Call or not to call?

[agualibre777]

I wasn't sure whether to put this in the dating sxn or friends sxn. This guy I've known for about a month or so and I decided to be friends. But not to be "just" friends but to be GOOD friends. As we are both feeling the connection just want different things.

 

We had a bit of drama already where I got clingy and then when he got immature. And we talked about this a few nights ago and then did yoga together two nights ago (that's where we met), afterwards joking around outside in the rain for a half hour. Then I sent him an email the next morning/yesterday morning asking him if he wanted to go Saturday to an art show in my neighborhood, he could have a late breakfast at my house. He wrote back in the evening if it was o.k. if he let me know by tomorrow/today. I said sure of course.

 

Well, now it is Friday at 6:30 and he hasn't called or email. It's still pretty early but with any of my normal friends I would just call and say "hey, whats up? are you coming?" but due to the fact we just recently stopped dating and there is still sexual tension between us, I'm not sure if I should just let it go if he doesn't call me. But obviously, I want to know because I'm looking forward to seeing him and hanging out...

[AwdreeHpburn]

aguail - I wouldn't. I mean me personally. I don't think it would be a BAD Idea to but I personally wouldn't want to appear too needy.

 

I WOULD however, after call him after the weekend and just say something about what he missed at the art fair or something along those lines.

 

It's too hard to feign friendliness when you want more. After the fact, when it's less important, it's not as hard to pull of.

[blender]

Nope, there is no good reason to call him, not a guy who is not making an effort and is excited to remember to email or call or whatever to confirm your invitation..and he hesitated from the moment you asked him.. heck I think when a guy is really ready to make the connection, they just say "yes" to an invite and then change their schedule accordingly.. and you should expect no less for YOUR lovely attention and company...

 

After all you are "looking forward to spending the day with him" would you want to call a guy who is not showing you he feels the same way?

 

Or maybe he's just too busy right now, or something bigger is going on with his life, his family, his work..whatever, I'd respect the fact that he's not making the effort right now...

 

so do NOT call him, you've already made a nice polite invitation and he said, "I'll let you know".. and well, he hasn't, so let it go.. for your own sake, your own self respect, can you imagine if you called him and he said, "um, yeah, oh, I fogot, I can't make it".... OR, he's says, "I was just about to call you"..and you think ugh..why didn't I wait it out? OR he's caught of guard by your calling so he's immeidately polite and says, "Oh yeah, I guess I can go, sure what time again?"

 

Either way, if YOU call HIM, well it's not like he's made an intentional choice or effort to spend time with you... wait for a guy to make this choice, if not, then it's his loss...

 

And it can always be that he does call you, after the weekend to explain, why not let it go and see what HE chooses to do... YOU go and have fun at the art fair, with or with out him...

[agualibre777]

well, i made a compromise. i sent an email saying

i suppose you are too busy to join me tomorrow. they are also doing the art show again on sunday so you could go on your own if you can't. i'm busy sunday, so that's why i'm going tomorrow.

have a good weekend!

it's pretty rude not to even respond to an invite, but i do think he is probably busy getting ready for school to start on monday, may have to visit his family and so on, that's why i didn't take it personally he wasn't sure. it's not like he said no right off either, he could have said he was gonna be busy.

[sky508]

I did the exact same thing you did. I asked someone out for dinner, someone that I had worked with for over 1 1/2 years and we had a strong connection and he asked me to hang out about four weeks prior, and he told me he would call me tomorrow and let me know and he never called. I texted him to check and he never responded to my text. He has done this to me before and I think it's rude not to have someone respond back as a friend. I did the wrong thing, though. He blew me off before like that before but this time I didn't take it lightly. I was hurt and upset and I texted him every day for a while to see what was wrong. I knew it was too much but I was so hurt in my feelings and he treated me like I didn't even exist. I know you're supposed to let it go if someone ignores you but I just never understood that. He liked me but I think I must have bothered him too much. I came off as needy and insecure. If he doesn't call you back just let it go and let him do the contacting. You'll look stronger. I regret my actions and I will never see this person again and I'm hurting from it.

[Armyguy3682003]

I know the feelling your going through. A good friend of mine does the same thing, we are close, but its not the closeness I want. I have realized that I must block her out as not wanting to be with me and it is very hard to understand that. So I have come to the conclusion to not ask to do anything with her anymore. I dont try to call her as much anymore, I let her do the calling. I gave so much of myself, that I robbed my own life. I hate thinking she is having fun with this other guy ( I know because he calls when I have gone out with her) and have realize I am not her "man" anymore. But I do try to stay in contact and take the effort by calling, sending a text message or email. She used to reply right away, not as much anymore. I feel like I am being ignored and that is one of my biggest pet peeves! So I have to let things be the way they are and let her do her own things. I guess I have realized from my past relationships that I am too clingy and insecure with myself and have a hard time being alone, even as a friend. So I know what your talking about and havent talked to a lot of my friends becasue I was always the one calling to do things.