emotional ex,

[Chevy369]

My ex of 1yr broke up with me a little over a month ago because of trust issues once i moved onto campus at my college. To make things short we still see eachother often and she cant seem to make up her mind on if she still wants to be with me or not. Im a patient guy, but i cant just wait forever to know if i can still have her or not. On top of that she keeps getting so emotional and cries seemingly more and more as time goes by.

 

The thing is, out of distress i know, she started to find interest in this other guy who comforted her while im here trying to figure out what she even wants. Im trying to use NC but its seems to become even more difficult as this new guy is moving in more and more and she still calls me telling me she want me in her life. She told me a couple of days ago that she doesnt want to have anything to do with him anymore, but she still wants to be friends with him. I told her all the time that as long as this other guy is in the picture that i cant be in her life because it would just hurt me too much.

 

Today we talked on the phone and she started getting so emotional that i thought she was going to have a panic attack from all the emotions she was expressing to me. Eventaully (since she still lives at home) her mom came in, took the phone from her, and told me that we need to end it all because its just not healthy to keep going like how we are.

 

I know that if i could get this other guy out of the picture i could be happier myself and could maybe get back to my old self and fix things, but then again im not sure if she would still have trust issues or not. Also i dont know if i could handle NC, she was my first love and i can barely handle being away from her... i definantly need some help with this one.

[Survictor]

It seems as if she needs lots of reassurance from you and isn't getting it and thereforeeee, isn't sure of your feelings for her and is keeping this other guy in the wings.

 

Perhaps she feels deserted by you leaving her to go onto campus at college and feels threatened by your new life without her in the picture?

 

You should tell her that you really hate being away from her and you want a future with her, not without her. Tell her how you see your future together if there is one? Say that you care and love her (if you do) and don't want the relationship to end but that you have to persue college etc.

 

As her if she is prepared for a future with you(if you think this is the right thing to do) but if you do not want that then perhaps it is best she move on and you kindly let her go.

 

She obviously does seem distressed as do you but you have to ask yourself if she is part of your future? Be truthful about that to yourself and to her.

[bachinit]

if there is another guy in the picture, your very best action is to walk away from her immediatelty. It's the only way I am sorry to say. I know you don't realize it yet, but you're only 18. You have years and years of great women ahead of you (ones that won't even think of cheating on you).

 

Take advantage of that and be good to those loyal ones.

[RandomAdvisor]

Her mother is completely right. This situation needs to end, the sooner the better. One of you has to step up and be firm about initiating no contact. Since it's clearly not going to be her, then it has to be you.

 

She obviously has her issues, and clearly isn't yet ready for any sort of mature relationship. She has a lot of growing up to do. Understand that this relationship isn't going to work, and as painful as it is for you you must stop all contact with her after making it very clear you are tired of this nonsense, and think it is best to have no sort of a relationship with her at all. Even a friendship is not advisable with her in her state.

 

Let me warn you now so you can prepare yourself for it though: immediately (or soon after) you make it clear that you don't want her and don't want to speak to her, she will suddenly make up her mind that she really wants to be with you and only you, and she'll drop the other guy or do whatever else is necessary to have you. Don't fall for it. She may mean it at the moment she says it, but after you are together again it will be the same old thing with her insecurity and she'll change her mind again starting the cycle all over again.

[Survictor]

That isn't necessarily true. Everybody occasionally needs a wake-up call whether it is complacency in a job or relationship or just plain old insecurity.

 

It sounds as if they both do care about one another and it could be that NC is the way to go if the relationship has very little hope or cannot survive periods of absense.

[RandomAdvisor]

That isn't necessarily true. Everybody occasionally needs a wake-up call whether it is complacency in a job or relationship or just plain old insecurity.

 

What isn't necessarily true? And why do you mention the wake up call subject? Reading your previous post where you stated....

 

It seems as if she needs lots of reassurance from you and isn't getting it and thereforeeee, isn't sure of your feelings for her and is keeping this other guy in the wings.

 

 

Are you saying that she dumped him as a wake up call to let him know she wasn't getting the attention/reassurance she needed?

 

 

 

It sounds as if they both do care about one another and it could be that NC is the way to go if the relationship has very little hope or cannot survive periods of absense.

 

If a relationship has very little hope or can't survive periods of absense, then really, why try to work it out? I don't see NC as a tool to try and salvage things in this situation (although it may work in that function in other situations). NC is what needs to be implemented to end this mess and help the OP keep his sanity. It will probably benefit his ex as well, but NC is first and foremost always for the person implementing it.

 

My fiance went away to college a little over a year into our relationship. One of us dumping the other person because of that was never an option for us. Why? Because we cared for each other and wanted to be together. And we had to deal with a four hour drive between us. Neither one of us drives. All we had was holidays, occasional weekends and the summer. Four years later we are living together and engaged.

 

 

Chevy369's ex on the other hand, dumps him as soon as he moves into a dorm because she doesn't trust him. And it's not as if he was moving far away - they still see each other often. Whether she cares for him or not is not the prime issue in my eyes. There are many times when two people can care for each other deeply, and despite that a healthy relationship between them is an impossibility for any number of reasons. Chevy369 is just asking to get burned if he continues to speak to her.

[Chevy369]

 

Were there any incidents that caused her trust in you to be soured or is she just paranoid?

 

 

Well in the past we sure have had some problems. About 6 months ago we went on a break for a short while. I was in a lot of depression at the time and ended up using this other girl. Although we were "split up" she still considers it cheating, which i guess i understand.

 

That was before i moved on to campus at college, and i know that ive grown up since then to where i would never do it again. She was paranoid about it the moment i moved here which was over 3 months ago and its gotten hard for me to deal with it. In the end, i know that i became hostile towards her because of the neverending arguments, which is why we broke up this time...