Don't know what to do.

[ExhumationOfMe]

I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend is 29. We've been dating for 7 months now and I love him to death. He's my everything. I have just one problem. He sits in front of his computer nearly 24/7. If he's not there, he's role playing with his friends, or in front of the tv with a playstation, xbox, etc. controller in his hands. I've been living with him and his roommates for 5 months now and I can put up with all of it easily, but it gets annoying, very easily. We go to sleep, have our alone time for however long we sleep, wake up and he goes straight for his computer. He always says I can take him away from any game if I want to, and when I try to he says "Let me do this" and sits there for another hour or two or makes a little whiney noise and gets up. Don't get me wrong. He treats me absolutely amazing. That's why I love him. He has an identical twin brother who is exactly the same way. Any time a new game comes out, they're the first on the pre-order lists and the first to spend hundreds of dollars on stupid, pointless, endless games. They yell at their "characters" and get really aggrivated if something doesn't go the way they want it. Time to vent. ITS A COMPUTER! IT CAN'T HEAR YOU! IT DOES WHAT THE LITTLE MOUSE IN YOUR HAND TELLS IT TO DO!... K. Done. Anywho. Their house is full of games, and action figures. Not what you'd expect when you walk into a house full of men in their mid and late 20's.

How do I get my boyfriend to grow up and get away from the games? Especially WoW... God, I hate WoW! No sense in that game. Someone help! I love him! He loves me! I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to leave him! EVER! He's a great person and a wonderful boyfriend, despite the time he spends with his games. He's my everything

Is there something wrong with me? ](*,)

[shikashika]

he sounds like he's obsessed with computers/TV games... you sound like you are obsessed with him and are maybe worried about saying anything about his obsessive TV watching because you are afraid of losing him???

 

I'm up for everyone being into whatever hobbies they like... I guess I'm going to be slightly biaised on that because it would not be my choice AT ALL to play computer games... yuck!!!!!!!!

 

but yes... I think it is unhealthy for guys in their late twenties to be obsessed with action figures and video games. Actually , if you told me your boyfriend was 15, I would have said the same thing!

 

is there anything you could do together that would get you BOTH out of the house that you woudl both enjoy? join a running club? roller blading? take an art class? cookign lessons? whatever tickles your fancy.

 

 

There is nothing wrong with you but in my opionion there is something wrong with spending hundreds of dollars on games and yelling at computer screens... yes there is..

 

Do you have your own hobbies you are equally passionate about? or do you spend your time hanging around HIM waiting for him to finish up his games?

 

Maybe if you had other things to be involved with in YOUr life... then you could spend your time trying to reach THOSE girls, whether it be athletics, fitness, yoga, art class, dance language class... whatever you decide...a dn then you would have more time to concnetrate on YOUR goals than his game-playing..

 

good luck!

[blender]

First off all please know there IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU... You are simply mature enough to be frustrated by a guy who is older than you, yet acts like a child. Believe me if he were dating a woman his age she would never tolerate this behavior. You can NOT change him, this is NOT about YOU, it's about HIM, it his "habit and pattern" and it has more power than anything in his life, trust this, and realize that unless you are willing to be frustrated, sad and lonely for a long time, it's best for you to take some baby steps and get yourself out of that living arrangement, and on your own, and give yourself an opportunity to meet someone who has ambition, integrity, maturity, to live a strong, kind, loving, responsible life. And if you do have the courage to leave, he just might have the chance to "discover" what he lost due to his "addiction"....

[blender]

P.S.

 

Most men by the age of thirty are pursuing careers, getting more responsible, putting down payments on a first condo or house, getting engaged, traveling...

 

May I ask: What is it that you admire about him?

[Jayar]

Gaming at this level is a symptom of a MUCH bigger problem. Typically chronicly addicted gamers have issues with social interaction and evaluation of reality. It's an addiction like drugs or alcohol or sex.

 

This doesn't get better, it gets worse. You won't change him. This is the exact reason that if I am dating a guy and "gaming" makes his list of interests at all I'm done with him. I don't care if a guy I'm dating games, but it should be SO low on his list of priorities that he doesn't even think of mentioning it as a hobby, you know?

 

Anyway, best of luck, but I'd say that you're not getting all you deserve out of this relationship.

[Iggy5129]

Oh man, I can not even BEGIN to tell you how annoyed I am at my boyfriend for playing WoW!!! I am so glad that I see someone else feeling the same so I don't feel like such a b**ch for being mad when he plays it. I am OK when he goes to his friends houses and spends the night there playing but it makes me SO MAD when he come to my house and says he's gonna play it while I am doing so and so and then keeps playing it for so many hours after I am done taking a shower or doing homework or whatever. Just talk to him about it and set boundries for when he can and cannot play the game. I know it sounds controlling, but for people who are addicted to WoW and other games like it, it is the only way to get them to understand. Good luck, I totally feel for you on this one.

