deep thoughts

[cichlid]

Do you think I should set a deadline for myself? I don't want to just hop out of a long relationship, but I can't help feeling like things aren't right. Like the relationship isn't working out chemistry-wise.

 

I'm not attracted to my BF physically. I stopped being attracted to him awhile back and while I know it is shallow to judge people based on looks...I don't like kissing him or anything. No snuggling...no kissing...just a hug and maybe a kiss of the cheek. I am sure my BF notices it. He's stopped bugging me about it all. I guess he knows. But I mean if he at least brushed his teeth and had good dental hygeine!

 

Also there is a lot wrong chemistry-wise. I really do find him way to laid back and apathetic for my tastes. Pretty much...he's dull. Often enjoying his TV and video games more than chatting with me. I'm not about to cause any break up any time soon since I am giving myself a deadline. If I still see things as they are in a few months, I know what I have to do. But I can't explain it...something is missing! He's a great guy with good morals and really sweet. But I can't be open with him and I have tried. I'm afraid to be open because he's just a little too judgemental.

 

 

Nothing until after the holidays or being so close to finals. It's sad...he's perfect in his morals and beliefs...and we never fight. But I'm not that happy. I don't want to just leave because all relationships have their faults. But I dunno...

[SexySadie7]

Well. you can say that you don't want to break up before the holidays.. but if he isn't that keen on you either. that could mean he would have a chance to find a girl who did dig him.

It seems almost unfair you are waiting to break up with him. Maybe it's you who doesn't want to be alone for the holidays.

If you aren't feeling him chemistry-wise.. i'm think the best thing is to start letting him know.. you will be ending this soon.

It's really not fair to him you know to be kept in this holding pattern, don't you think?

[melrich]

Is there anyway you are going to make this relationship work? From the sound of your post you know already it is over. If that's so then you are doing the wrong thing by your b/f in keeping it going. That is not fair to him and ultimately to yourself.

 

You shouldn't schedule emotional decisions according to your own calendar.

[cichlid]

Well. you can say that you don't want to break up before the holidays.. but if he isn't that keen on you either. that could mean he would have a chance to find a girl who did dig him.

It seems almost unfair you are waiting to break up with him. Maybe it's you who doesn't want to be alone for the holidays.

If you aren't feeling him chemistry-wise.. i'm think the best thing is to start letting him know.. you will be ending this soon.

It's really not fair to him you know to be kept in this holding pattern, don't you think?

He's going home for the holidays. That means little to no contact over the break. It's not an issue with being alone for the holidays. He won't be around. I mean I'm just going to be with my family all christmas as always.

 

I already started dropping hints that I am not sure about the relationship. But I can sure fake a happy atitude towards it all.

 

melrich, I tried to make it work. I post about my problems only but I mean...I'm at least going to give it a few more months. Which okay isn't fair to him...but breaking it within the next week isn't fair to him either. It would be horrible to do that to someone so close to finals. I also don't want to ruin christmas for him. But...yeah. I can't be open with him! There is no communication that is even worth anything in this relationship. Everytime I try to be open I am immediately shot down. I tell him something and he automatically starts shoving his opinion down my throat instead of listening to me trying to open up. Then he will complain that I "never open up to" him.

 

At what point am I supposed to be like everyone has their quirks and at what other point is it like this is an issue?? I mean I realize there is nothing wrong with him, but yet there is.

[heartlessromantic]

Have you talked to him about his hygiene and his direction of energies (using his time on TV/video games instead of spending quality time with you)?

 

It sounds as if the relationship has serious communication problems. If it is hard to speak openly, then write him a letter or email and specifically highlight the communication problems. Tell him why you can't be open with him. Tell him the other things that are bugging you about the relationship.

 

I totally understand where you are coming from and know what it feels like when that "spark" is gone. It sounds like he takes you for granted or is just content to let things go down the tubes, most likely the former.

 

Do you think he understands how dire the situation is or is he that clueless? Or do you think he takes your resignation as a sign that you're "trying to make things work and not rock the boat?"