Its evolution baby

[Clementine orange]

But it’s a wonder any of us guys get anywhere at all! Someone really needs to write an instruction manual for this. And a man/woman- woman/man translation dictionary

 

Here is an excerpt from the Toronto Globe and Mail (reprinted from The Economist)

 

“As studies show, and many women will attest, men tend to misinterpret innocent friendliness as a sign that women are sexually interested in them, “ says the Economist. Doctors [whatever their names are and it’s not important] reason that “men who are trying to decide if a women is interested sexually can err in one of two ways. They can mistakenly believe that she is not interested, in which case they will not bother trying to have sex with her or they can mistakenly believe she is interested, try, and be rejected. From an evolutionary standpoint, trying and being rejected comes at little cost…Not trying at all, by contrast may mean the loss of an opportunity to, among other things, spread one’s DNA. There is the opposite bias in women’s errors. They tend to undervalue signs that a man is uninterested in a committed relationship. That, the idea goes, is because a woman who guesses wrongly that a man intends stick around could end up raising the child alone.

 

On this subject here is some actual dialogue from my life.

 

Me (after being rejected – rudely I might add) Sorry, I just assumed that when you told me you were single and looking and then invited me over to your place for drinks that you were interested in me.

Her (with exaberated sign) Oh gross, I just wanted to chat!!!You men are all alike, you are only out for one thing. I’m so fed up with men hitting on me!!!!

 

And this from a recent college reunion

 

Her (angry) Uh…Hello, are you dense!! How could you not figure out I liked you, I went into that café you worked in everyday for 2 months and flirted with you and you never asked me out. It was so humiliating. I’ve had it with men!!!

Me (bewildered) I don’t know – I thought you just liked our coffee.

[AwdreeHpburn]

LOL!!!

 

 

Sorry Clem - we're so confusing!

[blueangel]

Everyone makes assumptions and misinterprentations. I wish, as a girl, I could go up to a guy and just tell him how I feel, what I mean by what I do straightaway. But the fear of rejection even guides me away from that. This leaves, for most of us, only flirting and the use of body language to show someone how we feel about them and even that can be scary. The only way some girls get over the fear of flirting is by making it an insignificant habit that they have in every relationship. Basically, a girl will flirt with a guy friend as well as a guy she is interested in at the same time. That way, if one takes it the wrong way or rejects such actions, she can simply prove or say, "Oh, I do that with everyone!" (meaning: "You're not as special to me as I made you think" or "I thought you were special but since you rejected me, I'll pretend like that's not what I meant to show. That way we can just go back to normal.")

 

Or they will openly say to everyone that they think they are special, meaning that AND treating them that way. This is the type of person to go through lovers in only a few weeks, dating one after the next. These people are scared of commitment and will only give love as much as they can without too much attachment. That or the relationship will end once their insecurities come to surface.

 

Then, there are the girls (and GUYS too!!) who will like someone but will absolutely NOT look their way or walk anywhere near them because of their fear. They care about that person's judgment the most. This causes them to never allow that person to get the chance to see or know who they are.

 

Lastly, there are the girls (AND GUYS) who treat everyone as just a friend and no more, despite gender or how they really feel about them. They will treat the person they love as just a friend. They will treat the person they get turned off by as a friend. That's because they are scared of leaving their comfort zone, but also of showing who they really are (to anyone)

 

In conclusion, a lot of love is ruled by fear. That's the world for you. Hopefully, you will choose to be the person who is not afraid of any open doors or challenges, but remains slightly cautious nonetheless.

[Day_Walker]

Men are not mind readers and some women expect us to be. We do not act on hints, we like things spelled out. Men also have a tendency to go after what they want (of course there are exceptions). I think the lesson learned here is to go after what you want and sometimes it is going pay off and sometimes it wont.

[AwdreeHpburn]

well - women are not mind readers either Daywalker, and as blueangel so eloquently said, we too are guided by insecurities, fears and ignorance.

 

We have NO idea which guy will respond well to the direct approach and which will tell us to piss off.

[Baby Carrot]

Sorry Clem - we're so confusing!

 

Errrr... Let's not generalize here.

 

I'm not gonna apologize for other girl's behavior, and is equally unfair other girls to apologize for MY behavior....

[AwdreeHpburn]

Errrr... Let's not generalize here.

 

I'm not gonna apologize for other girl's behavior, and is equally unfair other girls to apologize for MY behavior....

