Reasonable Financial Expectations

[Soon_tobex]

43, married 19 years, 3 kids. I work, wife hasn't worked much (outside the home) for at least 14 years, although she still maintains a valid nursing license and did work a couple of months a couple of years ago.

 

We have a decent net-worth (home equity, cars, cash, investments, etc). Any broad expectations as to how much a divorce is going to cost me?

 

What percentage of the net-worth?

 

How is alimony / child support calculated?

 

Will she have a 'right' to future earning increases or investment proceeds?

 

Thanks

[shelly7]

She is probably entitled to half of everything and that may include a certain percentage of future earnings. She will probably be able to reside in the house until the youngest child turns 18. Since she hasn't worked I'm sure you will have to pay alimony.

 

I'm really sorry for your situation and I'm not a lawyer, but it would definitely be in your best interest to secure a good divorce attorney. Oh, and as an added bonus you will probably have to pay the legal fees as well.

 

Good luck to you!

[DN]

There are huge variable in all divorce cases not least of which is one determined by where you live.

[avman]

That all depends on the situation, your location, the laws in your area, the judge, how good your attorneys are, and so on. There's no way to predict exactly how it will turn out.

 

Generally with a very long term marriage like you have they will split the net worth somewhere down the middle. Child support is calculated by fixed guidelines in most locations in the US and Canada. If you are somewhere else then you need to check the laws where you live.

 

Spousal support (previously called alimony) is at the discretion of the court.

 

And the divorce will cost you in direct proportion to how much you two fight. If you agree on everything, the cost will be minimal. If you fight every little detail, the cost will be astronomical.

[mike_chppr]

Well, I'd check into mediation services. She wants out, so maybe you can help her work through it, if you do it correctly both of you should feel a little taken advantage of. The only thing is, she possibly sees it as her way or the highway, so she may take you for anything she can get, and by the sounds of it she may milk you with alimony and such. I would seek legal counsel. But see several different people, you may talk to one or two and all they can see is dollar signs instead of people.

 

Best of luck to you.

 

Net worth is definitely half as far as investments. I sold all of our joint investments today, This way we have a firm dollar amount to split and the taxes are done as a married couple.

 

As far as retirement accounts, we tallyed the both of ours together and divided by two. Then I can get a legal order to transfer my money from my 401K to her 401K with a marginal transfer fee and no taxes.

 

Best of luck to you

[Baby Carrot]

Hey, I followed the other thread.

 

I don´t know anything about what you´re asking, I just wanna say

 

C ON GR AT UL ATI ON S !!!

and please, don´t look back

[Soon_tobex]

LOLOLOL

 

Thanks Baby!

 

I've done a little research on mediation and hope maybe we will try it.

 

We haven't completely decided for the Big D... it ain't easy with so much on the line, but the more I think about this and really, really watch how I'm being treated, the more I think: F it. I want to smile, not frown for the second half of my life.

 

I'll keep you posted!

 

The financial piece is bewildering

[annie24]

hi - I read your previous thread also. I am sorry that you are going through this. I agree with mediation, give that a shot. I was reading an article online (link removed I think....) that the average divorce costs $25,000. Most of that is in lawyer fees. So if you two can agree to not fight over the salad bowl and shrimp forks, it will leave the both of you in a far better financial spot. A lawyer interviewed for the article said that in one case, the couple spent so much time fighting over some dish or something, that they both could have gone out and bought a new one - instead, that money went to the lawyer.

[Baby Carrot]

We haven't completely decided for the Big D... it ain't easy with so much on the line, but the more I think about this and really, really watch how I'm being treated, the more I think: F it. I want to smile, not frown for the second half of my life.

 

 

Hey, if you thought the day of your wedding was the happiest day of your life... think again. The day of your divorce should be GLORIOUS.

 

You do deserve to smile after all you´ve been thru. Heck you deserve the Vatican to turn you into Saint STBE !!!

 

Best of luck for you.

 

PS. You should go to some kind of reversed bachelor party in a strip club once everything is over

[Soon_tobex]

Strange thing: my wife has said (often and loudly) that our wedding day was a sad day for her. Claimed she didn't really want to get married but that I was the best route out. Ouch. Some of that is just her being mean, some of that is her being truthful.

