wow-i got her back-so insane-

[byates5637]

Me and my girl dated for about 2.5 years. She broke up with me about 9 months ago because she wasn't sure what she wanted and she had never really been with any guys besides me. I took it very hard. I asked her to get back together a few times and she always firmly said no. She said we would never be together again, she was over me. She loved me but was no longer in love with me. I tried being friends but i thought she sent alot of mixed signals so i ended up doing about 5-6 months of NC. I ignored her calls and attempts to meet up.

 

About 4 months ago she moved 800 miles away for school. I started hearing from my friends that she was calling around asking about me and such. I found out she was stalking my myspace account, checking it frequently. Last month we ended up talking on myspace. She said she was coming home for thanksgiving and really wanted to see me. I agreed, thinking i was going to be heartbroken again, but willing to take the chance.

 

So the week she came home she called me every day. We spent a few days together and she even slept over one night(no sex). I thought she was really into me, but then again she sent mixed signals in the past so i wasn't totally sure. I told her i missed her and still had feelings and i wanted her back. She said she just wanted to be friends blah blah blah. We ended up kissing and she left for her long drive home. She called me several times that night just to talk, and i had a feeling things were starting to change.

 

Over the next several days she called me more and more just to talk. 2 days ago she started calling me cute and hunny and talking about how she cant wait to see me at christmas. It is now at the point where she calls me ALL THE TIME. I mean she calls me to say goodmorning and calls me about once ever hour or two for the ENTIRE day. It is so crazy.

 

All of a sudden it's like a dam broke, and unimaginable amounts of love are flowing through her and pouring onto me. I can't freaking believe this is happening. We are in love again! and it feels better then ever!

 

Now i just need to figure out how i can deal with the 800 miles that separate us. I have never had a LDR before.

[Layword]

Just don't answer her calls as much, don't email back instantly, and watch more T.V.

[byates5637]

yea good advice man, thats what i am trying to do. I never imagined she would want to talk to me more often then i wanted to.

 

She called me twice before 10AM today, and then at 11:30 she sent me a myspace message telling me all these things she is considering getting me for christmas. I didn't reply.

 

Then she sent me a text message at 12:15.

 

I will probly just wait until tonight to talk to her.

 

How often should i be talking to her at this stage in our relationship? I would like to talk to her all the time but i want to keep her interest - hold something back.

[annie24]

from what you told us, sounds like she is very unstable. Tread safely...what matters the most is the future and the present. But the future is more important than the present. The happiness that you will have now no matter how great it is will be nothing compared to the potential sadness in the future if she decides to leave so arbritarily.

 

1) But we are only human so what i would suggest is talk about hte specific problems you guys had and work them out

2) Be in control. Don't call her and talk to her as much as she does to you . Mystery is very powerful and will drive the other person crazy.

3) Make sure you let her feel that you can survive without her and that you have a life besides her. Nobody wants a whiny partner so make sure you do this.

 

I agree. Byates, I know you have been through a lot, and it sounds like both of you have an addiction towards each other (an unhealthy one!)

 

how is the rest of your life going?

[byates5637]

I know i could potentially get hurt, but everything feels so good right now.

 

Why can't you all just be happy for me? Why do you think she is "unstable"? I think she is fine, she just was confused for a while.

 

The rest of my life is going very well. I am transferring into a good school, i have a good job, i workout 3x a week. I have alot of friends. I won 100$ last night Thanks for asking

[heloladies21]

Seen this kind of thing happen hundreds of times and it always ends the same, in you getting your heart broken again. #1 thing to realize, is that if you two haven't come to an outright agreement that you are back in a relationship again, then you two are still single and she will keep searching for someone else. There is no relationship by implication, like "we seem to be acting like a couple again, so we must be a couple." It doesn't work this way.

 

As soon as she wanted back in your life, you were more than willing to let her back in. No explanation necessary. Like, what made her change her mind?

 

I'm sorry my friend, but we don't want to lie to you here. I know it would feel good to believe that this is for real and her intentions are ginuine, but this is simply a mood swing of hers and I can promise you 100% that you will have your heart broken if you handle things this way.

[byates5637]

Well then how should i handle things? I think i am handling everything fine.

 

And she is not searching for anyone else. She is totally into me and only me, i know this 100% I talked to her about the relationship 3 days ago and she said the she just wanted to be totally sure this is what she wants before we get back together. Since then she has started acting like my gf and i feel it is only a matter of time until we are officially together again. I think we should take it slow anyway. It's best to build a strong friendship and make sure we are both still compatible before resuming a relationship, right?

 

I was so happy about how everything was going with us until i came here and posted. I am surprised at how negative everyone is being. I don't know if i will be coming back here much anymore.

[annie24]

well, I think we are just concerned. I remember your previous posts about her, and they were filled with a lot of pain and sadness. have the issues that led to the intial breakup(s?) been resolved? I just don't want to see your old wounds reopened. We aren't being negative, so much as telling you to be cautious. If she broke your heart once before, she can certainly do it again.

[byates5637]

Thanks annie, i know you're just being thoughtful and i'm trying to not take it in the wrong way. I'm glad you remember me.

 

She did hurt me alot in the past, but part of that hurt came from me being emotionally weak, not from some terrible thing she did to me. I have hurt her in the past alot too.

 

During our relationship a broke up with her a couple times because i was not sure if she was what i wanted. She then did the same thing to me a couple times. I think she had trouble trusting me and she wanted to see what independance was like (she also moved from her parents house 800 miles away around the time she broke up with me. She had some soul searching to do).

