Weird problem I have

[chris_nos_2007]

Ok so me and my g/f are going pretty good. However lately I have been really insecure about things and she says I over analyze everything. For example: Whenever she will not call I will take this for her not being interested anymore. However that is not what I am writing about but may be what is causing it.

I get really sad whenever I am at home and I kno my g/f can hang out and do stuff on like a weekend and stuff but she will not call to say lets hang out. It really bothers me because I always feel as if she doesnt want to be with me. Like this is going for today. She can hang out and mentioned yesterday we can hang out but I already kno she will not ask me to today. But if I called and asked she would say yes. What do I need to do?

[robowarrior]

Get a grip on yourself, a relationship is all about being together but still letting eachother being able to do their own things. So don't become a victim of the paranoid, imagine me clinging to your legs, kissing your feet and screaming PLEASE DONT GO!, wouldn't you think i was amazingly desperate,let alone clingy? So basically don't be a chainball around het legs, remember life is like sand, you can only hold it for a short time in your hand , or in other words you can love her, but you can't hold her prisoner. Give her some space to breathe.

[chris_nos_2007]

but I mean if somebody loves u that much and everything wouldnt u expect them to call u more than just at the end of the day and want to be together if we havent been able to han gout all week?

[lydia87]

i can understand where you're coming from, i think you should tell her this. how you feel, and how you'd like to see her more, and talk more. i hope it goes well x

[A James Z]

I know how you feel buddy. Same thing happened to me this weekend, and I even posted about it on this forum. I kind of think I know whats going on though. Sometimes people get freaked out easily, especially girls who have been in really bad relationships. Being afraid of getting hurt is a hard thing to deal with, especially from a girls point of view, as they are so emotional to begin with. I am a pretty emotional person too, and have gotten really hurt in the past. But love feels so good when I find it again I want to hold on and never let go. I think guys can more easily forget about their past hurt than girls.

 

Up until this weekend my girl and I were spending the entire weekend together, have tons of sex, making meals together, and just having a lot of fun. But this weekend was different, and I didn’t see her for 4 days. When she came over tonight she got here late and then left to go sleep at her place. Plus, she never wants to say at my house, I always have to go over there. It doesn’t seem fair, and it kind of pisses me off. But I am trying to realize all the little concessions you need to make when in a relationship.

 

I read a post from a girl on this forum that said when she meets a nice guy who shows a lot of interest she suddenly loses interest. But she is always attracted to guys that are not interested in her to begin with. What a paradox. Maybe our girls aren’t suffering from it as bad as she is, but it could be that we are too clingy and they are just looking for some space. Girls like to be pursued. When its gets too easy they start to lose interest, perhaps even in the aim of reclaiming that interest.

 

But like you, my girl didn’t call me on Saturday night, not even to say hello. So I start thinking the worst, maybe she found another guy, maybe she isn’t attracted to me any more. I start to get worried and feel sick. I kind of got upset about it and went out Sat, got really drunk, and start talking with a few girls, sort of to get back at her incase she was doing it to me. Not good! I love my girl and would never cheat on her, but I want her all the time and I need to learn when to back off.

 

Remember at the beginning of the relationship when things were not so intense? You guys probably talked 3-4 times a week, and when you got a call that really meant something. Now we talk 3-4 times a day, and the conversations start to lull. Try to get yourself in the mindset of when you first started dating. Maybe you should play hard to get. If she is expecting you to call her everyday, don’t call and she what she does.

 

I had a good friend, that’s a girl, tell me that when a guy says he is going to call, but then doesn’t, it drives her crazy and she cant stop thinking about him. Games aren’t good to play, but if that’s what you need to create a spark, see what happens. Tell her you would “maybe” like to come over or go for a drink, but then don’t call her back about it. Or stop calling her for a day or two and don’t pick up your phone when she calls. See what her response is and just be like, “oh yeah, sorry I forgot to call you back, I was really busy.”

 

Now that I think of it, last month we had the “relationship talk,” but a few days after she told me she was feeling a little smothered and wanted to take a "step back." Wow, that was a huge blow because I felt the relationship was going so smoothly, but apparently a little too smoothly for her. At that point we start talking about past relationships, and how she “puts up walls and doesn’t let guys get so close.” Well, I stifled my feelings and made it a point to call her less. The next day we had no contact. The day after that she was calling me to come over. For the next 4 days we spent every night together and we got even more serious. She told me she wasn’t scared any more and that she was sure about us.

 

So, I think girls just have this internal fear, which might be irrational, but its there non the less and its probably going to surface from time to time no matter what you do. Not calling may do wonders for you, see what happens. I am going to take my own advice and back off. Hopefully she is going to start wondering what happened to the easy life and come a callin’.

[karenin]

Good advice, but if my bf called me all the time it would scare me away. Perhaps your gf does really value her independence (no offence but from your posts you come accross as insecure) or maybe she's too shy to ask you out. Ask her - only she has the answer

[candy604]

hha i thought the guy was to call usually. My bf always calls me out to do things. Maybe she's the old fashioned girl ( where the boy has to make the plans). I know a few girls that are old-fashioned

 

don't worry about it!!

[karenin]

really? if i waited around for my bf to call he never would....nah thats a joke, we're in an ldr so i guess its a lil different. but she cant leave the oweness on him all the time. he will and is feeling rejected as he feels like he's doing all the work...as i understand the post. either that or he wants to see her more than she does him - and if that's the case, i think you both have some talking to do