No friends on internet

[Unhumble]

Hi. I know it's a silly question, and maybe a silly feeling. But modern times mean modern standards, and I'm growing old (almost 21) and should adapt to them...

Well, I'm whining because I have no friends on the internet, or even contacts, acquaintances... and I'm worried that this might seriously affect my image and as a consequence my future relations with other people...

 

The fact is... ever since I entered university this year, I started knowing more and more people from around the world and was starting to have fun... Not that I never knew many people before, but now, being at university, you really meet new people everyday.

 

But everyone kept asking me my Facebook contact... which I didn't have.

I never used those things before, also because I was not so present on the internet before.

So I registered on that website a month ago and created my profile...

And when I browse on other people's profiles they have like 200-300 friends!

After one month, I have only 30 friends

 

Now...with a bit of brains I can tell that I don't know only 30 people in the world, but most of my friends don't even use much internet.

 

Apart from that, I noticed that ever since I made my facebook account, people in my university seemed less eager to speak with me.

 

I thought that this might be due to the fact that now they discovered that I don't have any internet friends... at least in appearance.

Maybe it's a silly thought... but it is sometimes embarrassing when everyone else has so many contacts, and I have so few...

 

I'm scared that this might somehow affect other people's attitude towards me (that they might really think "ah, he's a looser! He has only 30 friends on Facebook!)

 

What would you advise me?

 

P.S. I must admit that I'm really worried about this... reputation can be a very tough issue sometimes

[Baby Carrot]

Listen... the world DOES NOT revolve around Facebook (whatever that thing is) or any other online site for putting up profiles.

 

The internet blogs are not a substitute for actual friendships and friends.

 

I´d be more worried about continue meeting people in the REAL LIFE.

[The Vitruvian Man]

If a person judged you based on how many friends you have on some website, are they really worth knowing? I know I don't think so.

 

You'll find the people who have 10000000 friends on myspace/facebook dont know even half of the people on their list. They simply do it for the vanity of having a high number. So don't worry about it, man. It's not the size of the count, but the quality of the people on it that matters (at least in my opinion).

 

Cheers.

[california_love2006]

I'd rather have 1 or 2 real, honest true friends (online or offline) that will always stick by my side no matter what, than 100 friends i barely know.

[Hope75]

Is it a race to have 200 or 300 friends?

 

How strong do you think these friendships really are?

 

Personally, I'd find it impossible to maintain 300 friendships.

 

I agree with California_Love. It is not the quantity of your friends, but the quality.

 

And honey, at almost 21 you are not getting old.

[easyguy]

I used to cling to the notion that racking up your online buddies was a good thing. Then I started doing things off the computer and felt much better on a daily basis.

 

Give yourself a break. Everyone needs one from time to time.

[Unhumble]

Thank you for all your replies!

 

I must say that I agree with you. I know that it's impossible to really maintain 200 to 300 friendships.

 

However, I think the number of online buddies (whether they are real friends or just acquaintanceships) somehow influences the image other people have of me... image and appearance is not important in real-life friendships, but it might be so when it comes to what others (potential friends or employers seeking your profiles on the internet) think of you.

 

I don't know... I've somehow had the feeling that much of after-teens life is based on what others think of you, on your reputation, etc....

 

What do you think? Any advice on this?

[Hope75]

How much do you base your own self worth on what other people think of you?

Personally, I have a few good friends and a number of acquaintances and I like it just fine. If people are judging me based on the number of friends that I have than they are not giving me a fair chance and don't really know me at all.

 

It is those who look beyond the shallow and superficial things and actually talk to me and get to know me who are the ones who will get a real chance to see what I am like... and if they don't like me, that is OK. I am happy with who I am.

 

What about you?

[meechigan]

It would be easy for me to sit here and tell you, "Quality is more important than quantity." So let me put it this way.

 

I just asked my 17 year old daughter, a "Myspace" veteran, how many of her 160 contacts she actually considers "friends."

 

Her answer, "About 20."

 

My hunch is that collecting friends on spacebook is more a matter of time than popularity. Many casual contacts stay there because the myspace owner feels reluctant to "delete" them. "Deleting" a friend sounds so harsh.

 

Quality friendship takes time and effort. You sound intelligent and thoughtful. Give it time. You are not a loser, just a newbie.

 

Like I am on eNotAlone.

[easyguy]

I don't take mySpace very seriously. I have 700 friends, but I know only 10 or so in person. But then again, it is a music page, so it isn't so much for making friends as it is for networking with other artists and faces around the world.

[Unhumble]

I know that quality is more important than quantity...

 

But I think the above post identified what I'm worried about: the network.

 

What if the number of people in your network indicates how connected you are with people around you, and thus, is an indicator of your "social skills" (in today's modern world, at least)?

 

What if this is indeed observed by employers before they interview job candidates?

 

Can I say on my CV (resumé that I have covered leadership roles and was socially active (which is true to be honest), but then have a "network" of just 30 people on the internet?

 

I must admit that that's my real worry... that what they see of me on the internet might give them a different impression.

 

(I read several articles on the fact that human resource officials thoroughly analyze the internet presense of job applicants, especially on websites like Facebook and Myspace, and look at how people relate with others and what they write about themselves, etc.)

[easyguy]

The way I see it, if it has benefited you, then I don't see why you shouldn't include information about your networking skills through different mediums. A couple of years ago I met this one local musician through mySpace, and after introducing each other, he let me sit in at one of his gigs. Sure enough, I did. And not even that, I networked with the other musicians in the band, and used one of them for a recording project I did months later.

 

It all depends on how you use it.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

Why can't you just be above and beyond all of that Facebook bullcARp? If you show that you have no need to have a profile on there, it'll make you the cooler man (in my opinion).

 

No offense to you or anything, but is this all you have to worry about?? Internet friends!? I'd be more concerned with making real friends, those whom you can interact with in person, go out with, and so on. Because, chances are, you won't be in contact with your internet friends forever. Most of them die out. You have a better chance of keeping your in-person (non-internet) friends.

 

Just my thoughts.

[langford]

If anything a person with a hugh number of friends on myspace/etc is off putting,it downgrades your friendship with them as just one of many,and they come off as a bit of "friendship" whxre without any real standards for deep relationships.

 

The people with fewer friends appeal to me, it's a bit more special to be invited into their world than into someone who just chucks any old person in.