Jealousy

[2tragic]

Hello to everyone, I am new and going thru some tuff relationship woes. I really want to stop being so innefective in my relationships. I am get really discouraged......

 

 

 

My boyfriend and I come from 2 different places. I am from FLorida and he is from Wisconsin. He moved here about a year ago, after his ex cheated on him and he wanted to start a new life in a new place.

 

We have been dating for about 9 months and it has been very turbulent.

 

I admit to my jealousy of his ongoing communication with his ex. When we have struggles, she tells him to just give up on me and leave. When we are doing fine she emails and calls and tells him she still loves him and can't get over him. And that she lost the love of her life and will always regret her actions. I know about these emails because he is honest about them. He doesn't try to hide them.

 

I have also been jealous about his correspondence with another who is an -ex of one of his friends. They were never close in the past, but since he has moved to Florida and she is also in a new town (she fled after their breakup), they have leaned on each other a little. I know he thinks she is hot, because I have heard him say that, and I also know that she is very prolific and witty.

 

I can't help it, I am jealous. I WISH I was his hot, prolific pen pal. He would flip out If I was having something like that.

 

So I have jealousy issues. So does he.

 

Last night we were at a party and I ran to an old friend of a friend and I just wanted to ask how he was doing. Friend1 said he hadn't spoken to friend2 in quite a while. But meanwhile 2 guys were standing next to friend1 and they were kind of heckling me a little. Telling me I was pretty and flirting.....and I Was like, "my boyfriend is gonna flip out if they don't stop"....and after a few minutes, I ended the conversation and went back to sit with my boyfriend.

 

He saw the whole thing thru the window and was really upset. He said that I just have to have attention from everyone. I want to be pretty to everyone. I can't just be pretty to one man. The night was obviously ruined, so we left the party drove home and silence, had one last blow-out in the driveway, and went home separately.

 

Should I have avoided the opportunity to speak to that guy?

 

It is very challenging living in my hometown with this guy from another place. It's like he can't accept that I've lived here my whole life and am going to run into folks from my past.

 

But there is this double standard it seems. He has like 5 ex girlfriends as friends on his MYSPACE PAGE!!!!!

 

I know this relationship is too tainted. But in the future, how can I manage my current relationship, without my checkered past coming back to haunt it?

 

-I will never give up, just keep on getting my heart broken.

[Aurian]

It seems to me that there should be no problems with having a friend of the opposite gender. You said yourself that the guys you were talking to were friends and you did clearly tell them that you had a boyfriend - you're not hiding anything!

 

I am more troubled by your boyfriend's ex - the one you talked about first. If she is really trying to drive a wedge between you two, why is your boyfriend still talking to her? She has moved beyond being a friend and is now involved in your relationship - probably hoping to get your boyfried back via sabotage. Now this kind of ex-relationship is the troublesome one. You can try asking your boyfriend why he is still friend with her if she tries to break you two up...

 

I also have trouble with your boyfriend's behavior - he seems to be trying to make you feel less about yourself. He tells you that he has one ex pining after him, and lets you know that he thinks another ex is hot? Why is he telling you these things???

 

I dunno, I think your jealousy is valid, wheras his is not, judging by your examples.

[2tragic]

Thanks for your support, Aurian. It has helped.

 

One thing about my boyfriends ex, he usually ignores her and doesn't reply. He doesn't think it's right of her to keep trying to interfere with us.

 

The only time that he has actively engaged in communication with her were during times that we had split up.....then she gets her hopes up , and then we get back together and he decides to start ignoring her again. Which is very hurtful to her.

 

The other girl he communicates with is not HIS ex, it's his friend's ex.