Am I Shallow?

[AreUHappyNow]

I broke up with my first love about a month ago. I've been getting on OK, trying to keep myself busy etc I've had my ups and downs, still finding it hard to let him go, as i was absolutely besotted with him. I don't know why because he didnt treat me all that good

 

but anyway...

 

I recently got talking to someone new, he seemed nice, sweet, genuine, decent all the things you could wish for right?

He's made it obvious that he has feelings for me, we got chatting and flirting. I thought everything was starting to look up, things were beginning to fix themselves.

 

Only thing is, i met him and do not find him attractive at all

Worse thing is, this has made me think about my ex even more, and see him as the "perfect person" and the only person i'll ever truly love.

 

Gah, why can't i get over him?

[luvursmile]

I dont think that makes you shallow. You're just not attracted to him. Theres lots of guys I dont find attractive, its just your preference.

[hockeyboy]

ive often felt the same way. i know some great girls who are perfect for me..except im not attracted to them. i dont need to date super models, but do date girls i have an initial attration to.

 

one of my exes broke up with me who was very attractive. she was a horrible girlfriend and offered nothing but her looks. when she broke up with me i was upset about it..and looking back im ashamed. i mean, i should have broken up with her!

 

i think as we get older, we learn to balance personality and looks. being attracted to your partner is important, but it cant be everything. i guess thats what makes finding the "one" so hard.

[barenmind]

I think you are afraid of change. What is it about this new guy you don't find attractive? His appearance? Mannerisms? Or is it just that he doesn't treat you the same way as your first love? Do you like being treated badly? I'm not trying to be cruel, but it seems to me that this is a bad habbit many women fall into, and I don't want you to fall into it too.

[AreUHappyNow]

I think i genuinely don't find him attractive. I think if me and my ex had never have happened i still wouldn't find this guy attractive.

 

What's worrying me though is that i'm never going to move on, because the closer i get to doing that, the more i miss my ex.

 

Maybe i should take a chance on this new guy and see if feelings develop? I dont know I'm so confused right now.

 

I think it certainly would just be a rebound though, but maybe in the long run it would help me.

 

Saying that i really do not want to hurt this guy, because i really care about his feelings and i don't want him to feel like i am now.

[jengh]

It absolutely does not make you shallow. You can't help who you find or don't find attractive. In order for a solid relationship in my opinion, there NEEDS to be SOME physical attraction.

I also think you're not over your ex yet and maybe you should just give it some more time. It has only been one month... And from my experience, first loves take FOREVER to heal.. I'm still not over mine and it's been 5 years. (When I found out he had a girlfriend about 10 months ago, I started bawling)

 

Anyways, sometimes attraction DOES grow as you get to know someone better. Sometimes, you'll find a not attractive guy turn into the sexiest man alive just because you know the real him...

[evening_light]

AreUHappyNow, your not shallow, you are not ready for dating yet....you have to "heal" let some time pass..

 

I agree with you, keep busy, have fun but as we speak, your not over your ex....and now your adding some undue pressure on yourself...

 

That's "two" persons now your having to worry about... just let him know your not ready for anything serious and just enjoy yourself....if you have fun with him in time you will start to forget about your ex.....who knows, you may see him for what he really "is'....a good person

[barenmind]

If you don't find anything attractive about this guy, by all means, don't just date him because you think it might help you get over the last guy. That isn't fair to this guy at all. However, I don't think you should go running back to a guy who treated you any less than you feel you should have been treated in a relationship either. I would say forget about men for a while, have some fun, spend time with friends, relax and forget about relationships, until someone comes along who treats you the way you want to be treated, and who you find attractive.

[Northalius]

I don't know why because he didnt treat me all that good

 

Then you didn't love him, but rather what you hoped would be him. If he didn't treat you well, and if you do not love being treated badly, then you do not love him! Let go. Respect yourself, and thus you'll be happy to not be with someone that didn't do the same.

 

You should love someone only as much as they love you! Do not love someone by what you hope they are, but by how they treat you. This is who they are.

 

Love is an action, more so than just a word.

 

About the new guy?

 

I'd suggest you hold it off for a while until you become strong within yourself, to where you're over your ex for good; you do not want old feelings for your ex to come back in the middle of another relationship with someone else. This screws everything up.

 

The best shield to hold up when memories pop up of your ex, is the shield of self-respect.

[barenmind]

Well said Northalius. Kudos!