Girl issues

[dunlevyd]

Ok, I'm writing this because I need help mostly. I've had relatively few interactions with girls on an "more than friends" level in the past but a few have popped up recently. I'm now a senior in high school, and have never really gotten into it before. I always thought it was because nobody would like me, or I was ugly. For the first three years of high school, I basically just assumed that I would never get a girlfriend, so I never tried.

 

This year was different, though. I guess it's because I've started being more social. I've met different people, and a few girls have shown interest in me. Let me start with the first. She was a really interesting girl, who seemed very intellectual. I had always had sort of a thing for her since sophomore year, but I never really thought anything could happen between us, so I didn't even talk to her really. It wasn't until this year that we started talking. After a while, a close friend of mine told me that she liked me. Not only that, but that she was considering leaving her current boyfriend for me. Also, a few days later, after she came over to my house for a while (along with a few other friends), she came back to my doorstep and kissed me, and said she liked me. That sent a clear message. The following night, I asked her out. She said yes, but then later on in the night she said she couldn't go. I asked her out again. Another dodge in return. I even asked her out a final time, and got another blank response. She didn't say anything to me until I forced it out of her later. She eventually told me that I was just a rebound, and that she was just going through with her boyfriend. Of course, she said it in a much nicer way though.

 

Shortly after this ordeal, another girl popped out of nowhere it seemed. I thought things would go much better with this girl. She was very approachable and we share a lot in common. We started talking excessively, every chance we had it seemed. It was obvious that we really liked each other, and several people had told me that she liked me. I was really unsure of how to get things moving, so a few nights ago she came over to my house. I guess you could call it a "first date." The plan was to smoke pot. Everything started well, but I did the stupid thing by trying to impress her, and took in way too much smoke. Keep in mind, this was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't feel any effect so I thought I was doing it wrong. Then a few minutes later it hit me. It all rushed to my head so quickly, and I collapsed on the ground in total shock. I was having a terrible high. It dragged on for hours. I made a complete fool out of myself. I probably scared her to death. Could I have screwed that up any worse?

 

While I was high, I said some pretty stupid things. I whined about how I screwed things up for the evening, and how she would never consider me as a boyfriend. I even told her I liked her at one point I think. She must think I'm totally psychotic right now. Later on that evening we talked briefly on AIM. I said to her, "So where should we go from here?" She replied, "I really don't know." Interestingly, her, a friend of mine, and me still ended up going to San Francisco as planned before the incident today. As expected, she really didn't want to have anything to do with me. It was dreadfully awkward. My friend and her basically talked the whole time, and I was shut out. It's obvious that she really has no interest in me anymore. I'm devastated.

 

What a mess I've created here. I really have no clue what I'm doing. I just keep screwing up again and again. Does anyone have any advice? Even at this very moment, she's online but I don't know what to say to her. Maybe I shouldn't say anything at all. What can I say?

[honeyspur]

I think the only reason these girls didn't get serious with you is they sensed your discomfort and awkwardness in yourself.

Obviously they were attracted to you and I suspect it was a combination of looks and personality - because that is what everyone looks for in a boyfriend/girlfriend.

I would start focusing on gaining some confidence in yourself by choosing to believe that your appearance and personality are ok. The way you talk,dress and joke are fine too. You have good instincts because you recognize when you've made a mistake, and you are intelligent enough to pay attention to detail, something women like.

You could check out some books in the library or read online studies about having confidence, because you are intellectual. This will help immensely.

 

Good luck.

[Altruist]

Move on dunlevyd, this relationship cannot be salvaged. Take it as a lesson. While I'm not out to preach to people, I'd advise you to stay away from drugs-they're nothing but trouble and contrary to popular belief, they don't make you look macho.

[jwzdc]

you dont have to move on. all you need to do is make a joke out of what happened that night, or carry it lightly. dont bring it up unless you can make a good joke about it with a transition into something else. talk to her. engage in convorsation and hope that what happened that night is brought up, so you can discard it with a smile. doubt yourself a lot before hand, but while youre talking or hanging with her, do not doubt yourself at all.

 

best thing to do is find the balance between the girl being "more" than you and the girl being "less" than you.

 

also, my buddy always told me this, when we were at a dance or a party, and i was apprehensive to approuch a girl:

 

"look. the girl youre going for is your friend you dont know very well. you talk to them respectfully, calmly, casually. like its no big deal, because it isnt."

 

good luck man.