Why does seeing them somtimes hurt: rambles

[no_bad_news]

I think my Ex is showing off his new gf to torture me!

 

I read the post below and sometimes he bothers me. Most of the time it hurts when I see him with his new gf. It is annoying. I am still single. I am over him, but not over what I wanted from him. If that makes sense.

 

 

I am going through the last of the holidays as we broke up around t-giving in 05. I am allowing msyself to grieve.

 

I don't care if ppl think I am crazy to not be over it after one year. Love isn't respectful of time. I am over it. But I can still miss it. And I can be hurt by it.

 

I think moving on is hard. I think I don't know how to really. So I "do" the old relationship. I let him affect me because I am somehow still doing the "old" relationship with him.

 

 

I have seen him. I say hello, and I walk by. It is the worst to be strangers to someone that you loved. But is worse to be in a relationship that sucks.

 

I have been on a few dates. But I am not ready to fully let go of the past. there is a huge weight on me. I can feel it. but it will slowly lift becasue it has to.

[laboheme]

It's very normal to be especially emotional about past relationships during the holidays, since they are a time for family and friends to come together and be happy...and obviously memories come up. Also, if you had a long-term relationship with him, a year removed is not that long, so it's not abnormal to still feel hurt at times.

 

It's very understandable that it hurts to see him with someone new, even if you're over him. It's possible that what hurts the most is the fact that he is happy with someone new and you haven't found that someone yet; not the fact that he chose over you.

 

I think your attitude is healthy though. You acknowledge your feelings, but you are still moving on, and you have hope for the future. Keep it up, and it will get better one day!

[DN]

You say you are not ready to let go of the past.

 

Why? How can that possibly help you? It is time you make a decision to do exactly that and that means that you have to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and he is not coming back. That may be hard for you but you will never move forward so long as you are stuck in the past.

[no_bad_news]

I guess I don't know how to let go of it. I still see him and am involved in the same activities.

 

You can't just stop obsessing. which is what I think I am doing.

 

It's like I was still interested in fixing something and now its never going to be.

 

I guess I don't believe I will be able to have the same feeling for someone else... yet... so that is why I can't let go of it.

 

Or maybe I don't want to have feeling for anyone else yet. I am not sure what purpose that serves though. I guess I am trying to protect myself, but honestly you can't just turn it off.

 

I talked to a counselor and that helped. I got some tools I can use to stop putting him on a pedastool. And I know I will move on.. slowly...

[no_bad_news]

It's very normal to be especially emotional about past relationships during the holidays, since they are a time for family and friends to come together and be happy...and obviously memories come up. Also, if you had a long-term relationship with him, a year removed is not that long, so it's not abnormal to still feel hurt at times.

 

It's very understandable that it hurts to see him with someone new, even if you're over him. It's possible that what hurts the most is the fact that he is happy with someone new and you haven't found that someone yet; not the fact that he chose over you.

 

I think your attitude is healthy though. You acknowledge your feelings, but you are still moving on, and you have hope for the future. Keep it up, and it will get better one day!

 

 

Thanks! Sometimes ppl say get over it, but I think that's unfair. I don't think about calling him, or emailing him. IN all honesty I don't like who he is right now. I just miss the person I loved. Or the person that loved and respected me. I know that person is gone. But this new person that he has become isn't what I want in a mate. I think I feel this way because I put alot into the relationship and bascially got rejected. That hurts!

[cordelia]

You need to avoid seeing him or talking to him at all. The reason you are not over it is because when you see him regularly, especially with a new girl you are constantly reminded of what you lost. Think of it this way: out of sight, out of mind, right ?

Everyone here knows that the fastest and easiest way to get over an ex completely is strict no contact!

And tell your friends as well that you don't want to hear a word about him.

The sooner you do this, the sooner you will feel completely ready to date someone new. Good luck!