Breaking up after 2 1/2 years together

[Lana0120]

I broke up with my bf of 2 1/2 years because he had led me to believe we would get married, things he said clearly made this seem like it would happen soon, but when I asked him about it he said he wasn't ready and had no idea when he would be. We had a so-so relationship, there were lots of good things about it but we had a lot of arguments too, which I don't miss. I felt that he had misled me and that we wanted different things so felt it was best to break up. I was just interested to know if anyone else has been in this situation and well, just opinions. Thanks.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I guess it would help to know how old both of you are. 2.5 years may be long for some people and not long enough for others. The fact that you are so blasé about the relationship...saying it was so so, suggests to me that you just wanted to get married for the sake of being married rather than you wanted to get married because it was him that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe he also felt ambivalent about you and won't go into a marriage just for the sake of being married. I think you really need to be honest with yourself about why you wanted to marry him...was it for him, or was it just because you wanted to be married. The worst thing a person can do is to pressure someone to get married. You want someone to marry you because they can't picture life without you, not because of pressure.

[HurleyBabe6917]

My boyfriend and I were together 3 years.

I broke up with him because it was really stressing us both out, we fought constantly over nothing, I was starting to have small feelings for another guy, and overall, even though we were crazy in love, it just wasn't a healthy relationship.

 

But, even though we've been "apart" for several months, we are still constantly togehter. It's complicated.

[iminpain]

Hi HurleyBabe6917, you mentioned that you and your BF fought constantly, did you two sit down at some point and had a serious talk about how to better communicate with each other and sort out the difficulties in the relationships?

[i2oadi2unnei2]

I broke up with my bf of 2 1/2 years because he had led me to believe we would get married, things he said clearly made this seem like it would happen soon, but when I asked him about it he said he wasn't ready and had no idea when he would be. We had a so-so relationship, there were lots of good things about it but we had a lot of arguments too, which I don't miss. I felt that he had misled me and that we wanted different things so felt it was best to break up. I was just interested to know if anyone else has been in this situation and well, just opinions. Thanks.

 

Lana0120, I have to definitely agree with Crazyaboutdogs...

 

There seems to be some hidden truth regarding your situation yet I don't want to comment too much since there's really not much detail other than what you said and that's what we're going by...

[Lana0120]

I'm 22, he's 23. I never put any pressure on him. It was something we discussed every now and again and he's say stuff like he wanted to marry me but was waiting for the right time... in hindsight maybe I took everything he said completely the wrong way. We had a good relationship apart from the arguments (which were about various things but mostly about the fact that he didn't make much of an effort in our relationship - wouldn't phone me until I pushed him to, we're long distance and I was the one who was mostly going to see him).

[Lana0120]

As for sounding blase, maybe a little. I'm not a romantic person as such, but I do feel there comes a time when someone should show their commitment (especially when they have said that marriage is important to them too - if they say something like, don't believe in marriage, okay fair enough).

[HurleyBabe6917]

Hi HurleyBabe6917, you mentioned that you and your BF fought constantly, did you two sit down at some point and had a serious talk about how to better communicate with each other and sort out the difficulties in the relationships?

 

oh all the time.

we always tried working at it.

but, even now when we aren't "together", we fight like crazy.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

As for sounding blase, maybe a little. I'm not a romantic person as such, but I do feel there comes a time when someone should show their commitment (especially when they have said that marriage is important to them too - if they say something like, don't believe in marriage, okay fair enough).

 

I really don't think you are ready for marriage. You may not be a romantic person but what you are describing here sounds more like a business arrangement than something special between two people who really care.

You say that you were doing most of the calling and you had to force him to call. It sounds to me that both of you were in it just to have someone around and not out of any great love for the other person. Marriages of convenience are typically not satisfying marriages. Perhaps over time you will meet someone who really knocks your socks off and you will be able to see that you both were selling yourself short in this relationship.

[Lana0120]

I really don't think you are ready for marriage. You may not be a romantic person but what you are describing here sounds more like a business arrangement than something special between two people who really care.

You say that you were doing most of the calling and you had to force him to call. It sounds to me that both of you were in it just to have someone around and not out of any great love for the other person. Marriages of convenience are typically not satisfying marriages. Perhaps over time you will meet someone who really knocks your socks off and you will be able to see that you both were selling yourself short in this relationship.

 

I do care about him, but I think you are right. I'm not ready for marriage just yet and we're not right for each other.