ahhh2jz Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 i hear ya; before I started this NC challenge i was in contact with her mom because, like you, I know she was on my side; but then I started to get paranoid that the ex would find out that I'm talking to her mom and thus make her stronger in not contacting me. I just started thinking that I should "fall off the face of the earth" to everyone so not even her mom knows. Drastic, I know, but I want everything working in my favor. Plus I live so close to my ex, she knows where to find me if she wants to right? Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I did the same also, not contacting her mom. I just did today because I wanted to get my things and give her daughter her things... I needed closure... for me it was already over... but I came out of her house with renewed hopes. Im a hopeless romantic that thinks that "love conquers all", and since what happened between us was nothing that cannot be undone, I decided to give it another try. My ex's mom will say to her daughter that I just left her stuff, picked up mine and took off. I wont contact her mom again, she will call me to give me the "green light"... I trust her mom, shes very knowledgeable, and since her daughter is easy to persuade, I know she will think of something to get the info needed to make my move. My job is to keep living my life as usual and try to be in the right frame of mind for when the time comes to make my comeback.... Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 WOW almost forgot to update this..Day17...hung out with my brother cause he came back from Big Bear from our church retreat. sorta had a long talk with him about him and his girlfriend. needed some brotherly advise i guess..next you know it he'll be on eNotalone too! i think it went fairly well. brother to brother. brother with hell of some experience to brother with no experience...overall day went blise! heres something's i began to notice..as you continue to heal, you, like me, will begin to start to slip. and i don't mean slip by getting in contact with your ex or thinking about them. What i mean is your mind will start to be occupied with little things, and thats how you know your healing and recovering is coming to effect. For example like today, i had a great day, posted earlier, then day went by and i got caught up with little things and next you know it i amost forget to post my update! like i posted yesterday, i think distractions are the best assist towards NC. One little distraction from anything can lead your mind to several things. hope it helps, i know it did for me... Post Day18 tomorrow!CHYEAH! Link to comment
fleur-de-lis Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hello everyone! I want to restart the NC challenge. 2 days ago, my ex had a small surgery (appendicitis) and I was with him at the hospital, he needed me there ... and I believe I helped him get through the hours before the surgery. He was especially nice to me, and when his mother came, she told me she loved me, she huggged me so many times so I seriously doubt that she was aware of our break-up. I only stayed there for 4-5 hours, but I had been talking to his mother on the phone from home. The surgery went well, he is now at home, but I remembered that I was looking in his phone and saw that he deleted the calls to his ex gf, and he had a visiting-card from her in his wallet. He gave me his wallet when I arrived at the hospital to keep him in case he goes into surgery sooner. And my mind started to question again... why does he need her for? They have split a year ago and they didn't talk much during this time. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that he felt guilty for breaking up with her, and that he promised her they would be friends. And now, she is mad with him for not keeping his promise (of keeping contact). He thinks she wants him back and that she'll take him back in a second if he asks her. We broke up because I caught him lying to me, he said he didn't talk to her (explicitely not on the phone, not over im, and he told me he doesn't want to have anything with her anymore). Anyway, when I was at his place a week before, I found out that he had called her and I asked why he did that and why he told me he didn't. He got a little mad, I got upset, but he talked me into beleiving that he loved me so much and that he will never leave me for her ... The next day, when I was on his laptop (he was still asleep), I saw an im conversation, where he was calling her "little girl" (this is the way he used to call her when they were dating) and he said not to im him back because I may login in his account and find out. He ended the conversation saying "I'll call you tomorrow". I got very mad, really mad, I told him everything between us is over (during our relationship we fought a lot because of her, he protected her, he had hidden our relationship from her for 4 months until she discovered on her own). So I was really furious and packed my things and went home. I talked to his ex to find out if they had met and she told me that they did, but nothing happenned and that she only wants to be friends with him. Hmm, I don't buy that...because she criticised me a lot when they were talking and she had no reason. I mean she didn't even know a thing about me... Anyway, all these had happened 10 days ago, I tried NC but I only managed to keep it for 3 days (I posted here on this thread) because he came to me, he was sending messages that he loved me and that he can't eat or sleep properly... and he needed a book from me. I gave him the book, because I don't want him to fail his exams and I care for him although he had hurt me . I can't understand why he has to meet his ex, when he knows she only wants him back