When does it end?

[wishiknew]

So it's been a little over 3 weeks since I was dumped. things have been a roller coaster as I'm sure they are for everyone else. The reason we broke up is she says "she just lost something that was there between us, and isn't anymore."

 

At first i couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, just plain couldn't function. That's gotten a little better in the last week or so. I've started eating regular meals again, been exercising and staying active. I don't have trouble falling asleep anymore, but I can't stay asleep. Most nights I wake up around 3:30 and just can't get back to sleep. Other nights I wake up in a panic and I'm drenched in sweat and don't know why. Sometimes I still get these anxiety/panic attacks in the middle of the day and it just brings me back to square one.

 

We still talk on a regular basis, almost everyday, and stil hang out just as friends. But I'd be lying if I said i didn't want more than that. I thought I had finally accepted everything and had moved on but I was on the phone with the ex today and she was talking about going going away to go to college. That hit me hard because it means she won't be around in the fall, and it made me realize that no, I haven't let go yet.

 

Sometimes I think that going NC is the best answer for me, I'm still afraid of what my life is going to be like without her in the picture though. We had such great times together and were friends before anything and I'm more afraid to lose my best friend too. I just don't know what to do anymore, i'm tired, emotionally drained. I just want to be myself again because I don't want to look in the mirror and see this depressed, shell that I am now.

[honeyspur]

Maybe you should consider Superdave's NC challenge......

 

 

 

 

[needingadvice]

hi wishiknew i know exactly how you are feeling, everybody understands here. I have just started SuperDaves No Contact challenge - maybe that would help you as i think you do need to break contact with her as you will not let go otherwise from the sounds of it. Can you feel any worse than you o now by giving it a try? It wont be easy but everyone here will support u

[wishiknew]

I've just been so resistent to the idea of NC because we weren't just a couple, we were friends. We did everything together and had fun doing it. If i go the route of NC, then it affects me to the point that I'm unable to do some of the things that I really enjoy.

For example, I'm an accomplished snowboarder and she is one of the few people who I actually enjoyed spending time on the mountain with. Never had to wait for her, she never complained about being cold or anything. Most of my other friends who even tried to give snowboarding a chance are still learning and I used to instruct, but lately I just don't have the patience to pay $70 for a lift ticket and spend the day babysitting somebody down the hill.

[needingadvice]

i think though you need to put some time and space between yourselves until you know you have reached a point where you could deal with whatever she tells you, ie. she's going away to college etc. I know it is hard to accpet an so very painful, but without this I feel you will never allow yourself to fully recover. I could have taken many opportunities in the last 2 years to put space between my ex and myself but never found the strength to do it, and at points during the last month ive felt to be honest like im having a breakdown because it has all finally caught-up with me. Everybody is different, like every situation, but you might find doing NC until you have totally healed, will be the best thing for you in the long run

[honeyspur]

Well, if you are too impatient - that is merely a choice.

I am surprised that you seem so resistent, yet the reasons you give sound minor. Perhaps you are just afraid and creating negativity to give yourself motivation to stay stuck.

Being stuck has a certain level of commitment to it - it doesn't just happen.

We do not have tiny gnomes living in our head turning on our emotions for us. We do the turning on and off.

 

If being resistent is a choice - then moving through fear and discomfort is also.

You are certainly bright enough to adapt to change and creative enough to make any situation fun.

You are feeling lonely and want something, instead of creating your own happiness.

 

Anything can be worked out to your advantage. You can have NC and have the fun, busy life you want at the same time. You may have to jump through some hoops, but honestly, it's nothing an accomplished snowboarder can't handle. You know how to face challenge and you know how to win.

 

Just like snowboarding - NC is a skill. You must practice it, ride out the pain and see it to the end. You must surround yourself with other NC'ers (like Superdave's challenge!!)

 

If you are not ready for NC, admit it to yourself. This doesn't make you weak or stupid - it just means you aren't ready.

Better to decide instead of this back and forth business that's eventually going to make you ill.

 

I understand why you don't want to do it, I really do. But to be frank here, your happiness has more advatages than your frustration. Choose your way out.

[wishiknew]

is there such a thing as not being ready for NC?

[honeyspur]

Well yes.

You may not want to let go yet. You may feel there is something still to do or say. You may feel time apart is all you need. And you may be right.

But NC is about discipline and moving through pain. Which means it will be agonzing and panicky.