Hurt

[AmyNicole]

Me and my husband have been married for 4 1/2 years, and we had our problems in the past with him speaking to other women, but I never thought anything of it cause I didn't think he would ever cheat on me.

 

Being in the military we move around alot, in July 06 we PCS' to another state. I thought things were going to work out, but things only got worse. He began talkin to a girl who lived on the next street from us.

She was also married with a family of her own, but having trouble.

Her and my husband began talking, and ended up getting together.

He recently confessed to me that he had cheated on me with over 5 girls and the girl down the street..and the girl down the street is pregnant for him.

 

When he told me about this I was just in shock, dening that it had happened. I am just now beginning to except the fact he is the way he is and he won't ever change. I have told him I am leaving, but he thinks I won't leave.

 

I just need advice on how to deal with the pain, I don't want to be with him anymore, but it is hard to leave ur comfort zone, and we also have two kids together, and we will not be living in the same state for two years when I leave due to his job.

 

Please pray for me and my kids!

Thanks for taking time to read

[Satsuma]

Im sorry to hear that but the thing you both should remember is that there are children involved and whatever happens between you shouldnt hurt them in any way. If you want to leave the relationship then do so, because he doesnt seem trustworthy. But if you do just make sure your children come first.

[Beec]

First, welcome to enotalone. Sorry you coming here was not nder better circumstances. Please stick around. I have not been in your shoes, but someone here surely has been.

 

I have been cheated on, but that was years ago. However, I never forgot the anger and feelings of betrayal it caused in me. So, I do know something of that.

 

I think that you need to ask yourself one big question, can you live with this situation? If not, then what can you do to change it? In my eyes, you probably do need to leave now. A relationship cannot exist without the two people respecting each other. I don't think you have been shown a decent amount of respect by his cheating on you.

 

Hang in there. Things will get better, in time.

[AmyNicole]

Another thing is I have to see her everyday, and I can't say anything due to personal reasons.

 

With my kids, I would never stop him from seeing them. I grew up without my father and so did he. So that isn't even an issue.

 

We have agreed to alot of things, he will give me everything plus a reasonable amount of money.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i know this is so hard for you, when you are trying to keep together a family with kids, and try to support your husband, when your spouse wants to be teenager who keeps acting like he is single and dating like there is no one else to be hurt by his behavior! i hope you understand that someone who would cheat with as many women as he has had a REAL problem, with no excuse for his behavior that you should accept as a reason to tolerate this...

 

if he is impregnating other women while married to you, he is not thinking of his own family and kids, just his own pleasure. so i applaud you for thinking about what is right for your kids, and protecting yourself from the sexually transmitted diseases he might infect you with that could deprive your children of both parents if you get HIV from him because he is indiscreet and not even using protection with his lovers (as the pregnancy of the other woman shows)...

 

i hope you are consulting a divorce lawyer to protect your rights... it is good that he has agreed to lots of things plus a reasonable amount of money, but make sure this is in writing and filed with the court before he changes his mind. you have been a faithful wife, and your kids deserve support, so please move forward with this... you are young and deserve the best, our prayers and thoughts are with you. always think about your kids first, and you will feel strength to move forward with your life, and find a partner who deserves your loyalty and love... chin up, you are young and resilient, and we do understand...

[mike_chppr]

Amy Nicole,

 

I feel for you. I've seen guys like your husband and all I can do is stand on the sidelines, going "Wow she must really hurt being at home while your out....."

 

Being from the military, I will give you some chunks of advise.

 

1) call military onesource. 1-800-342-9647, this number is a connection to six free sessions with a counselor. The counselor may or may not be linked togeether with Tricare, but you can get 6 free sessions for any reason, so this means your first 6 are you are depressed, your second 6 is your husband is a cheat, your third 6 is working through a separation, your fourth 6 is working through a divorce, or any other issue in between. There is a Licensed Professional Counselor on the line that will direct you to someone locally.

 

2) dig your heels in now. This is about the kids and him supporting them. (if they are his of course). People say lots of things when they are somewhat remorseful, but people fall off the edge of the earth! However you separate with a mediator or a lawyer, you need to get the legal responsibilities set in stone. Because here is how it could wind up. He has two children with you, and one in the oven with the neighbor. Hmmm that makes three he is probably 25 years old, maybe an E4 or E5. With his obvious imaturity he is probably an E4. You can work with the kids and a counslor regarding why they won't have a daddy right now/anymore. If he is moving to another state he will play a very small role in their lives. Maximum of 4 weeks out of the year. So three children, in 5 years, lets slow that down to two more in the next 5 years and then one more after that. Finally he says heck, I'm getting fixed. But he has 6 kids your's are teenagers and it isn't cheap. If you aren't working you are entitled to alimony and I believe all of the BAH until you remarry. You have a lot of rights. I'll lower it if you have been messing around also {I'm only mentioning this as you say you can't bring it up with the neighbor. She is just as guilty as he is, and she knows you!}. If that is the case, then it is pretty much 50/50. Basically, Leverage him now with legal paperwork before he is trying to spread his check 6 ways!

 

3) Call his commander, let his commander know what is going on and that you would like to speak with a JAG. You need to find out what your rights are. As a military spouse there are lots, especially in the long term benifits side. You have a right to the military resources. There should also be a FSG, Family Support Group. They will know what resources are available to you as well. The Chaplains Corps as well can be an asset in times like this. With you leaving him his military life could crumble, it is important that his commander know what is going on. I'm fairly sure infidelity is covered in the UCMJ. So you have even more leverage there than you do in civilian arenas. Plus the military will help you do it right. They {the military as an organization} really care about taking care of the families that self-distructive soldiers leave behind. This is part of why they mad the military onesource line. Use it... it is free. Then tricare has some coverage as well to see a counselor.

 

My prayers go out to you, I've seen women in your shoes get crushed, but I've also seen them get back up on their feet and become "Powerhouses!" You will get through this, in the end you got to do what is best for you and your children. The last thing they need is "mommy can't get a new dad because our real dad gave her an STD." You have to live with you until the last day.

 

I hope this advice is helpful, but I'd force you to call onesource if I could, it really is that helpful.

 

1-800-342-9647

 

Take Care,

Mike_chppr

[Anglyz719]

Girl okay first of all I cant believe I found you on here......yay!! You know my thoughts on this whole situation but let me be sure I read this right, he got that girl down the street pregnant!?!?!?!?! Amy, why didnt you tell me that?? we are best friends! enough is enough with that fool! you deserve so much better, he is not even worth it anymore, Just reading that part made my eyes tear up because I know you and you deserve SO MUCH BETTER then him...Amy you are Beautiful and trust me when you are ready you can find BETTER! I cant believe he did that! (ok you all if you havent figured it out yet AmyNicole is my best friend, we have done everything together till her.....whatever you wanna call him moved them all away) Amy I know our situations were different but I agree with Mike because its most of the same things I did. GET HELP to GET OUT!!!! And go to the Chaplins on Post and not just for help but for prayer too!!!! Amy I love you and I hate seeing you in this position! you deserve to be HAPPY....everyone does! okay you know me and I can go on and on and on about this situation but I am not going too because it pisses me off and makes me wanna cry! I love you Amy and I know how strong of a woman you are and you can and WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!! and no matter how far apart we are I will always be by your side!!!!