My sad story........ need help!!! Please???

[jawinkl]

Hello all,

 

I have been reading posts here for about a month now and have found them all very helpful....

Been throuh the whole NC thing, thought I was stronger but obviously I am not!!!

 

I had been in a relationship for 1 1/2 years, to have it all end last month. It was blissful at the time...... but looking back I know that my neediness caused it to end.

 

Was involved with a man who I thought was my "be all" & "end all".......

 

We did have our rough times...... he has 2 wonderful kids (that I miss so much) Also his work took him away a lot.. It was tough trying to make time for me.......... I in turn started doing the whole upset & crying thing.........

 

Was doing NC (as best as I could!) after the breakup speech, but last night, I lost it..........Was at a pub having a great time with one of my friends, then he turns up!!! Alcohol..... not a good thing!!!!!!

 

He said hello, then went about like I didn't exist!!! Tried calling him when I got home..... He didn't answer, but got a text this morning saying he was sorry that he didnt answer or reply to my text, and didnt want to talk to me as I'd had been drinking.......!!

 

Have texted him to say, that I needed to talk to him as I felt there was so much unfinished business between us......

I'm rambling....... but am so hurt and depressed at the moment!!!!

[Aurian]

I am not really sure what you are asking for help with? Why did he ignore you? Should you try it again?

 

Well, it really is hard to run into an ex, especially when the feelings are still a bit raw. (Heck, I had a little breakdown awhile back just seeing my ex's email address in some email chain!) Hang in there!

[Fisch]

I am so sorry for your pain. Attraction is like a string to a cat. The more you throw it in their face the less interested they become, but once you put it out of sight they chase. Anyway, you are throwing the string in his face, and more than likely what you have to say in this context will not get him back. More often than not chasing them down will drive them away, and if not it will usually be out of guilt. This is the philosophy of No Contact. Once you can let go of that, things will get better. Once you can heal through the emotional hardship of this breakup Jawinkl, you will not care about unfinished bussiness. I hope you can work through the emotional harships so that you can be happy for good.

[jawinkl]

Hi Aurian & Fisch,

 

I think what I need help most with is some direction........ Of which I seem to have none of lately.

 

My thoughts are just filled with him.......

 

I struggle from day to day, doing the 'what ifs'.....

 

My heart is so broken....... Yes, have been reading the posts here, they have helped on my "strong" days........ But I then blow it on a weak day....

 

He has said that we will meet up to talk, before he leaves to go away on the 17th.......again (will need advice on this, please?)

 

I suppose it's even harder due to the "festive" season...

 

Wish I could shake this miserable feeling..........

 

Some days, I have been almost suicidal & frighten myself....

 

When we were together, we were like two peas in a pod......Friends used to envy us... I miss that....

 

Just a month before he went away and came back with the "braekup" speech......... we were getting along so well, spending time with the kids and all..... a wonderful 4 days........ then on of the kids started acting up....... I had to add my 2 cents worth in , in a caring way.......First time I'd done this... Mistake!!!!!!!

 

We met during our individual separations periods pending divorce....

 

I dont know what to think...... He seems to have turned overnight from a wonderful person, that I thought I knew to a man I dont recognise anymore.... Yes had the whole "you are too good for me & deserve someone who will love and adore you" then ........ the " this sounds corny, but I'd like for us to remain friends".......

 

He has at moment so much on his plate..... his work, which takes him away a lot, then coming back to work here & spend as much time with his kids as possible........then the issues of his divorce........

 

I have commited all the classic mistakes....needy, clingy...begging....... yet haven't yet shed a tear.... I know I'm denial & want him back so badly....... If only I could turn back time........If only.......

[jawinkl]

Incidentally..... we are not exactly........star struck teenage lovers......I am 44 & he is 40!!!!! Which makes feel even more sick to the stomach thinking at this age......I should know better.......

[jawinkl]

MichaelL,

 

You are right........ I have changed from the woman he was attracted to.... I became clingy and needy!!!!! Him being away for so much, didn't help..... I hurt & missed him so much.....

 

This in turn made him feel that he was tired of causing me so much hurt, but really I know that it was me that allowed myself to be hurt......... Hindsight is wonderful!!!! I do so much want him back...........

[silentalways]

wow...it's seniors night tonight! the age thang was the same with my ex [actually i think the gap was too large now and will only date someone much closer to my age for now on].

 

but to clarify something, months ago when i was on here i held onto some coo-coo bananas notion of getting back with my ex! and the silence and her over the top angry reactions to me, hurt me so much that, i needed serious treatment but in doing so, i lost any feelings towards this woman and it is a strange thing because its not just someone saying that to be mean or harsh or vindictive, its sort of a sobering reality of which after a nice stay in hospital land i undertook a massive examination of the relationship in its entirity and in the process discovered where the truth really does lie within me. and, i am not happy to feel this way about her, and i have never felt this way about anyone in my whole life so it is a new experience for me and i am learning to deal and understand it.

 

the main point here is - the things i need, want, and must do in my life now totally mirror what she has told me she wants from me - zero, nothing, nada - so for once in many months, we are finally on the same page.

 

sounds weird actually saying that knowing there is no emotion attached to it - anyhoooooooooooooo...sorry folks

[sandyv]

Hey Jawinkl: Sounds very familiar to what I've been through, I still feel the pain, just know time helps, easy to say, hard to deal with though.... I miss my ex Jack so much, its almost a physical pain...... nothing helps.....

 

and I guess I can join the senior club here, im 43....

[silentalways]

if i told u what happened to me during those three days and nights you would think i was making it up but i actually went through something so tramatic and life altering, something that i would never wish upon anyone and if u had seen me in the hospital and felt was i felt - and i don't say this in some 'gee what a surviour!' kinda way, i would think that every single person that aided in that episode would have second thoughts about their actions. what i do know is that i am now fear absolutely nothing and coming back from this, doing so alone, while others continue to take shots, is incredibly empowering.