Guess I just need to rant again...

[Caldus]

Hey everyone,

 

A lot of stupid stuff has been happening in my life lately and I just need to let go some emotions I guess. First off, I recently got dumped (I think of it as a break-up at least) by some girl I really really really liked. It was just an open relationship, but I started developing feelings for her. I have a nagging suspicion that she is not with this other guy anymore and is posting ads on Craigslist for one night stands (it looks a lot like her writing and that same person is always taking the ad down after a few hours, just seems so suspicious). She rarely ever hangs out with me anymore despite how 'such good friends we are'. If she really cared, then she would hang out with me more often. I just feel so hurt from it all and I know I just need to move on. So I have been. I've been posting my own ads on Craigslist, but just mainly looking for female friends for now. I really just miss the companionship and not so much the intimacy (it's only good when I am with someone I actually like as a person anyway).

 

I just can't seem to find any friends around here lately. I remember in kindergarden when it was so easy to make new friends. Now it seems like such an impossible task for me. I've been making the effort to talking to girls more recently and just getting out in public so that I feel better everyday. The problem is that I am so selective about my friends and lately I have been trying to be less selective about it (especially on Craigslist). I was talking to this one girl who just seemed so fascinating and she seemed to think the same way for me, but yet she just all the sudden stopped emailing me. I don't know what happened. I just don't get it. She was responding to a friend ad and not a relationship ad. So it wasn't like she was gauging to see whether she was romantically interested in me or anything. At least this one girl in another city seems really promising (I may be moving there soon) and we have been exchanging a lot of emails.

 

And this is all just for finding some new friends. I am not even looking for a relationship right now because I will be moving to another city soon most likely. I have all kinds of interesting hobbies that I attend to and just get bored of 'normal' people in general. I hate to sound snobbish, but that is the way I am. Like I said earlier though, I've been allowing myself to be less selective about it all.

 

And on top of it all, I let down my family tonight by forgetting to show up to a dinner/meeting with them all. I came there late and had to apologize to everyone and just felt like crap about it. I apologized to my parents later after everyone left. I've always been the oddball of the family so to speak, especially lately. My brothers and father are all into sports while I never even care to keep up with it all. So it's hard to relate to them. And it's just hard for me to really relate to anyone else in my family.

 

I am just so heartbroken and lonely. I don't know why I still want her so bad. She was selfish (she claimed it herself) and never makes time for me anymore even as friends. She obviously has more important things to do in her life, like having one night stands or, if she is still seeing that guy, watching movies and getting drunk with him every night (she never wanted to drink with me, what the heck is that all about?). And yes, pretty much every night. When we hung out, we did all kinds of interesting things, like take little road trips and take photos, go to the library, watch her do some art stuff, or whatever.

 

To all of you guys out there around my age who haven't been with a girl yet, don't get involved with one. You'll be much better off without all of the pain and other crap involved with them. I want to be back in your position now so I can at least feel somewhat content with my life right now.

 

I just need a friend. That's all I ask for. I just don't get it...

[renaissancewoman101]

I know how you feel when it comes to feeling lonely and having no friends. I have lived in my city for a little over a year now and I still dont have many friends. I could probably count the number of friends I have on one hand. I go to school, go out, do clinicals and all that, and try to meet people (not dating) and yet I have a hard time finding people who want to be friends with me. I am a funny, caring, open, loving person, but I guess most people make friends when they are in college.

 

Have you tried to reconnect with old friends from the past, like college friends? I wish I could do that, but most of my old friends still live in Wisconsin.

 

I recently tried to reconnect with my ex-best friend and we all hung out for a bit, and things seemed great. But then, he pulled a fast one on me and picked a fight with me last week and now we are back to not speaking again. Ugh!

 

People are hard to understand.

 

I hope things work out for you.

[Aurian]

Hey Caldus, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going too well. You seem like an interesting person to know from your posts around here!

 

I'm having a similar problem - I find it hard to meet friends or more offline. Some days it seems like all the "friends" positions have been filled back in college or something!

 

One trouble with email friends is that both kinda have to make the effort to click reply and have something interesting to say. If one doesn't... then *poof*. I have some good friends online, but I also had quite a few disappear over the years without a word, just like the girl you were chatting with.

 

Don't have much advice, I'm afraid, but I thought I'd at least let you know someone cares and understands.

[honeyspur]

I recently tried to reconnect with my ex-best friend and we all hung out for a bit, and things seemed great. But then, he pulled a fast one on me and picked a fight with me last week and now we are back to not speaking again. Ugh!

 

 

sorry to hear about this renn....

 

 

Caldus: I know how you feel - I've gone through "dry spells" with my friendships - suddenly finding myself alone. I usually ended up taking some kind of risk or doing something/going somewhere I thought might be stupid and meeting someone, hitting it off - and presto! I don't know if there's anything like that going on for you, but maybe something will come up.

I also tried to attend any parties I got invited to.

[renaissancewoman101]

the ex-best friend is like a bad habit that I don't need.

 

Caldus, I don't think Craigslist is a good place to make friends or dating prospects. Most of the people I have tried to connect with on Craigslist, turned out to be flakes.

