Now he wants her...

[ShadowGirl]

It's been a few weeks since my boyfriend (let's call him Dan) broke up with me. We dated for a few months, which is surprisingly long for people my age... 13. At first Dan said that he broke up with me because he didn't want a relationship anymore, and then it was that he didn't like me, and then it was because I hadn't been talking to him as much, and a couple of other reasons. He kept changing the reason he dumped me.

Then, one or two weeks later, he came out and said he liked my best friend, let's call her Kara. Well this came as a surprise to me, because Dan is reeeaally shallow. And I'm not trying to be mean, but Kara isn't the kind of person he would like. Also, he hates preppy people, and she is pretty preppy.

So now I'm not sure if he really likes her, or if he is just using her to make me jealous (he seemed really mad that I didn't overreact when he dumped me). But the fact is that she likes him back.

At first, she said she would never go out with him because he is my ex, but then she said she would only go out with him if I was ok with it. And I wasn't, because I still liked him.

Well then I was mad, because Dan asked Kara out and Kara said she'd think about it. At this time, I had decided that I didn't like Dan anymore (only as a friend) but that it would still really bother me if she went out with him. I can't explain it, I just really wouldn't like it if they dated. Part of it is because I don't want her to get hurt like I did, and another part is that I really just don't want them to date and I don't know why.

Well she said she would think about it, and I told her "If you say no to him, please do not include me in the reason you don't want to go out with him! He'll bug me about it so much and drive me insane!" so she said she wouldn't say that she wouldn't date him because of me. Lo and behold, she told him "well I would date you but I don't want my best friend to hate me."

Well, of course, I got mad at her, but I can't hold a grudge so it didn't last long. Then Dan was bugging me about how I should think about just moving on and letting them date, and I told him I would think about it.

But we are all friends now (except they like eachother) so we went to the mall to hang out tonight. I realised something...

I still really like Dan.

And I miss what we had. It seems like just yesterday... we had so much fun and I really loved him, and I could tell he did too.

But now I feel so messed up. I want to let him go so bad but I still like him a lot. I want Kara to be happy, but I'm not going to lie to her and say that I don't care if she dates Dan. I wouldn't do that.

Well I told her that I still like Dan a lot.

I just don't know what to do about all this.

When we hung out today he seemed like he still liked me.

Gah. I just don't know what to do about this.

 

Help?

[rose2summer]

I think you should try avoid spending any time with Dan or Kara right now.

 

Morally, Kara should know to not date Dan because of the distress it will cause you.

 

However, maybe she doesn't realize that and it would only cause you more pain and heart-ache to see them all gazy eyed towards each other.

 

He doesn't seem to be very sure what he wants, he acted like he liked you but he also likes her.

 

I don't think he is using Kara to make you jealous.

 

But I do think he is too indecisive to maintain a relationship with.

 

For that reason, I think it is best to avoid contact with Dan or Kara for the time being.

 

Hugs, Rose

[BeStrongBeHappy]

13? wow, that is so young, maybe you should just be friends and not be used by any guy who tries to convince you using you is alright, or using you then using your bestfriend is alright...and you should move on if he does use you.

 

you are too young to be in a relationship, emotionally or LEGALLY.. this guy is a jerk, don't let him or anyone else convince you otherwise...

 

enjoy your TRUE friends, lose those who will use you.

[sixpounder]

its not illegal to be in a realtionship at that age. i did the same thing when i was that age. and ill have to agree with what rose said try and stay away from them both for a while. try not to let it bother you, at that age your still passing notes and not talking alot to eachother.

[Layword]

My advice to you, is to show him how powerful you are on your own. Him even saying "Move on" is a sign that he see's your sorrow. Show your strong, show your virtue, show your a women.

 

As for your broken heart, your a very special girl if your dating at that age. You'll find a smart, sweet, nice guy that will take care of you for awhile anyways.

[silky88]

i can honestly say that i was in the exact situation you are when i was your age (it was a LONG time ago...). what ended up happening to me is that my best friend betrayed me to be with the guy that had just broken up with me. but i'll tell you something that neither you, nor your friend may know right now:

 

friends see so many things similarly and have similar tastes, especially at that age. which means it makes sense that you may have crushes on the same boy. while it is reasonable to expect loyalty from your friends, few people that young have the selflessness and self-control to put another's needs or wants before their own. that's why at that age people are so cruel, clique-ish, and inconsiderate. many of them are simply out for their own pleasure and their own experiences, and have little to no idea of the true pain it may inflict on others.

 

so i'd agree with the other posters; put them both at arm's length. i know how bad it can hurt and how badly you wish thigs were different, but the truth is, in a few years, none of this will mean anything to you.

 

there are so many guys who will truly care about you, and there are so many friends out there who will respect you and never do you wrong, that it is worth it to give these two up for a while. you will eventually meet these people. what sucks for you is that it does take a while.

 

sister, i feel your pain. pm me if you need to talk.

[ShadowGirl]

Thanks, everyone.

I don't know that I can just keep them away like that, though. Kara is my BEST friend, and has been for a long time. I would hate to lose her as a friend. As a best friend.

I wouldn't like to lose Dan as a friend, either. I would be more ok with it than I would be with Kara, but I still want to be friends. I just want to be over him, already. I can't help that I like him, and I just want to be done liking him.

I do agree though, in a year or so none of it will matter. I should have thought about that, seeing as it has happened to me before.

 

And I'll edit my post and add this:

I do feel pretty mature about how I handle dating. Compared to most people my age, I feel that I know how to handle a relationship better. Most people just date someone because "she's hot" "he's hot" and so on. But I wouldn't do that, that just ruins the whole point of dating. Also, most people would break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend over little things. I don't agree with that, I think that if there is a problem it needs to be discussed and resolved, not just ended with a "you didn't call me all weekend! it's over!"

Gahh. Now I realize why I told myself I was just going to wait until highschool to try serious relationships.

Almost no one at my school has any idea how to be mature about dating. I really do feel I'm alone on that one.

I just hate all this he said, she said drama.

[Overmyhead]

Awww. I understand how it is completely possible for someone at the age of 13 to be as serious about dating as someone in their 20's/30's. In fact, I was 14 (and a freshman in high school) when I started my first relationship (which lasted about 3 years and is in a very bad state right now).

 

Anyway.

 

Just like everyone has said, you're still VERY young but by the looks of it, you seem extremely mature and smart for your age. Obviously, you'll find someone much better than "Dan". But the most important thing to realize is that you -don't need- a boyfriend. I realize that doesn't make watching Kara and Dan together any easier. However, chances are, their feelings for each other won't last. In the meantime, hang out with other people. Since Kara is your best friend, do stuff with her w/o Dan and if she keeps bringing him up in conversation, change the subject. You'll be over Dan in no time, trust me.

 

And as a final bit of advice, I'd recommend not getting into a serious relationship right at the start of high school. Allow time to meet a diverse set of friends and join clubs and stuff so that you still have other people to do things with other than your boyfriend. This is key in the long run.

 

Hope things work out for you!

[settinuplife]

13?! Wow will things change for you when your older.