Lunch with an Ex

[Daligal83]

My boyfriend told me last week that his ex had contacted him and wanted to meet up. They dated only for a couple months, it was a year ago, and it wasn't anything special. He was really happy when she broke it off.

 

I totally trust him and have no real problem with him hanging out with her. He mentioned something about her wanting his advice on how to let a guy down because of religious reasons, since he's been in that position many times.

 

My first instinct was fear...thinking why could she want to get together with him after so long? What if she wants to get back together? But then I remembered that he loves me, wasn't so crazy about her, and that he was honset about it from the moment it happened...so now I really don't care.

 

I think in your situation...since he knows you don't like her and he doesn't have good relations with her...I can completely see why you are upset. Also hanging up on you instead of talking about it seems pretty immature. I think you need to examine your relationship and see if it's one worth staying in. He doesn't seem to respect how you feel. Keep us posted!

[WildChild]

Well, the topic has yet to be brought up. I've been cool and semi-distant with him during the time we have spent together. I guess at sometime I will have to mention something, because to be honest I almost feel like it's a sense of betrayal.

[Ash]

I'm posting late on this thread ... but here's my take.

 

Inviting an ex out to lunch to catch up wouldn't sit all that well with me. Honestly, I'd have to say my SO contacting an ex in any way to catch up would make me a little uneasy. An email I'd see as a bit different, but a "catch up" arrangement sounds far too date-like to me.

 

If there are certain details that should / need to be discussed about some common issues that's one thing. Meeting for idle chit chat is entirely another. It's okay (in my books anyway) to get together to sort out things like utility bills, items one has that still belong to the other etc.

 

If all the poeple involved are on good terms then a meeting might be okay but at that time I'd have to think my SO would like to have me come along and I'd be expecting my SO's ex's current partner would be there too (if there was one) so it would be a casual meeting for three or four people.

 

Given the specifics of your situation WildChild I can certainly understand why it would be quite upsetting and my sympathies are with you.

 

You have my best wishes that it all turns out okay whatever happens.

[Momene]

I think lunch isn't so bad as it's unlikely to lead to anything else. I think any one-on-one time spent with exes is to be discouraged. I know modern thinking encourages you to stay friends with exes but I think it shouldn't be at the expense of your current relationship.

[kellbell]

If it is not such a big deal, I do not understand why he can not invite you along.

[WildChild]

I think given the fact too that I have found this out from a mutual friend of me and her (the ex) makes it even more bothersome. It certainly wasn't anything he told me about, I didn't even know they were chatting. I guess my thought is this: if ya run into one another, fine: chit chat and catch up. But to go out of your way to email, call, lunch or anything else and especially given I can't stand her? Why? I'm trying to not make this into anything in the sense of they would have cheated but it's hard to not look at the whole pic when he never told me they were chatting, never told me about this pot lunch, and seemed totally surprised that I disliked her so much when I told him: he's totally aware that I think she is a disgrace.