Can I give her a second chance? should I?

[AzureSkyes69]

I need help with a situation...

 

 

*** came by to see me she wanted to talk to me.

*** wants me back big time,she was crying and practically begging for me to take her back she said she is sorry for ever hurting me or cheating on me and that she wants a life with me.She gave me a ring..(I don't know) why couldnt she have woken up before this?

She said the person she was who was drunk and using drugs and hit me no longer exists she said she has smartend up and is working hard at her job now not slacking off and calling out.she has not been clubbing or drinking heavly in 3 weeks (I was able to confirm this through someone else as well,so that is true)

Before hand when she first got to my house I offered her a glass of wine (it took her the enitre visit to drink the wine) the old her would have drank the entire bottle with me and still be looking for more to drink.I don't know,maybe she has changed for the better and is a new person.But how can I be sure? do I take that risk and be with the ony person I have ever loved or do I just go on with my life an live it and she lives hers.I do still love her deeply and that is why this is so hard for me.

I seriously don't know what to do.I should just say

and be done with her ..but why is that proving to be so hard?](*,)

She wants me to spend Christmas Eve at her apartment and Christmas with her.She said she is ready to commit to me fully.

grrrrr ...why does life have to be like this so hard?

I have so many conflicting thoughts about this.

Can somone change for the better on their own?

I wanted to see thoes changes long ago,now she seems to be doing it on her own.

I am perplexed about this whole thing

 

I am beside myself with without answers...

and wondering if this is a miricle or just a trick to get me with her again..will history repeat itself if I go back with her or can and will it be diffrent?

 

The only think I am asking is if you are starting to see proof that someone is making the effort to turn their life around and that you really feel they are being sincere with you would you give them another chance?

 

Thanks

 

 

 

[whenamansloveisreal]

if u both feel that u will not explode into a puddle of goo and be the two loving confident people u were - i would suggest u test the waters first [and leave any past stuff out - just enjoy christmas]

the chances are slim this will happen but u can win unless u play

[papalazarou]

 

The only think I am asking is if you are starting to see proof that someone is making the effort to turn their life around and that you really feel they are being sincere with you would you give them another chance?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes. Yes I would. But enter with caution as you have been hurt before. But that goes without saying.

[JulieW]

nononononononono

[arwen]

I think when a couple breaks up and gets back together, there is always a risk that things don't change ENOUGH to make it work. Judging by your post, there were good reasons for you two to split. She cheated and had issues with alcohol and drugs, I think unless she actually proves that she does not drink or use drugs anymore, chances are that things will go south after a while.

 

I wouldn't get back together directly. Maybe be friends or casually date (no sex) first. People CAN change. But in a relationship, this change is a dynamic process. The change in the one person needs to fit with the needs of the other and yet be independent of that person. What I mean is that her change is for HER benefits first (deciding to be in a loyal and committed relationship, and not using substances anymore). If this is just for you or to get you back, the risk in this situation is that she herself doesn't see why she should change independently from you, or become co-dependent (as soon as troubles arise in the relationship, she could have an excuse to use drugs for example).

 

Ilse

[dnozzle]

Personally, I'd say RUN AWAY!

[whenamansloveisreal]

well, speaking as someone with a drug problem follow how my mind set has changed since i start on my program.

 

6 months ago

when asked what the problem was i said - getting over the hurt from failing in a relationship

when asked what i had lost i said - the love of my life

when asked what recovery mean to me i said - to stop blaming myself

 

NOW

when asked what the problem was i said - cocaine

when asked what i had lost i said - self respect and freedom

when asked what recovery mean to me i said - no drugs

 

that's a huge shift - and makes a big difference

 

NO ELSE BUT ME NEEDS TO KNOW THAT THO

[shes2smart]

The one thing that concerns me most about your situation is this: by your description it sounds like she's got some serious substance abuse issues and may, in fact, be an alcoholic.

 

If that's the case, you're talking about someone who's got a mere 3 weeks of "sobriety." While she should be encouraged to continue on this positive path, from where you're standing, 3 weeks in recovery is merely a beginning. If she's serious about getting and staying sober, she's got a long, tough road ahead of her. It's not really a good time for her to be focusing on anything other than her recovery.

 

Encourage her to continue on this path? Certainly. It's clear you still care for her. Get back together with her? If it was me, I wouldn't at this point.