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jawinkl

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Everything posted by jawinkl

  1. jawinkl
    great thread ......... BUMP!!
  2. jawinkl
    great post.....BUMP!!
  3. jawinkl
    Eventualy my heart will follow my head.... i suppose.........will have to keep coming back here for support........in weak moments........ How long ago did all this happen for you, Blender??? Don't mean to be nosy, but what happened with your breakup??
  4. jawinkl
    But how do I convince my heart to follow my head??????? I can understand it if I were a teenager......but not so!!!!! I'm 44 and he's 40!!!!!!
  5. jawinkl
    Blender.......... I know everything you are saying is right....... and I know I am still in denial.....I do need help with getting through this.......... How did you become so wise??????
  6. jawinkl
    Hi Blender, Thank you so much for taking the time to reply....... I am still doing the "what if's???" I really do miss him so much....... There were points in the relationship when my insecurities did overwhelm me....and looking back the night's out and alcohol never did help....... Even now.......I know it's wrong and I am slowly killing myself for it....but everything just so depressive at the moment... Yes, I have made improvements to the way I look......Have tried getting out more and socialising with friend's, but I think they got tired of consoling me. Initially in the break up, he kept apologising for his changing feelings....and said he knew that it sounded corny....... but he wanted for us to remain friend's!!! I was cool about it when he said so. But when we caught up the next night (I'd volunteered to take him to the airport) I told him that I understood that feelings change, but that we could not be friends, not yet at least......... the devastated look on his face, was one that I'd never seen on him before!! Took me by surprise!! I again felt sorry and gave in, like I hadn't even made that statement.....wrong move, i know!! I hurt so much....... and in the opinion of friend's they too saw how needy and clingy I was getting......crying for silly reasons, and making jealous false accusations..hence the new GF!! I do want him back..... Helpppppp
  7. jawinkl
    the pain......... It has on days become so unbearable..... I've been going through the "what if's" what I could have done to have fixed it...... But in the 1 1/2 years I have come to know him & his quirks so well.........and he knows this....... I am friends with the ex wife too.... this was for the kids.. She doesn't know yet bout the new GF......... and she's not going to be happy. You're right blender, he has alot of issues, and for some reason very non-commital......he claims it goes back to his childhood and when he witnessed his mum die of cancer........He feels that he is not capable of loving....Yet when we were together, he was the most affectionate person I'd ever been with.........I over cared........ I became clingy and needy......My life evolved around him..... What really pains me is that he is with this woman, who used to text and ask about me........ I really despise her so.......so sly.... I'd gotten christmas presents for him & his kids earlier (before the breakup)......want to give it to them.....but don't know what to do?????
  8. jawinkl
    Tried the NC thing........ gave in so many times. He broke up with me about 2 months ago...... his reasons being that he couldn't go on hurting me. We'd been together 1 1/2 years. His work and kids take up a big portion of his time......... Travels a lot too due to work. I had started getting clingy and insecure. My insecurities got the better of me........ There was this one woman that I know who had been after him for a while now, he said they were only just friends, (he doesn't have many friends were his work takes him) but judging from the odd hours of texts that he receives from her, my instincts told me not so!!!! When I'd asked what she'd texted about, it'd be a about some guy she'd broken up with....... He told me yesterday that he'd been seeing someone... and didn't deny it when I said I thought it was her!!!!!!! I feel really lost....... Can't believe that I drove him into the arms of another..... But inside me......I don't think this new relationship of his will last, he's got the kids...... he's got the ex wife .......... & he's got me as ex GF now turned friend to deal with........ Told him I wanted to catch up last nite...........this was 2 days ago........ he texted,last nite, but I told him I had made prior plans.... NC all over again..... But it is so hard................ and very painful.......
  9. jawinkl
    MichaelL, You are right........ I have changed from the woman he was attracted to.... I became clingy and needy!!!!! Him being away for so much, didn't help..... I hurt & missed him so much..... This in turn made him feel that he was tired of causing me so much hurt, but really I know that it was me that allowed myself to be hurt......... Hindsight is wonderful!!!! I do so much want him back...........
  10. jawinkl
    Incidentally..... we are not exactly........star struck teenage lovers......I am 44 & he is 40!!!!! Which makes feel even more sick to the stomach thinking at this age......I should know better.......
  11. jawinkl
    Hi Aurian & Fisch, I think what I need help most with is some direction........ Of which I seem to have none of lately. My thoughts are just filled with him....... I struggle from day to day, doing the 'what ifs'..... My heart is so broken....... Yes, have been reading the posts here, they have helped on my "strong" days........ But I then blow it on a weak day.... He has said that we will meet up to talk, before he leaves to go away on the 17th.......again (will need advice on this, please?) I suppose it's even harder due to the "festive" season... Wish I could shake this miserable feeling.......... Some days, I have been almost suicidal & frighten myself.... When we were together, we were like two peas in a pod......Friends used to envy us... I miss that.... Just a month before he went away and came back with the "braekup" speech......... we were getting along so well, spending time with the kids and all..... a wonderful 4 days........ then on of the kids started acting up....... I had to add my 2 cents worth in , in a caring way.......First time I'd done this... Mistake!!!!!!! We met during our individual separations periods pending divorce.... I dont know what to think...... He seems to have turned overnight from a wonderful person, that I thought I knew to a man I dont recognise anymore.... Yes had the whole "you are too good for me & deserve someone who will love and adore you" then ........ the " this sounds corny, but I'd like for us to remain friends"....... He has at moment so much on his plate..... his work, which takes him away a lot, then coming back to work here & spend as much time with his kids as possible........then the issues of his divorce........ I have commited all the classic mistakes....needy, clingy...begging....... yet haven't yet shed a tear.... I know I'm denial & want him back so badly....... If only I could turn back time........If only.......
  12. jawinkl
    Hello all, I have been reading posts here for about a month now and have found them all very helpful.... Been throuh the whole NC thing, thought I was stronger but obviously I am not!!! I had been in a relationship for 1 1/2 years, to have it all end last month. It was blissful at the time...... but looking back I know that my neediness caused it to end. Was involved with a man who I thought was my "be all" & "end all"....... We did have our rough times...... he has 2 wonderful kids (that I miss so much) Also his work took him away a lot.. It was tough trying to make time for me.......... I in turn started doing the whole upset & crying thing......... Was doing NC (as best as I could!) after the breakup speech, but last night, I lost it..........Was at a pub having a great time with one of my friends, then he turns up!!! Alcohol..... not a good thing!!!!!! He said hello, then went about like I didn't exist!!! Tried calling him when I got home..... He didn't answer, but got a text this morning saying he was sorry that he didnt answer or reply to my text, and didnt want to talk to me as I'd had been drinking.......!! Have texted him to say, that I needed to talk to him as I felt there was so much unfinished business between us...... I'm rambling....... but am so hurt and depressed at the moment!!!!
  13. jawinkl
    Tks Aschleigh..... It is tough........ Just that with all the different posts, mostly from th eguys, I can't help but thunk that , there might be a different approach to try from a female's perspective?
  14. jawinkl
    Hi All, I am at the moment struggling through a breakup!!!!!!! I've spent days reading almost all the posts, which have been very inciteful and helpful to me. Went through NC for about a week, but gave in yesterday!!! (I'm totally regretting it & am now back to square 1 !!!!) Most of the posts here seem to be from the guys, & with the whole "Mars & Venus" thing, I was wondering, if, as the female dumpee, that maybe a different approach may be required??? Any thoughts??? Thanks
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