Things have changed

[Captain34]

So 5 months after the split I called my ex and asked her to meet me for coffee. WE had basically been in NC for a while, broken by each of us at times, but often because we have mutual friends and run into each other at times.

 

Coffee turned to dinner and things went well. I think it was a bigstep in opening up some honest communication. We agreed to take it as it comes and talk about things as they come up. Before she left I invited her to a party at my house, and she brought up some events that we are both invited to.

 

That was last Saturday, I havent spoken with her since. I did sent out the evite for the party yesterday though. Invited abbout 40 people to the cocktail, including a couple of her girlfriends that I like. She has read the invite, but like most people hasnt responded yet.

 

I dont know what to expect and I;m not hoping for anything more than a pleasant interaction, whihc it should be. I dont really know where she is at but I am sure I will see at the cocktail.

 

Its been a long time since teh split so I believe we have both bee seeing other people....but I am not against reconciling. But right now I think babysteps is best, just trying to work on spending time togetehr, which is why I did not invite the girl I am currently most serious with.

 

Any thoughts or advice on how to handle the whole situation? I thought of calling/emailing her separately with details about the invite, but I just put her on the evite. I have also thought of calling, but I may just let it go and wait to see her come this weekend.

[Beec]

It seems to me like you are handling i pretty well. More importantly, your attitude about it is good. You'd consider re onciling, but you are not working solely tothat end, which emans you are probably fairly aloof.

 

I think if an when you find yourself taking the first concrete steps to be back together, i.e. steps that you would not be taking if friends was the all you were being, you let that step happen, then maybe step back and address what lead to the break up. If that is not "fixed" in some manner, it will resurface.

[Captain34]

i agree with you, thanks for the feedback....i just dont want to get ahead of myself.

 

i wonder now if i should call or not. i guess there is no reason to other than to say hello and to chat with her so i havent. but i do miss our conversations.

 

i went to a party this weekend at a mutual friend's house, a place i avoided for a while until i spoke with my ex. she wasnt there, apparently she was at the library as finals are going on. but her close gf's were there, and i know by now when they all observe me to report back. they even seem to try and catch my conversations with others.

 

things are cool, im doing well. right now its just a period of feeling evrything out, as her and i meeting was a big step. id like for us to be on the best terms possible, whatever that means, but i dont want to push anything. that just doesnt work.

[Captain34]

do any of you think i should touch base with her before this weekend, or is the invite enough?

 

im not trying to push anything, but at the same time I want things to be cool enough where I am not wondering if its best to call. know what i mean?

 

also, I have been dating others and I assume my ex has been as well. thats a bit tough to swallow, but its understandable on both sides. i am not trying to be concerned with who she may be seeing, if anyone, but I do find myself wondering. is it wrong to want to hear it from her if she is into something serious rather than hear it through the grapevine? or worse, have her bring someone to my cocktail party?!

 

she and I met and had a good visit which was a big step and i am glad for that. I want to keep things moving, but at the same time dont want to go overboard, as I know things take time. so should i get in touch with her or was the invitation enough? think she is waiting for me to call? this is what i need some feedback about.

[Captain34]

i asked her to coffee, which turned to dinner because i wanted to open communication and get a feeling for where things stood. but honestly i still am not quite sure.

 

what to do?

[Beec]

Leave it alone, let her respond to the evite, give her time to do so.

 

If she does not come, that does not mean you cannot go get her thereafter. Do not seem like you are in a hurry. Take your time, be aloof.

[silentalways]

if my ex remember correctly, i used to repeat the same thing over and over again.

 

like ask her out for dinner and she would say 'let me check and see if i have my girls booze night that night and i'll get back to ya"

 

and i'd phone 15 minutes later - so what's the call?

 

silly eh?

 

one thing i have learned from her [she really beat the crap out of me to make sure it was in the noodle nice and tight] lol [i let her do that because she promised if she hurt me too much and sent me to the hospital that she would consider doing the deed!

 

and i said - consider? no way - i'll make u a FIRM offer right now

 

omg - gross [i never make these sex jokes - sorry]

 

anyhooo - the one thing about being honest is that when u just keep being honest a funny thing happens - when something happens where before u might have tainted the truth [the lie pause]

 

now u don't - i've learned that honesty comes natural once the brain is reprogramed and its actually lying that makes u [pause]

 

so speaking of honesty - i just wanted to mention this, a concern of mine, and i would like yer opinion - one of the ways i have relearned to not repeat past mistakes is this when a mistake happens break it down how, what, where, because they usuallyh have patterns and triggers

 

postiing and computers i really need a break from - it feels like 132 year behind a computer and that was the actual enabler for my little blow out - no computer now at home - m and d have it

 

and when u are reintroducing each other to each other again - its important to show each other changes and respect right away and u 'show' them in ways that works for them

 

for example - i decided to take the ex to the sens / leafs game and toronto got pounded 8 to 1 and neither of us got p[issed off - lol