Am I ready?!?

[almost22]

I am 21, she is 37, exactly 15 1/2 years apart. We have been dating for about four months and she has shown me love that I have never experienced. The degree of caring and security that only true love exhibits. Recently we have decided to cool it between us for the simple fact that Im not sure if I am at a point in my life when I am suppose to be ready for this. She is amazing, she also has two children, the ages of 8 and 9, of whom I adore. I feel I am more mature then most my age, ive acquired an associates degree, established a career, my truck is paid for, and about 6 months ago I bought my own house...on my own. However Im not sure if Im ready for the whole "family" idea. And the fact that im unsure of what I want had distanced me from her in our relationship, and it has been a recurring thought, or fear that I have. We also have another obstacle, we are also attempting a long distance relationship, we are about 2 hours apart. I dont know if this is all too hard to attempt, or if I am ready, or what to do. What about 10 years from now I will be 32 and she will be 47? Will I be okay with that. A little sound advice could go a long way for me....please help!

[Clementine orange]

You are not gonna like the advice I give you:

 

You are 21!!!!!! You are too young to settle down. Live your life man or else you will wake up at 31 and realize you didn't sow your wild oats. You say you are mature etc and you post seems to display that but what you don't have is life experience. She's got it - you don't.

Of course this is the best relationship you have ever had and true love and all that good stuff. It is because she is older and knows what she is doing in this business 'o love. The women you were with previously were teenagers etc - still learning how to do this.

I'm 37, it is inconveable that I would be in a relationship with a 21 year old - know matter how mature. The life experience factor would sinply not add up. 37 is midlife - mortgages, careers changing, aging parents, kids, bad knees, life insurance all that - at 21? - hell know you are legal to have a beer. The party is just beginning for you.

 

[how many of us 30 somethings wish they knew then what they know now!]

[luvursmile]

Clemintine Orange is absolutely right!

 

(and I totally agree with you on that. I wish I knew then what I know now. I'm not 30 something, but close enough)

[MacGyverRI]

I'm 37, it is inconveable that I would be in a relationship with a 21 year old - know matter how mature.

 

 

[how many of us 30 somethings wish they knew then what they know now!]

 

At 36 I was dating a 20 yr old, she was mature BUT I knew it would never be long term even though she wanted to marry me. It was a fun year though...

[almost22]

thank you all for your advise thus far:

 

I do adore her children, and I love her. But with the age difference, I feel like she knows what she wants in her life/out of life. Im so young I just dont know If I want to be completely settled right now. Just like a prior post clementine orange said to live your life or you will wake up one day and realized you missed out on a lot of things that come with being young. I moved out at an early age and I kinda feel like I missed out on that stage after your schooling is done and you start working, and live at home, carefree. I feel like I have already rushed into my life, and Im not sure if I am ready to rush into this next new stage of it. I have now started to second guess everything in my life, my job, where I live, my friends, what it is I want out of life. Im just trying to find out what it is I want out of life, then I can begin working on it. My friends told me I should go on a few dates, and see if any other girls give me that same feeling in which she did. So I am meeting a new girl tonight, however I am really unsure if this is the right thing to be doing, plus I am definitely not excited about it...kinda dreading it actually. I hope this made my situation a little clearer. Thank you all for your help, now I need some more!!! lol

[CarnelianButterfly]

Being young doesn't mean you have to date and be uncommitted. Its your choice as to how you feel. Society is accepting of people getting married later and later in life and allowing for oat sewing, but it really doesn't matter what others think, its how you feel and how you want your life to be. You sound like you are well established and are being a responsible adult, being involved with an older person will bring different issues than someone who is at the same point in life. But those issues don't have to destroy a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. Talk to her, ask her what she expects from dating you. Discuss being together in a "See what happens" relationship, you don't make serious long term goals, just short term things like vacations, dates, time together and spend your time together just enjoying each other and caring for each other. It is possible to be in a relationship that doesn't lead to marriage, children and a life in the burbs, it can lead to feeling loved, sharing the world with a kindred spirit and enjoying life.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i think the problem with this is she may be looking for a father for her children, and you are just barely an adult... this does not mean it can't work, it just means you have a significant age difference to deal with, and are you sure you want to be committed to family life with school aged children in the house at your age?

 

if you are both looking for a fling, have fun, but if she is getting serious, and you are not ready, then i think you need to break it off before her children get too involved with you, and everyone's hearts are broken when you decide you want to pursue a woman closer to your own age, have children (when she is too old for it), etc.

[almost22]

So Im not sure what the heck is going on now. I went out with that girl I was suppose to meet, who is my age by the way. Long story short, I wasnt feeling it with her, but ended up drinking and one thing led to another, I slept with her. That is horrible of me. This is ultimately the most disappointed in myself I have ever been. What If I decide that I do want the relationship described in my first post (which I am leaning towards after spending some time with the other girl.) I will have to confess what Ive done, which might ruin everything anyway, and she will probably think that is the reason we cooled things off in the first place. I have a hard time make decisions with relationships, maybe i wonder too much....what if....But I still am unsure of anything. But I know this...I love her soo much. We have been apart for a week, and her memory hasnt left my mind. Im very disoriented about all of this, and everything else...I wish I could just read something that would tell me exactly what to do, and know that was right....hhhheeeelllllllppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[almost22]

I actually talked to her after not talking to her for a week, and she suggested if I am not sure what I am ready for, that we could just see eachother either when her kids are asleep or when they are with their father. but that would also be difficult because I dont want to drive two hours to have short little visits all the time....stilll confused.........................................I dont think that would make me happy. But I love her.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If you are sleeping with other people that you meet for one date, i think you are not ready to be serious with anyone.

 

she sounds like she is sensing this, and is limiting your time with her kids to prevent them getting too attached, then having you break their hearts.

 

it is always hard to break up with someone, and it takes more than a week to get over it, but you really need to decide whether you are ready to commit to someone 15 years older than you with kids. it would be much worse if you did, or married her, then cheated on her and the whole thing exploded...

 

please give yourself some time to think about what is really the right thing to do, then do it...

[almost22]

I wouldnt have been out getting drunk and messing around with other women if we had been together, But we were broken up, so I actually didnt cheat on her....I did make a mistake however...

[hope2007]

Almost 22, I was 37 when I met a young 20 year old. We were together for 7 years. I'm now 44 and he is 27. We just ended our relationship, cause all of sudden he now wanted kids. You are young, you need to live your life, in your twenties, you learn about love, you learn about yourself, you figure out what you want. I know you love her, how can you not. Women at that age are sure of there bodies, the have lived through there 20's. THey know what they want and need.I met him only for sex, but it didn't turn out ther way, it was instant attraction and we were inseparable. Off course we had our ups and downs. I would just chalk this one up as an expierence you will never forget. Good luck!