Owellmellie Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 This guy who I used to go out with back in the day is friends with my brother present day. I am very interessed in him again and and would like to be with him. BUt I am in the middle of a divorce and he says that once my divorce is final we can give it a shot. We hang out on the weekends together, have a great time cause it is like a mini party were he will sit and talk with me and hang out and hang with my brother at the same time. He smiles at me when he is talking to me, all we do is laugh. We play fight and like the same things. BUt I overheard my bother say on the phone to his girlfriend that this guy I like was complaining to him about his girlfriend, and I am like !?!?!? He never said anything about having a girlfriend, and why is he spending his weekends hanging out with me rather than his girl? I am so confused? Can someone help me out here? Melissa Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Well it depends if he is specifically hanging out with you or if he is hanging out with your brother. There are many possible reasons why he is doing this, and I am sure there will be a lot of assumptions made as to what he is doing and what he should be doing. Link to comment
Owellmellie Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 My brother leaves and hangs with his girlfriend, and we are left alone and he stay till like 4 am...So I am confused. PLus a few weeks before he said we needed to hang out more and now he is coming around more often, ahhhh I don't know Melissa Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 My brother leaves and hangs with his girlfriend, and we are left alone and he stay till like 4 am...So I am confused. PLus a few weeks before he said we needed to hang out more and now he is coming around more often, ahhhh I don't know Melissa Unless his gf is doing some other activity then it would appear that he is neglecting her in order to hang out with you. Link to comment
Owellmellie Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Should I say anything to him or just leave it alone? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I don't think it's fair to pursue a man when you are still a married woman. Separated is "still married." I would say wait until at least a year after your divorce is final before thinking about a relationship with another man. Being upset with him for having a girlfriend is a bit ironic considering that you are still legally married. Why would you want to subject him to your complicated life right now? Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Are you going to be his mother and tell him that he needs to hang out with his gf more? I think not just leave it alone, however I would keep that in mind since this guy wants to "give it a shot". Link to comment
Owellmellie Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 I guess that is true. really true. I just don't want to be lonely and I truly honestly have feelings for him that go way further than a good time on a friday night. For so long I have thought about everyone else in my life and put myself out there and now being alone I feel like I can look out for myself and do what I want. So this truly sucks... Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I don't think it's fair to pursue a man when you are still a married woman. Separated is "still married." I would say wait until at least a year after your divorce is final before thinking about a relationship with another man. Being upset with him for having a girlfriend is a bit ironic considering that you are still legally married. Why would you want to subject him to your complicated life right now? I agree that she should take some time to figure things out but and would not set an arbitrary amount of time. It is a horrible thing to get into a relationship just because you are lonely, have more of a resolve and take some time to get yourself in order before you start a new relationship. Link to comment
Owellmellie Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 So I should just take it easy and be friends for now, till things are settled? I just don't want him to become uninterested and not care for me anymore. Link to comment
hk87 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Maybe confirm that he actually has a g/f? Link to comment
blindfold Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 first of all - true, "separated" still means "married", but it also means that you are free, or on the verge of being free again. so once your divorce is final, you can really get involved with someone without having to worry about any legal issues. second of all, if he has a gf, why is he coming on to you? why is he flirting or hanging out with you so often? not my intention to sound controlling or anything, but shouldn't you spend more time with someone when you love them? anyway, i'd talk straight up to the man in question and ask him what the deal is with this "girlfriend" you've heard about. if he is honest about it, or if you have misheard what your brother has said, it's always the best way to clarify things to other people and to you. hope the confusion goes away soon cheers* Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 I would argue that once she is legally single it takes quite awhile from that point - at least a year - to be emotionally ready for a serious relationship. Link to comment
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