Is she interested?

[swertyqwerty]

I recently started working at Macys in the men's shoe departement about 3 weeks ago. In the department in front of me, I noticed someone. Whenever she works there I can't help and glance to see what she's doing and wondering what she is like. She has friends in my department and eats in our stock room during her lunch break since it's the closest room she can eat in. She has friends in my department too and she likes talking A LOT and shes a very crazy out of control girl, which I find attractive

 

Anyway, I guess I wouldn't be so interested except for the fact that I sometimes catch her looking at me. Of course, I'm not going to just pick out specific instances, I'm sure she looks around at other people and wonder what they're doing. Yesterday though, when she was having her lunch break in the stock room, I would pass by her a few times. While looking for some shoes, I catch her friend (who was also eating with her) looking at me from the corner of my eye. When I turned my view her way she suddenly went back to eating, not saying a word and pretending she wasn't looking at all.

 

After a while, they got tired and asked why I don't talk to them. I told them it was because I'm just shy. So they told me that I shouldn't be shy around them and that's how we got our conversation going.

 

It was a normal conversation, whatever, but in the middle of it she asked if I had a girlfriend. I told her the story of how my last ex broke up with me for a new computer and she kept saying that I shouldn't feel bad and that there's always someone better out there.

 

Do you think Ashely might be interested in me? I'm not sure if she is, and I wouldn't be surprised if she had a boyfriend (I was too busy to ask and she left before I got a chance to talk to her again.) I don't know, I'm just wondering if there is any other reason someone would ask if I had a GF.

 

Also, any idea of how I can continue the conversation? I'm kind of intimidated by her and I'm not sure if I'm in her league, and I wouldn't know what else to say.

[No Spaces Rob]

She may be interested in you but it is notoriously difficult to tell what someone is thinking. You can't tell until you actively find out, ie by asking her out.

 

When you meet a new girl I would definitely avoid talking about negative things such as:

- how shy you are

- any negative experience you had with an ex

 

It won't make her feel sorry for you, it'll just sound kind of pathetic. Plus, you have ruined some mystery. You don't want her to see you as a guy who keeps whining about how his ex treated him.

 

You're going to need to get some confidence - that is very difficult to do and I'll leave it up to others to expand on this.

 

When you are around her, tell yourself that anybody would be lucky to know you or have your attention (you are the prize). Never whine about how crappy your life is or how bad you are with women. Get comfortable making eye contact with people, and when your eyes are met, smile in a friendly, cheeky way.

 

PS...

 

In case you were thinking this, asking if you have a girlfriend is not necessarily an indication that she is interested. I think you'll have to look for more non-verbal indications, such as whether she is touching you on your arm/back/whatever when she talks, whether she is looking into your eyes (and perhaps smiling), whether she is being suggestive or teasing or playful, etc. I hate to see it but from what I can see here, she doesn't seem interested. If anything she may have been saying those things about your girlfriend out of pity, because you seemed so glum about it. That is NOT the way to go when meeting women.

 

The very first thing you have to work on is dealing with your issues. You are blowing the negatives in your life out of proportion. Do you think of yourself as an interesting, adventurous guy? Think of it this way. You have had about 1 million experiences in your life. Why, when meeting women, would you harp on about some of the negative ones? Like the fact you're so shy you find it difficult to talk to women, or that your ex girlfriend dumped you? Have you ever travelled? Have you ever taken a risk that paid off, liking entering a contest and winning? Have you been to school? Have you seen countless great movies, watched countless great sports matches, met some interesting people (all ages) etc? Then why harp on about some negative things in your life? I'm not saying you should necessarily use these as conversation topics. My point is that this is about how you view yourself. You really need to do something about that, because you don't want to get into a situation where you have a short conversation with a girl and when she walks away, the only things she knows about you are negative things.

[swertyqwerty]

Oh, I guess I should have mentioned something. I don't concentrate on the negative things. She just asked and I told her the truth. She asked how I was feeling today and I made her realize that I really didn't care if my ex broke up with me. I was like, she was a stupid girl anyway and she gave me a high five. She was definitely looking in to my eye, but from what other people say she's like that with everone so I asked if she had a boyfriend and she said no. When I asked why she said that the right guy isn't out there. I was like, yeah there are, you just aren't looking in the right places. After that, she had to get back to work so we didn't get to talk about much after that.

 

Yeah, I'm not down on the glumps or anything. In fact, i've been feeling great and I'm ready to meet new people

[No Spaces Rob]

All the same, you did open up and tell her that you were shy and that some girl dumped you for a computer. My point is that if this were a girl you were attracted to, I would stay away from any friendly heart-to-heart chat where you even mention any negative values about yourself (your shyness) or times in which other girls dumped you and how you are trying to put it out of your mind by saying she was stupid anyway. This indicates, by the way, that the girl who dumped you is still very much in your mind and that you're still getting over it (calling her stupid is an indication of this) in which case one of the other fine forums here is a great place to go for advice.

 

As touching as the conversation may have been, in my opinion it isn't appropriate when you just meet a girl you are attracted to. You want to leave her with the impression you are fun and adventurous, and all that conversation about 'feelings' and 'comforting each other' is a bit heavy.

 

If she asks you if you have a girlfriend then say no. Or you don't even have to say that, just grin at her and ask her if she has a boyfriend, or whether she always asks that type of question. Introduce playfulness into the conversation.

 

In my opinion, you should concentrate less on looking for 'signs' of whether she is interested, and concentrate more on the kinds of signals you are sending out.

 

Are you sending out a signal that you are fun and adventurous and you want to play around with this girl? Or are you sending out a signal that you are interested in deep conversations and you want to please her? You want to do the former. To put it another way, have you ever had a girl tell you that she doesn't want to ruin the friendship, or that she though of you as just a friend? Then have a look at what you did to get her comfortable 'as a friend' early on.

 

I'm not a good authority on women, so I hope that others, with more experience, can come in and either agree with me or tell me where I am wrong. But please, have a think about your approach and about keeping things light and playful especially in early stages.

[cpc28655]

I agree with no space rob on this completely. It is a lesson that I have learned the hard way. I am going through a divorce right now, but I assure you that it is the last thing that ladies want to hear. As painful as it was, and even considering what she did (you don't want to know), I try to look at it like this; I wasn't what she wanted but I wish her well. You should look at your situation in a similar way. It shows that you are compassionate and positive about life. Would you want to hear her horror stories? I doubt it.