 

Question: people say 'protect yourself financially'. What does that mean?? How do you do that? We have a lot of money in a liquid account and she could, with a check, drain it all. If I made a preemptive move and took 1/2 and set it aside, she'd go absolutely ballistic and she'd definitely start WWIII. I'd much rather do this amicably (I don't want the stress, I don't want the butter knives, I don't want to pay thousands to lawyers). But she is so vindictive that I know she'd go postal if I just moved the money.

 

Thoughts???

[DN]

Do you want to avoid her going ballistic or are you prepared to lose the money?

 

If she is likely to be vindictive over that then you had better be prepared for her to be vindictive over any money issue where she doesn't get what she wants.

 

See a lawyer and get a plan.

[avman]

If she were to drain an account, you would be able to recover that by taking more property elsewhere such as retirement accounts, house, car, etc. Judges look very unfavorably on things like that during a divorce.

 

You say you want to do this amicably, yet she's ultra vindictive. Do you really believe it's possible to do this in an amicable fashion? Only you can answer that question.

 

If you believe divorce is inevitable, then it's time to take some reasonable precautions. That includes closing joint credit card accounts to prevent your spouse from running them up. Moving 1/2 of the money from a joint account to a single account is also reasonable. Do not move any more than 1/2, and make sure during the divorce you disclose what you did and why you did it to the court. They'll be fine with moving 1/2 as long as you are up front about it.

 

Leave your insurance policies alone until the divorce is final. You'll be restricted with what you can do with those during the divorce. So just maintain current coverage for everything until it all gets sorted.

 

Good luck.

[Soon_tobex]

Thanks. Sounds like reasonable advice. I'll call to set an appointment with a lawyer on Tuesday.

 

Strange because it was exactly 1 year ago that we were in exactly the same spot but somehow we backed away from it. And here we are again.

 

Approximately 25% of our net worth is invested in my business. It's not 'my company' (I don't own it per se). But I (we?) own equity in the company (it's a growing company) and you cannot get it out. Period.

 

Approximately 25% is in cash, 25% in home equity, 25% in cars, IRA's and personal items.

 

So, I'd like to give her most of the cash, the home equity, 2 of the 3 cars, and most of the personal items. That's about 1/2.

 

There's no way to get the investment out of the company so i'll keep that, a little cash, the IRA's and a few personal items.

 

We may be able to work it that way, i dunno.

 

I make a decent pay so I'll be fine paying alimony/child support. Not sure where I'll live... I'll rent for a while. No rush to buy.

 

Any idea how the house works? If she gets it (which I'm mostly fine with), then I want OFF the deed. I guess she'd have to get a mortgage? How would she qualify as she has no job?

 

Will the court 'force' her to return to work? It would sure be nice if my alimony could be reduced by her getting a job. She is 100% able-bodied and still has a valid nursing license (every year she's renewed it) and she did work for about 2-3 months in 2002/2003 because she wanted to get out of the house.

[avman]

She's entitled to 1/2 the equity in the house. If you want to give it all to her and just transfer the deed you can do that. But getting your name off the deed does nothing for the mortgage. She'd have to refinance. And if she's not working and doesn't have the income/credit to justify it then that's going to be tricky. You might be better off keeping the house/mortgage and giving her something else.

 

I don't know what the court will do regarding work. You'll need to talk to your lawyer. That's a very discretionary thing.

[Soon_tobex]

Would she qualify for a mortgage since she'd have my alimony/child support payments coming her way?

 

I guess she could also take the cash I'd be giving her and pay off the mortgage. Then she'd have no monthly payment although she wouldn't have much, if any, cash for emergencies. At least not initially. Over time she could build up a savings.

[avman]

I don't know if she'd qualify. She can state that as income, but its up to the lender to see if she meets their financial guidelines.

[mike_chppr]

Soontobeex,

 

I found an article that kind of deals with what you are going through at Best Life Magazine.

link removed

and

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Hope this helps

mike_chppr