 

Now we are both older wiser, and more mature. We are both still in love with each other, and neither of us has found a partner that could even begin to compare to each other. I really think we are both going to try and make this work.

 

I know she can break my heart again, but i don't think she will. The only thing i am really worried about is the 800 miles between us right now. We will only see each other on holidays and the summer for the next 2 years.

[The_Hierophant]

Dont listen to them!!!!

Believe me, these are really good signs. Most people on here are waiting for their ex to come back and how do they expect things will look like when they actually do? If this isnt it then I dont know what this is!

Besides, since when do you need to "put it into words" whether you are together or not? That's totally ridiculous, even when I got together with someone I never said "we are together". It just happens, it's because you act like a couple that you are one. You can feel the love between the two of you.

 

Hey guys, if you want your loved one to return you gotta be more positive than that! And the other person may be awkward, or hesitate. It's only human.

 

I think you're very lucky, and I envy you a lot! I would just keep cool and let her come back slowly, as you're doing. As soon as you feel this isnt going the right way just revert back to NC mode and you'll be fine. Good luck!

[annie24]

maybe the distance can be a good thing. you guys can reconnect and talk and try to go slow. I don't doubt that there is a lot of love between you two, but you also need those initial issues to be resolved. that is good that you two both did a lot of growing lately.

 

if you don't mind me asking, how is your health?

[scarew]

I agree with the others. Tread safely. Although we cannot exclude the possibility that she will break your heart again, she may have just needed some time and space to realize what she was missing. If you DO get back together, I think its important to talk about the break up. But not in an attacking matter. It would be most benificial for you to genuinly ask if the time away was good for her. How her life went etc. But don't bother getting too deep into other relationships you both might have had, unless she feels its important to talk about it. That just opens the door for jealousy and ugly.

[byates5637]

thank The_Hierophant You made my day. That's what i was thinking too!

 

annie - yea i think the distance may benefit us too. It will keep things fresh between us. Plus i have an excuse to take vacations to atlanta(where she lives) and i won't even need a hotel room

 

My health is pretty good. I work out 3x a week and eat a good diet. On the downside i can't quit smoking cigs and i sometimes drink too much on the weekend, but i figure i will outgrow this when i'm out of college. Why do you ask?

[annie24]

Oh, I just remember a post from a while ago saying that you were feeling unhealthy and had some unhealthy habits. i just wanted to see how that was going.

 

Hm. I think most people naturally when they leave college do cut down on their drinking. For me, it wasn't RIGHT after college, more like a few years later. Once you shift into the mindset of "adult" more than "college student".

 

If you think that YOU are drinking too much (by your own standards), then maybe that is a sign to cut back. Try to have a soda or water in between each of your drinks when you are out with friends, or drinking at your place.

 

apart from that, very cool, you get to visit her in atlanta!

[Captain34]

hey man, been following your story a bit. glad to hear things are working out favorably.

 

i do have some advice for you though. when the time is right, and i think it will be soon, you should breach some of the issues you both had in the past. by attacking these issues you s how that you are not a pushover for her and that you are committed to making things better. i wouldnt attack her, just be upfront with how you feel about things. take one step at a time, one issue at a time, and see where you go from there.

 

but honestly, heed everyone's advice to address the things that weren't working between you in the past, otherwise its more than likely that they will be reppeated. BUT, be confident!

 

and btw, im trying to quit smoking too. perhaps a new thread on that topic?

[byates5637]

Just a little update for all you jelous people who doubted me....

 

We are now back together officially and she is more in love with me then i can ever remember. She calls me all day long just to tell me she misses me or wished she was with me or whatever cute thing she wants to tell me. The only problem we have is that she wants me to give her more attention then i am able to.

[Mavis VDSande]

I think there are definitely 2 things you need to work on. That is having a LDR with her and also building on a better, stronger rels than what you had in the past.

 

With regards to the first thing, I would take it easy, be there for her and also arrange fun things that the both of you can do when you are together and meet up. This is important so you don't end up watching TV every Saturday night or something. The more fun you both create the stronger your bonds!

 

With your rels, and re-building it, it's obvious you'll sometimes feel like your stepping on eggshells. If you don't want to have the talk with her, it's a good idea to look into how you both were in the past, and think about what you can do to change that. For eg is she hated the fact that you never called to say goodnight b4, maybe just do it more often now. When the time you spend is less frequent because of LDR, you need to show her that you are creating a better rels right now, to encourage her too.

 

Hope that makes sense!

 

With your last post "The only problem we have is that she wants me to give her more attention then I am able to" - is this something that she doubted when you were together b4? If so, I would give her more attention. You don't have to be waiting on the phone 24/7, just let her know now and then that you're thinking of her (like when you see flowers or remember an in-joke or something).

 

If attention was never an issue before, and suddenly she wants more of it now, then I would think carefully as to why she wants it when your LDR and adjusting to everything. As with the other posters thoughts, I think the general feeling is that when someone freely walks out of your life, it's ridiculous for them to expect that they can just whisk back like that.

 

I am now back with my ex, and he wrote sagas and sagas of letters to me in the end (and even when we were dating again) telling me how he loved me and couldn't let go of me, outlining the problems in the past etc. We're really happy now, but I feel like he knows that if he breaks up with me again I'll be happy to leave his life.