Birthday is tomorrow...

[Jon8652]

Hi guys, I'm sorry I haven't been able to give advice, I've been rather greedy in taking it lately instead, and I appreciate anyone who has any input.

 

So update from last post on Christmas Day. I was on the verge of texting her, but I did not, as I realized it was not my place to break NC, if it was going to happen, it needed to come from her.

 

So this is where I am. Today was day 22 of NC, and the most shocking thing to me was that I did not receive a call at any point in those three weeks, and more importantly, received nothing on Christmas. That really blew me away, Christmas is her favorite time of the year, and she couldn't even send a text. To me, that really felt like it was the final straw. But talking to people, I realized that Christmas is more of a family holiday, and it wasn't the worst thing that she didn't contact me. Also, as long as three weeks feels to me, it is not that long in the sense of No Contact. Three weeks, if I am to learn anything from this board, is a very short period of time.

 

My concern right now is my birthday. In about an hour it will be the 30th, and I will be 24. I am so scared that she will not contact me, after three years together. My family and friends said that no message on the birthday is just rude, and now I am completely scared about what will happen. On the other hand, if she doesn't contact me, do I still have any chance of being with her again? I have really been trying hard to keep to NC, and I feel proud that she didn't get the satisfaction of my contacting her on Christmas. I know I sound all over the place, I just don't know what to do right now. I just want her to contact me, to know that she still cares. I don't even know if she called or texted me that I would pick up. Honestly, I'm hoping I wouldn't. The scariest thing about my position right now is being long distance. I feel as though I don't have the option of running into her in town, and if I'm going to commit to NC, then it really is cutting her out of my life. I hate how that sounds and I hate how it feels. And I'm scared that NC combined with being long distance will just further the distance between us. Also, is it horrible that she hasn't contacted me in three weeks? Or is that normal? Is it horrible that I received no message on Christmas? Or should I just look at the larger picture and remember that none of this is important and I should give her space if I ever want to stand a miniscule chance again?

 

Any advice on my ramblings is greatly appreciated, and I promise that whatever happens with my current situation, when I get to a stronger point I will respond to your messages and give the best advice that I can. Thanks again.

[heloladies21]

Although your feelings are very normal for someone in your position, you need to alter your whole perception.

 

If you're still waiting for her call, then you are not in a position to talk to her. Don't worry about being in NC because even if you were in touch with her, it wouldn't solve anything anyways. Just look through all the posts on here and see all of the broken stories of guys who stayed either friends or in the background in the hopes that their ex changes their mind. It never happens, so this has been proven to be a false method. So even if she calls, skip the call until you feel like you have more control over your emotions. You can call her back later on if you decide when you've cooled off.

 

As for hope for a reconcilliation, I don't want to mislead you my friend. Break ups are for real and the only thing you can believe right now is that things will stay this way. This is the reality of the situation. Whether she's called you or not in the last 3weeks is not so important, but all you can assume at this point is that she has moved on and so should you.

 

There's that saying "hope for the best, plan for the worst." In situations like these during a break up, drop the hope. All you can do is try your best to accept that the relationship is over and move on. The sooner you get to this point the better.

 

And as for the NC giving her time to think things over and realize, this is actually a myth that's been perpetuated on here. NC doesn't work to bring back an ex. At best you will get temporary results, but the effect will wear off and the underlying reason that she left will still be there.