Update - Feeling so lost now!

[cordelia]

Hey and thanks for reading this. I just posted here a few days ago.. My bf of one year and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I did it because I felt like I had no other choice. I wanted us to spend more time together (an on-going problem with us) and there were a bunch of parties coming up that I wanted him to come with me of course. He said that I was expecting too much from him and that he couldn't make it because of a new promotion at work..training and overtime etc. He started acting really distant and I was getting so stressed about it that I broke up with him cause I couldn't stand the anxiety anymore.

We've been emailing back and forth since then and just going over things that went wrong. But now I haven't heard back from him in 3 days and I'm really freaking out here!

He has said before that he is scared of getting close and to be honest he has given me a lot of mixed signals along the way since we've been together.

He said he loved me, he was disappointed that he hadnt met my family yet. But yet I feel like I've made every effort to include him in my life by inviting him everywhere and seems like he has said no to pretty much everything!

This hurts so much now and I feel so lost..like he's giving up on us now and isn't even trying to work it out with me. I told him this is not how I wanted things to end up with us...but all he can say to me now is that he confused and doesn't know what he wants! What does that mean ?

I feel like maybe I shoudl just move on, but I keep thinking that he might come back.

What do I do now ? Just sit back and wait and see if he contacts me ? I'm so confused and I can't stand not talking to him.

[HappyKat]

My 2 cents: (Sorry if this sounds harsh....)

 

When a guy says he doesn't know what he wants, it usually means: He doesn't want what he has. Another red flag would be--those mixed signals. He's apparently wavering between wanting you & not wanting you. (Do you really want an "iffy" guy?) Also, if he seems to be avoiding being "in" your life--it's another red flag.

 

Ambivalence is a relationship killer...I got out of a deal like this a few months ago...it didn't get better. The confusion got worse & worse--and when I asked questions, he wouldn't give any clear answers.

 

Don't stick around until your self-esteem is all shot to H..., ok?

 

Sorry this has happened to you, and sorry you're hurting, but all I can advise you to do is: Get out before you get hurt worse.

[cordelia]

Yeah I was thinking the same thing...there were definitely red flags and towards the end he was acting distant. But then in our more recent emails he brought up that he was bothered that he had never met my family.

 

But just a couple of weeks before things went bad, he was telling me that he loved me and spending xmas together and going on vacation with his family (these were all his ideas)

 

I just don't understand why he would be willing to just throw everythign away without even trying to work it out. We didn't communicate well and he recently admitted that this was mostly his fault.

I just don't really get why he would bother bringing these things up if he seriously just doesn't care anymore.

[HappyKat]

I don't know your relationship's details, but my hunch is that he simply doesn't have the guts to do the breaking-up...sometimes they just force YOU to do it...ambivalence again, indecisive, wishy-washy...they truly DON'T know what they want.

 

Wouldn't you rather be with a stand-up kind of guy--one who is certain that he wants YOU?

[Massari]

WOW all I can say is that I wish my gf was a little like you "cordelia" I just broke up with my gf just now .. simply because I was you and she was him. SHe didn't invite me anywhere.. I wasn't a part of her life.