Tribute and Expression

[Geno101]

...Early this morning, December 6th, i heard a song on tv, with sort of a sad soudning tune. ..Song by Jay Z, called Lost one, where he raps about his nephew who died in a car accident some time ago, a year i believe. and the car he died in was the car HE bought for him (true story), but anyway.... This stuck in my head all day, so i walked around humming it. LATER this day, i found out that a friend from school died in a car accident yesterday. Timesha Swift (facebook - dont know the link, i cant bare to see her face). But this song isnt the important thing.

 

This post is simply to make a tribute to her, and express this bit of sorrow i have. I didnt KNOW her personally although we had several conversations. On a daily basis. She was just a pass-by friend. And she was such a cool, nice person. It seemed so unlikely to hear that someone like HER would be dead this soon after highschool. I just walked accross the Stage with her In June. And this is what really caught me: Her birthday is today. My other friend said he went to facebook and it said "Today's Birthdays: Timesha Swift". December 6th. (another weird coincidence is that Jay-Z's birthday was 2 days ago, on the 4th)Thats so Screwed up. I'm not into the face book thing, so i chose the one community i am a part of to pay tribute to her, and express this saddness i'm feeling. Its a very... "unnattractive" feeling.....

 

And This has me literally scared about the future. another one of my CLOSE friends got news that she may only have 6 months left on this earth. And i thought, if i was this sad about a girl i barely knew, i'm gonna go through hell on earth if that doctor was at all right. I'm SO afraid. I am so attatched to this friend. I've never had a friend like her. No one has ever been this close to me. How close we are tops my parents and even people i've known my entire life. It makes me cry thinking about it. I spent maybe an hour crying on the phone with her, twice before, when she told me. The first time she told me she didnt specify a timeline. the next time she actual confessed the actual estimation of time.

 

Six months is not enough for me to give her the life she always needed, wanted, and deserved in a sense. 6 months is not enough time for me to show her how much i have always loved her. I've told her i loved her before, but, those were words, and i believe the saying "actions are louder than words" very much. That is not enough time for me to break this trend of people mistreating her in her life and for me to begin treating her like the Queen of the world. And this kills me. 6 months is not enough time for her to really get the chance to be taken care of like never before. I had plans to get her in the position where she would never have to involuntarily lift another finger again. I wanted to shower her with love, gifts, and whatever else it was that she desired at any given moment. 6 months isn't enough....

 

I'm afraid of what i'm gonna have to go through. What songs will remind me of her when or IF she's gone, what places i'll ride past that me and her have frequented, and things we've joked about on tv, and movies we've watched together. Our spots around town, her smell, the various pictures i have of her, and various memories. Hand written notes. Chat history on the computer. Her phone numbers. The college her and i both are going to. The car that my mother drives that we've spent a lot of time in together. I am so afraid. I'm nearing tears now thinking about not having her in my life everyday, as she is now. There is not a moment the goes by where i dont think about her, or that i'm not interacting with her in some kind of way.

 

... *Sigh*.... well... this post definitely turned into something i didnt mean to turn it into. but, i have vented my emotions. Questions and comments are welcomed....better yet, they're encouraged.

[jzwhat21]

you will be ok... my best friend/roommate was murdered in my living room on november 19th and it is very hard but you will get through. Be with your friend as much as possible and enjoy the time she has left here because you never know what is going to happen even within the next five minutes. Stay strong and keep your head up its all you can do.

[Geno101]

wow. NO ONE had anything to say? bump i guess...