[Lady Bugg]

You know....I can relate. I am in a VERY very social work environment.I meet

men EVERY day at work (I own a hair salon) and probably 60 -70% of my clients are men. I look at my work as a two in one thing..I work AND socialize..after work I have no desire to go out and meet poeple.

Thus I have no "friends"....well, no friends of substance. I too am VERY selecive about who I hang out with. I am realizing that I have become EXTREMELY intolerant of flakey people.......that includes but not limited to...

people who never follow up on plans, who don;t show up, who don't call, who don't return calls....in general I get fed up easily with poeple who have no loyalty. So I spend a lot of time outside of work alone. I realize I have very high standards...and I realize that poeple are human....I do...I am just finding that once someone does not meet my standards..I am quick to write them off. Usually I'll give someone two chances....then that's it. I simply don;t have the time OR energy for it.

 

Caldus...don't feel bad. You're very young....it's good to set these standards for yourself NOW...rather than later.

Hope you feel better.

[Caldus]

Ouch, sorry to hear about that.

 

Yeah, I used to kind of have a best friend. We still hang out sometimes, but nowdays he hangs out with these other guys a lot and doesn't seem to think of me as one of his best friends anymore. And thanks I appreciate it. It always does work out in the end. It just sucks having to wait for it to do so, lol.

[Caldus]

Hey Caldus, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going too well. You seem like an interesting person to know from your posts around here!

 

I'm having a similar problem - I find it hard to meet friends or more offline. Some days it seems like all the "friends" positions have been filled back in college or something!

 

One trouble with email friends is that both kinda have to make the effort to click reply and have something interesting to say. If one doesn't... then *poof*. I have some good friends online, but I also had quite a few disappear over the years without a word, just like the girl you were chatting with.

 

Don't have much advice, I'm afraid, but I thought I'd at least let you know someone cares and understands.

 

I am indeed an interesting guy to talk to, that's for sure. Definitely not your everyday guy, which may be a good reason why I never seem to make a lot of friends. I am just so different. Heck, during the holiday break, to sort of help my loneliness and heart, I started writing a lot of poems followed by writing a computer program that can generate Sudoku (awesome game!) puzzle games and then solve them for you if needed. Yeah I was that bored.

 

I mean I seemed to connect well already with some people in my class I had today. Too bad it's my last semester though and probably going to be moving out of the city. Still though, the practice is still nice. Yeah the thing was, I KNOW this girl was into me (as a friend) because we were talking passionately about things we both liked. And I asked her a ton of questions in each email. She would follow up with an even longer email. But then all of the sudden, *poof*. I feel like sending another email, but then I will just seem desperate or something.

 

And yup, I know people here actually care. It's why I still come to this site after all these years! I remember when I first came here so long ago. I was just fascinated by the idea that there were actually other people in my situation at the time. I was completely ignorant of it beforehand and now it really helps to know that I am just not alone in all of this, and never will be. Same for you guys!

[Caldus]

sorry to hear about this renn....

 

 

Caldus: I know how you feel - I've gone through "dry spells" with my friendships - suddenly finding myself alone. I usually ended up taking some kind of risk or doing something/going somewhere I thought might be stupid and meeting someone, hitting it off - and presto! I don't know if there's anything like that going on for you, but maybe something will come up.

I also tried to attend any parties I got invited to.

 

Yeah I started doing something I never did before the other week ... started hitting up the coffee shops and just chilling out there for hours. I didn't really end up talking to many people, but it was real nice to be around people and not at home sulking in pain all day about her.

[Caldus]

Yeah, I know I shouldn't feel bad about setting such standards even for friends. I guess I should just realize that many other people do the same thing which is why it is always hard for people to become friends these days (unless they are children!). I feel the same way. I cannot tolerate flaky behavior in a girl. This girl I was with is in some kind of huge flakey spell with everything right now and I just can't understand her at all. I've pretty much given up on ever trying to understand her.

[Aurian]

I mean I seemed to connect well already with some people in my class I had today. Too bad it's my last semester though and probably going to be moving out of the city. Still though, the practice is still nice. Yeah the thing was, I KNOW this girl was into me (as a friend) because we were talking passionately about things we both liked. And I asked her a ton of questions in each email. She would follow up with an even longer email. But then all of the sudden, *poof*. I feel like sending another email, but then I will just seem desperate or something.

 

Hey, I would try sending just one more email. There is a good chance that it might have gotten lost and she's at the other end wondering why you didn't reply. I used to email a long-distance ex and every once in awhile one of our emails would simply disappear and never show up. If she doesn't reply after two, then give up. It seems unlikely two would disappear. Better to have risked and lost than never tried at all, no?

[Caldus]

Hey, I would try sending just one more email. There is a good chance that it might have gotten lost and she's at the other end wondering why you didn't reply. I used to email a long-distance ex and every once in awhile one of our emails would simply disappear and never show up. If she doesn't reply after two, then give up. It seems unlikely two would disappear. Better to have risked and lost than never tried at all, no?

 

Good idea. It's not like I'm trying to date her or anything. So it's not like I'm looking desperate or anything.