Anyone had to break up from person they love?

[Girl_2]

Just wondering your experiences from both sides of the story.

I am in a terrible situation where I feel I need 'space' or a break from my partner, whom I still like and love but I'm just not sure if he's right for me. I don't know what is right for me...

 

It must be easier when you are sure that you don't love the person anymore right?

 

Possible reasons for this happening may be that two people are in love but want to head in different directions. Or they are just not compatible. Or maybe one has an addiction of some sort or lifestyle that the other can't accept.

 

This is a long term relationship so is pretty serious and scary. I'm so upset that I have to be "the bad guy." I really, really care for him.

[annie24]

why don't you tell us about it? what is wrong with the relationship that you are contemplating a break?

[Beec]

I have ended something with someone I loved and cared about deeply, but never felt she was the one for me long term. I wish I had ended it much sooner than i did, because I think the longer it went, the more it hurt and the more guilt I felt and feel. She wanted me for the rest of her life. It would have been nice if she found someone else, but her life was too short. Consider if you really need to end it, but if you do, then don't wait, end it quickly. Unless you are sure, don't go back.

[Girl_2]

It's doubts that he is right for me. Everyday there is a little sign that he is not right for me. Some days there is a big sign, but the next day I'll try to reason it out or forget it.

I've struggled with this for a while now. I now know the doubts are not going to go away if things stay as they are. They've been there for years. I go through bad patches then great patches.

 

I have been in this relationship for 10 years and feel I have never fully been myself since high school. Always living by someone elses expectations and influences. Not that this is such a bad thing, I mean, I project my opinions onto him aswell, it's just that I've never been alone as an adult and formed my own opinions and interests independently.

 

It's not fair to him that I can't fully put my whole heart into the relationship.

 

I need to tell him seriously about the doubts and dive into the unknown.

[Girl_2]

I know I am going to hurt many people. Him.... his family. It's hard because I always try to do the best by people and it's going to be hard having people dislike my actions.

But I guess I need to focus on the fact that they will deserve to be angry at me...

[agent1607307371]

You can't live your life for other people and you should never sacrifice your own life for others.

 

Look at it this way, he will be hurt yes, but he may then move on to find someone who is a better fit and reciprocates his feelings totally.And you will too.

[Girl_2]

So how do I make the words come out? How do I tell the person that has been such a huge part of my life that my doubts are serious and something needs to be done? I feel so weak. It's so hard. I've never been faced with a bigger problem. I have realised there is no good time to do this.

[finewhine]

Girl 2 - do what Beec said. Be absolutely certain you want out, then get out. Do it as quickly and efficiently as possible. You can tell him how hard it was for you to come to the decision, you can tell him how much you love him, but you need to let him know that it's definitely over.

 

Think about it this way - your relationship is like a dying animal. You have the power to put it out of its misery. You can let it keep suffering or you can club it on the head and let it rest in peace.

[matius]

Girl 2, I just went through this. My relationship was only 2.5 years but I'm sure it relates.

 

It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I love her and her family and a lot of people are affected. My family hurts ... everyone. It hurts.

 

But it will hurt more to know that you stayed in the relationship only out of pity or fear of hurting him. In fact, you actually hurt him more by being in a relationship where you feel you need to be free. You can grow resentful or bitter and take this out on him because you feel you've been cheated.

 

You're not a bad person. If you decide to go through with it, you just have to be completely honest and tell him what you're telling us. Go through all of the emotions and let him ask questions and vent and do whatever you need to - to help through the process.

 

It's sad, you're both going to hurt... but the break oddly enough should be out of love, not out of anger. Because it seems to me you will want to salvage a friendship with this person if possible.

 

I know it almost seems like it's too much and it's unimaginable, but you really have to decide. I've learned that this is just one of those life problems, sometimes people start to think differently, no easy answers.

 

I feel so weak. It's so hard. I've never been faced with a bigger problem. I have realised there is no good time to do this.

 

You're right. This is how I felt before the break up, and how I feel after. Only the right thoughts with time can help - take solace in the fact that you're giving yourself a chance at true happiness. You'll see a lot of other doors fly open soon enough...

[pendulumcuts]

Yes I had to break up with an unemotional serial cheater and liar. I had no idea there were women like that.

[Girl_2]

what a good post matius! Thankyou

I think that is what I'm struggling with. If I go through with it I'm a bad person, if I don't I'm a bad person for letting him be with someone who's not totally committed. (I know I'm not really a bad person but it's sure going to seem that way from other people's perspectives in short run)

I can see myself having a great friendship with this person afterwards. We do get along well. If it weren't for all the doubts and differences and clashes in personalities we'd make a great couple.