[Momene]

I think any hobby that becomes obsessive to the point it interferes with a relationship is bad news. I sometimes get irritated with my wife for spending lots of time socializing on the Internet. I'm lucky in that if it's clear outside, I can leave her to it and look through my telescopes. It's a bit like people complaining about their partners seeing friends and family or (alternatively) being restricted from seeing friends and family. Any free time spent away from a partner needs to be negioated between a couple, whether it involves being physically out of the house or not. Where one partner is preoccupied with something and the other resents being left out, it spells trouble.

 

Now there are those of you who might see my post count and say that I have an addiction problem! Whilst this is true to some extent, I don't tend to come on here in preference to spending time with my family. I often sneak on from work and sometimes early morning from home.

[ExhumationOfMe]

P.S.

 

Most men by the age of thirty are pursuing careers, getting more responsible, putting down payments on a first condo or house, getting engaged, traveling...

 

May I ask: What is it that you admire about him?

 

Thank you all for your comments

To answer this question specifically, I admire a ton of things about him.

He's a really sweet guy. Has a lot of nice friends, not all of them are gamers. He's smart. He treats me like gold. He does come away from the games if I ask him to. He's good looking (Had to throw that one in). He's everything a boyfriend should be, personality wise. It's just the games get in the way of our time. Just now he said something to me about "warriors" in WoW and I have no idea what he's talking about. He's sitting at his computer writing down every bit of information about his brothers character... I mean EVERYTHING. The "stats" unclothed", "clothed", "Armored", "not armored". Ugh. ](*,)

[ExhumationOfMe]

I love people who are straight forward. Thank you.

I've been trying to look for a job latley. I had an internship at the local crime lab here but since they can't hire me for another year I'm kinda stuck in limbo land. I like playing a few games with my boyfriend, like DotA, Halo and Halo2. On my own time I go out to visit my dad. I have my own Xbox there, but I play a few games now and then, then watch movies. I like some games, but I'm picky, and I don't get addicted and let it control my life. I'm not afraid of losing him. He always tells me I have first priority, and if I want him to stop doing something, he will. I can do that. I just don't know how to talk to him about his "addiction". It makes him happy. He has 5 siblings, besides his twin brother. Both younger siblings are married with kids, as are his older siblings. I'm just wondering if he'll ever grow up. A 29 year old man who's ambition in life is to be a "super hero" has issues. I love him, I want him to be happy, but I don't want to sacrifice my happiness, for him to be happy.

 

[ExhumationOfMe]

Good luck, I totally feel for you on this one.

 

 

I feel for you too

[Momene]

A 29 year old man who's ambition in life is to be a "super hero" has issues.

 

Without knowing the full story, there are plenty of people who are ambitious but (for lots of reasons) never achieve them. Perhaps he needs a more constructive outlet such as further study that might improve his career.

 

If that's not an option, try a part-time activity that might launch a secondary career.

[blender]

Thank you all for your comments

To answer this question specifically, I admire a ton of things about him.

He's a really sweet guy. Has a lot of nice friends, not all of them are gamers. He's smart. He treats me like gold. He does come away from the games if I ask him to. He's good looking (Had to throw that one in). He's everything a boyfriend should be, personality wise. It's just the games get in the way of our time. Just now he said something to me about "warriors" in WoW and I have no idea what he's talking about. He's sitting at his computer writing down every bit of information about his brothers character... I mean EVERYTHING. The "stats" unclothed", "clothed", "Armored", "not armored". Ugh. ](*,)

 

Ugh, I'm so sorry to say but I hope you take time to step back and gain some perspective on his "gaming issues" even if he ever gives them up, he will most likely replace them with another "addiction"..gambling, drinking, whatever.. it's an "addiction" and the fact that he's sooo into it, I'm sure sometimes leaves you feeling "left out".. so make sure the qualities you admire in him.. are "authentic" and NOT ones you "hopefully" put upon him.

 

Be careful not to let your loving heart just choose to believe he has the "potential" to be someone you respect, but make sure to ask yourself if he actually shows the qualities of character that you would want in a husband, father to your future children, and someone who you feel loved by, respected by, a priority to, and whom you not only feel safe and comforted by, but also that he is a partner in the responsiblity to building a future for himself, and possibly for you as a couple.

 

If he's "everything a boyfriend should be" then he'd be spending a lot less time "gaming" and instead making an effort and putting energy into making his life better so he can share life's responsiblities for the future.

 

The stats say that if a someone spends more than an hour a day "gaming" and it interfers with his relationships, concentration on other things, or "efforts towards daily responsiblities" that he's then suffering from "addiction".

 

I'm sure he has "great friends who are not all gamers' but his friends are not who you are choosing to be in a relationship with... who is "he" amongst his friends, do they respect HIM, or merely his "gaming prowess"?.

 

I feel for you, I know you care for him deeply, but make sure you are caring for yourself enough to know when enough is enough.. if you find you are saying "get away from the computer" more than a few times a week, let alone a day.. well, this is not good for "you". Or for him.

 

I hope he can gain some perspective on his "age, place in life, and energy spent towards something like "gaming" that has no long lasting life rewards or fulfillment".

 

I wish you luck, take care of yourself.. best, Blender