bigheart09 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 If you read my other posts, you can see that I have been having problems with my bf for the past 6 weeks. Recently, we worked things out, and are together. Ironically, I am not has happy as I thought I would be. I wanted to get back together with him, so why am I not as happy? I have been on an emotional rollercoaster, and I am scared that this might happen again. Any thoughts? Thanks. Link to comment
Roasted Carrots Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I haven't been keeping up with your other posts, so I aploligize if the issue I address is redundant. Is it possible that you put your ex and a pedistal after you two broke up? What I mean is, did you idealize the relationship and liken your ex to "the perfect boyfriend"? If you idealized the relationship, that surely you would be disapointed when you get back together and things are not as perfect as they seemed in the past. I wouldn't make any brash decisions right now. Maybe there is something else that is causing you to be unhappy in the relationship, maybe some sort of unresolved issue that is still digging at your skin. Sorry that I could not be of more help. Best of luck. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 I am not as secure in the relationship as I was before all the drama happened. Now everytime he does something abnormal, I read too much into it. I feel on edge thinking that something bad is going to happen again. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 For example, I am used to my bf calling me honey and sweetie and other cute nicknames. Now, if we email and/or have conversations, and he doesnt use any nicknames, I get all freaked out and think something is wrong. I hate feeling this way, analyzing every little thing that he says and does. Link to comment
mikeca Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 maybe he doesnt wanna rush back into that stage of the relationship? take things slow and guard your heart Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 maybe he doesnt wanna rush back into that stage of the relationship? take things slow and guard your heart Well, that was my initial plan, to take things slow, but I just want things to go back to how they used to be. Link to comment
caro33 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 I think what you are feeling sounds completely normal, but as such, not sure there's much you can do about it except try and be kind to yourself, and be true to your commitment to making things work. Sometimes that just means sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting "LA LA LA LA" when the paranoid internal voices start up. You had a shock, only time will start to rebuild your faith that the rug won't be pulled out with no notice. No help at all, sorry. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 You had a shock, only time will start to rebuild your faith that the rug won't be pulled out with no notice. That is exactly how I feel! Link to comment
caro33 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 You had a shock, only time will start to rebuild your faith that the rug won't be pulled out with no notice. That is exactly how I feel! Yeah, and unless someone has a magic cure I'm not aware of, this is to be expected. It's your clever self preservation instincts kicking in! I think it's wise to listen to them sometimes, but when it gets destructive just try and put them in their place. Hopefully as each day passes and everything is okay you will settle back into a comfort zone and be less anxious. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 caro33, thanks for the great advice. I can feel myself getting really anxious at times, and I am like, dont do that!! I need to take deep breaths when this happens. Link to comment
caro33 Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 caro33, thanks for the great advice. I can feel myself getting really anxious at times, and I am like, dont do that!! I need to take deep breaths when this happens. Yes, and maybe have some plans in place for how you distract yourself, like exercise, call friends, read, watch your favourite comedy on DVD. I've seen a few people here strongly recommend hot showers for relieving this kind of anxiety. Whatever works for you! It really will get better with time, it's just one of those annoying things you need to get through slowly. Link to comment
freedom Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Some facts: it will never be the same.. it will never go back to the way it was.. Reason, For what ever reason you guys ended the relationship before, i assume that both of you discussed it and decided to fix the problem that ended the relationship in the first place. If so, your relationship would never be the same as changes has been made. If not, you know the problem will arrise again and again and that is why you are getting anxiety. Which then make the relationships dynamic change. Irrigardless your relationship has changed, I hope it is for the better and not the worst. Accept it. If you keep holding on to the old expectations you will only cause yourself and the relationship stress. Change your expectations in the relationship, because it needs changing. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 Freedom, I never thought of it in that way. It does shed a light on how I have been acting lately. My bf keeps saying that I am not excited and that I am boring to be around. I think he senses my anxiety and sees I am not my normal self. I feel myself being "boring" a lot too. I am just scared to act like my normal self around him lately. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 8, 2006 Author Share Posted December 8, 2006 Well, not that things were complicated enough, my bf's mom died yesterday. In 24 hours, things have changed drastically. I dont think our relationship is going to survive this. Link to comment
freedom Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Cruise .. wait and see... Your action and your choices. THis is his time now. I dont recommend pressuring him now. Watch and give him what he needs as a friend is my advice. Put the relationship aside. Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted December 11, 2006 Author Share Posted December 11, 2006 Cruise .. wait and see... Your action and your choices. THis is his time now. I dont recommend pressuring him now. Watch and give him what he needs as a friend is my advice. Put the relationship aside. Freedom, on Friday I had to start a new thread because we did break up. Link to comment
freedom Posted December 11, 2006 Share Posted December 11, 2006 Sorry to hear that... Link to comment
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