Seven months later it hits.....

[tortola]

Let me begin by saying hello. About seven months ago, my fiancée left me for another guy. There has been no contact since. Anyways, I had been pretty good for the past few months, but lately it’s all crashing down. We had been living together and pretty much all her stuff is gone now, except for a few things I haven’t thrown away. For example, some stuffed animal bears I had bought her. Normally, this doesn’t happen, but when I see those bears, I just break down. I remember back to high school when it was so hard to come up with the money to buy those bears for her. And it hurts so much thinking about that. Things that we used to do together – hobbies of mine – I gave up on them. It hurts too much to do them anymore. Lately I don’t sleep at all. I don’t sleep because I’m scared to sleep. I don’t like dreaming about her. I don’t like waking up from a fake world where things are peachy. I feel like a drug addict, one who is high on meth and never sleeps. The only times I do sleep is when I end up passing out after being up for a few days.

 

Any advice? Sorry that this was more of a ramble, I get loopy after 36 hours of being up.

And yes, I see a shrink.

[bitbit]

it just takes time. you've developed a delayed coping method for some reason. not is when you've allowed yourself to be sad. well, part of a break up is the sadness. just live your life, and you'll start to feel better little by little. take time to do things you weren't able to do with her. whatever you're into... art museums, sporting events, trips, hiking, biking... whatever. you need to become a complete person again. stop being scared to be hurt. it sucks, but if you're not feeling... you're dead.

[Ellie2006]

Hi T,

I am so sorry you're hurting right now

But T, just because she was not kind to you, this does *NOT* mean you have to be unkind to yourself too! Easier said than done, I know, but please please please make sure you take care of yourself by getting some rest, eating well, exercising, and meeting off-line friends and family, who can be a great support system during your healing process. I am glad you're already talking to someone about this but please know that we're here for you too!

 

Hang in there!

 

Sending best wishes your way ...

E 1:

[deejay74]

wow, i can imagine the pain you must be feeling, i am so sorry to hear what you're going through. i have been in your situation too so i can relate to not being interested in the things you once were anymore and the trouble sleeping. please take care of this as it seems like you're sliding into a state of depression if you're not there already. the dreams can be very scary because they seem so real and then you wake up realizing it was just a dream. so again, i feel your pain.

 

one thing i want to suggest that may help you sleep is to exercise or work out. you will be giving your body and mind a challenge and hopefully you will be tired enough to sleep. not only that, working out can elevate your mood by making your body produce more endorphins which can really help you. please consider it and or try it.

 

keep seeing the shrink, that's a definitely a PLUS! also, try anything to get your mind off of your ex. do you have friends you could spend time with? i found that helped me a lot.

 

hope this helps.

[Ellie2006]

Hey T,

Hope you're having a better day today ...

DJ74 gave you great advice: I think exercise is a great way to get out of the house, keep our minds occupied (and off our exes), and getting better sleep at night.

 

Re-reading your post, I hope you can re-claim your hobby one day: I did this too ... just gave up on doing certain things that I used to in the past bc it served as a painful reminder ... but I think they're also a good and positive way to make new memories as well ... maybe not now but perhaps at a later point, you could take up your hobby again?

 

Take care and hope you have a great weekend.

 

And sorry I forgot to say this before but: WELCOME to ENA!