 

yer right - my bad.

 

I was more than joking but I should be more careful....

 

IT is a confusing experience for all involved and I shouldn't make light of it or generalise, even in jest. I am a pathetic speaker for all of woman kind any way.

[Clementine orange]

I'm not looking for apologies from anyone (nor will I give any, representationally of my gender or otherwise). My post was more of the "angst" variety, and a plea to women to understand where we men are coming from.

[Day_Walker]

well - women are not mind readers either Daywalker, and as blueangel so eloquently said, we too are guided by insecurities, fears and ignorance.

 

We have NO idea which guy will respond well to the direct approach and which will tell us to piss off.

 

Maybe this is just speaking logically but if a guy is not asking you out and you have an interest in him, then try the direct approach. Now does that mean that the girl will get shot down at times, of course it does but atleast that way you know and if he says no to the direct approach then you just move on.

It is hard for me to have sympathy for any person male or female if they like a person and fail to make a move. If you decide to make a move then you get an immediate reaction from the person you are interested in and instead of being constantly unsure about the situation, they could get an answer if they would just take the direct approach.

[AwdreeHpburn]

agreed. I'm not arguing otherwise.

 

i'm saying I realise it's difficult for all involved. It's a wonder we ever breed at all, but some how we figure it out.

 

Obviously, cos our species is still here, in ABUNDANCE.

[blueangel]

I like the strategy of just paying special attention to someone firstly before you tell them how you feel. Get into chatting with them so that when you admit your feelings, it doesn't seem too random (and they aren't COMPLETELY caught off guard). This only works though if you do eventually (and not after TOO long) admit your feelings. I'd hate the feeling of liking someone and being so close to them all the time while NOT taking the initiative. I hate it when other people do that too. No one wants that or likes that. All it takes is one person to open the door into something more, something deeper. It could work out or maybe not work out, but you shouldn't be scared of that.

[Baby Carrot]

Yeh... I'm just saying, is not like women are one mind in millions of bodies, just because we share some similarities and we all have the same kind of equipment from the waist down.

 

It's tricky coz heterosexual relationships always mean the collision of 2 very different worlds. But is nothing but natural, opposites attract. We can't really help it.

 

Unless ur gay of course, but that's a completely different story.

[blueangel]

You know what? Nothing's as simple as I just wrote it off to be. Not even labels or real behaviors. People change and grow in each moment. Some of us are scared, some of us just wait for love to suddenly happen, others put it off and don't really look or some just don't care as much in the moment. I don't think in life we HAVE to be with someone to be whole. We don't have to join together. We don't have to do any of that.

 

But relationships spice up life, make it seem more complex and more meaningful than it would be without them. That's why it's important to decide for yourself what you want and how you go about getting it. Every person is different as well as similar. Some people are tougher than others to get through to or close to. Either way, it's understandable to desire romance and love. Otherwise, we'd all be alone and feel alone. Being with another gives us hope.

[BellaDonna]

It's a wonder we ever breed at all, but some how we figure it out.

 

beer....

 

 

 

At least from what I've observed in many clubs, bars, and other social gathering locations, it seems to promote the breeding behavior.

 

BellaDonna

[Dako]

Clem

Good post.

[Dating Coach]

good thread, goes along with what I've been saying.

[Clementine orange]

Maybe men are more used to being rejected (or trying and failing). I just wish there was some way of deciphering what is going on. I (we - the male gender) feel so neanderthal when I (we) get rejected - like that's the only thing on our minds. But if we don't try then we don't succeed.

On the other side I've known women who have told me that they basically have stopped being friendly because they have felt so bad when the guy misinterprets it.

 

btw "blueangel" some brilliant insight there for someone who is only 16 years old.

[dil]

Maybe this is just speaking logically but if a guy is not asking you out and you have an interest in him, then try the direct approach. Now does that mean that the girl will get shot down at times, of course it does but atleast that way you know and if he says no to the direct approach then you just move on.

It is hard for me to have sympathy for any person male or female if they like a person and fail to make a move. If you decide to make a move then you get an immediate reaction from the person you are interested in and instead of being constantly unsure about the situation, they could get an answer if they would just take the direct approach.

 

easy for you to say.

[Day_Walker]

easy for you to say.

 

And once you be direct with a person you find it easier and easier to do since the "fear" has subsided.