and by doing that he hurts me. Actually, I could understand that if he didn't lie to me, I guess. So, back to day one of NC... I hope you will accept me here again Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I have had THE most traumatic weekend possible. I moved the rest of my things out on Saturday and saw my ex. I took a couple of friends along to help and give me moral support. When Tom and I saw each other we just started crying and holding each other. It was so painful and I feel back to how I felt when he originally ended the relationship. My best friend (who was with me) said she felt like shaking him, she said he is so obviously still in love with me and me him...I just don't know what to do at all... TonyMar75, I tried to send you a PM but it didn't work!!! Send me another mail account and I will respond to you personally x Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I have had THE most traumatic weekend possible. I moved the rest of my things out on Saturday and saw my ex. I took a couple of friends along to help and give me moral support. When Tom and I saw each other we just started crying and holding each other. It was so painful and I feel back to how I felt when he originally ended the relationship. My best friend (who was with me) said she felt like shaking him, she said he is so obviously still in love with me and me him...I just don't know what to do at all... TonyMar75, I tried to send you a PM but it didn't work!!! Send me another mail account and I will respond to you personally x Hey, Pisces. I was wondering about you. I'm so sorry to hear about your weekend. But try to focus on the positive through the pain. It was hard, but it sounds like there could be a basis there on which to build something new. As long as he knows how you feel, though -- he knows that YOU want build on what's there -- I think you stick to NC and let him come to you. I kind of need a refresher on your situation, though. I'll shoot you another PM and an email and see what happens. Be strong! You can do it! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Day 24! I'm nearly at the 30 day mark! Had a good week last week, didn't think of him nearly as much. Ok - I have thought about him every single day since...I think probably since the day we started talking. Weird. I think this morning was the first for a little while that I woke up and it kinda felt like the first week when I was desperate to know if he'd emailed me. It's kinda tough, because I *know* without a shadow of a doubt that he hasn't, and won't for a long time. Yet I'm always still wondering. It's his birthday tomorrow. Got a bit of an inward fight about it...the bigger part of me knows that I shouldn't, and probably won't contact him. But there's still a part of me that wants to at least say Happy Birthday. Before we were even together we had a conversation about birthdays, about how he thinks they're so fake, everyone pretending to care about you. I said how did he know it wasn't the day people felt they really could show their affection. So...I don't know. I kinda want to remind him of that, but I'm fairly certain that no matter what I write, it will seem like a thinly veiled attempt at either making him feel bad or 'remind him of the good times' you know? Gah. Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hey, Parsley. Congrats on Day 24! The birthday thing is a tough one and I'll be interested to hear what people have to say. It's only been a few weeks since my ex broke up with me and I've been doing strong NC, but I don't think I could not acknowledge her birthday without at least a simple, non-mushy card. Just something light and funny. I want her back, and she wants a considerate person. I think it would be a good way to show her she's still in my thoughts, without any of the "I love you and miss you" stuff. She broke my heart, but I love her unconditionally and couldn't let her birthday pass by like I forgot or, perhaps worse, just didn't bother. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I've just been thinking about that...but I just think that if I were to send him something, no matter how light-hearted it was I would be so scared that he would think it was me trying to get him back, and, though I miss him so so much...I don't want him back. It sounds like the typical dumpee response, but if he hadn't done it, I would have, though later. God...this is so different to my last break up. Though with him, our birthdays were 2 days apart, and we broke up 2 weeks before them. We still gave each other the presents we had got, which both turned out to be trips to a show in London with the other. Lol...my friends think my life between April and, well carrying on, should be a soap opera. We broke up, went to London 3 times in a week, just us two, had to go to Paris together, I got a bf who was older than my brother-in-law, I move to uni, whilst there previous ex tells me he's gay, then boyfriend ignores me for no reason and breaks up with me via email 2 days after Christmas, part of his reasoning being that Christmas is always a terrible time for him because one of his exes left him at Christmas. Logical much... Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 TonyMar75, Have sent you an essay!!! x Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 pisces, Sorry to hear about your move going so badly..It makes things so much harder when there are still feelings on both sides.... maybe it will be easier now that you wont have to see him? hang in there sweetie! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hi Luv, It was horrible...I didn't expect him to be happy and smiling but he completely broke down. I know he loves me and I love him and it feels like such a waste! I am going strict NC now, no need to contact him anymore. But I am back to the beginning in my healing and I feel wretched. xxx How are you doing Luv? x Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Audrey28, Got you PM...are you OK? Please let me know x Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I think im going ot take the whole NC a bit further then just my ex.... Im going to lay low for quite some time...Im going to have LC with friends that we have in common... my ex is getting weird and he is getting into my life way tooo much. I had plans to go out to dinner with some other man.. I talked with this other man last night and he said maybe we shouldnt go to dinner. I asked him why and he said that he didnt want to get in the middle of my ex and I....I told him there was no middle..it was over.. then I remembered seeing my ex talking to this man last friday....... I give up...cant move on with ex controling who I see......I feel like calling him and telling him to stay out of my life! Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Hi Luv, It was horrible...I didn't expect him to be happy and smiling but he completely broke down. I know he loves me and I love him and it feels like such a waste! I am going strict NC now, no need to contact him anymore. But I am back to the beginning in my healing and I feel wretched. xxx How are you doing Luv? x Its not a waste......love hurts sometimes. there are reasons you guys cant be together....... just know that YOU are capable of love and receiving love at such a deep level and if you remember this, then its not such a waste! Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 He never told this man you were still a thing? That's disgraceful. I can't believe he would do that. What did this other guy say about that? Did you ask him? x Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 The other man said that my ex was playing games with me and that it seemed to him that my ex doesnt want me with anyone else... I said that was my ex's problem and that we havent been together for a month.....I told him that I knew my ex was palying games but not to this level.... Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I posted yesterday about the crap my ex pulled last friday.. about him coming in and making a scene until I left with him.... freaked me out... Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I know he has some control issues..thats why we are not together. I guess he told some people that he has been trying to get rid of me..HUH! what a joke....I havent contacted him at all...HES CALLING ME and showing up where Im at causing scenes! I really think he has lost his mind! Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Just to clarify...I am now 1 day NC... So I am new to the challenge! Now I have moved out no reason to get in touch x Link to comment
emrrn915 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Have any of you got out there and started to date again to help with the NC, healing process? In some ways I feel if I do, I will be using someone but then again, I may meet someone great.. Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I do have to say that we did spend some time together on the 13-14th. I guess he thinks that mean he owns me....I broke NC that weekend because of constant pressure from him...so maybe this is all my fault. I felt good at the time of braking NC because spending time with him helped me realize that I was over him and could move on.. maybe I shouldnt have because he obviously hasnt moved on. I dont know what i should do...ignore him or tell him his behavior is unexceptable. ignorning him hasnt worked so far... Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Have any of you got out there and started to date again to help with the NC, healing process? In some ways I feel if I do, I will be using someone but then again, I may meet someone great.. Yes, I have....but, I was ready to date. It wouldnt be using anyone..... you can only use someone by taking from them all the time and giving nothing in return.. going out and having a fun time and some laughs is not using anyone. Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Well I just had a big realisation. There is absolutely no way my ex ever loved me..the whole time it was infatuation..if that. It was such a horrible, slow realisation. In some ways it has put me back a bit..but in other ways brought me forward. Now I know that he is never going to get in touch for anything other than an attempt at friendship, because he won't miss me, so I don't have to worry about that anymore. The friendship ideal has been set back now though...only a couple of hours ago I was considering sending him a happy birthday message tomorrow, thinking I was at a stage where I could speak to him without anger, bitterness and sadness. But since my earlier realisation, I don't think any of that would happen. Sorry to hear your moving day was so difficult Pisces - I hope that now you don't have that to worry about as well things will get better for you And Luvmykids - I'm in shock about how immature your ex is being! Keep your head held high! Link to comment
luvmykids Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I think im going to be spending most of my time on here in the BRAKING UP threads....I need to find out how to get this "situation" under control. I dont want him and the NC challenge was working, but as i said before..NC is making him do and say things the are way out of line and its affecting my life. Most people know my ex and he is sticking his nose in where it doesnt belong and hes trying to scare off any men that want to take me out. Ive heard from several people that they "dont want any trouble with my ex" THIS SUCKS!!!! Link to comment
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