what should i do?

[MtBakerBoarder]

ok here is the thing, my girlfriend and I are both 16. We have been going out for like 5 months, things have been good except well our sex life. She wont give oral sex, she wont let me give her oral sex, the only thing we do is make out and sometimes I finger her or she gives me a handjob once in a blue moon, but she will not do anything else. i dont try to pressur her, but she wont even talk about why she doesnt want to do anything. Since she wont do anything last night i asked if i could watch her masturbate, and she got pissed and called me a pervert. I cant even talk to her about it because she flat out refuses to talk about sex or anything related to it, she seems to like making out and gets into it, but if it goes any further then that she gets all weird and pissed off at me.

 

my friends think i just just dump her and move on to someone else, and after last night i am thinking about doing that i think. I like being with her its just that she wont even talk to me about anything, i have tried all the time, and she just puts up a wall or changes the subject. I don't want to dump her when christmas is coming up but she wont even tell me what she is and isnt into, she just will not talk about sex at all. She is like dr jackel and mr hyde she goes from normal then if it gets into anything sexual she turns all freaky. I am thinking maybe she thinks i am pressuring her to do things? but im not, she wont even tell me what she wants or is/isnt into or what. I just have to try something, and then she usually asks why i tried to do that and I get all embarrased and pissed. Like last weekend we were making out i un-buttoned her bra, and eventualy her shirt was up and i kissed/licked her breasts and she flips out. It pissed me off because how am i supposed to know?? She wont say anything, talk to me about it, or tell me what she does/doesnt like! Im not phychic what am i supposed to do?? She wont communicate!!

 

 

i guess i just want to know what people think, because i like her, i dont really want to dump her, but i can only deal with so much of this crap.

 

thanks,

 

James

[Survictor]

This poor girl isn't ready to provide you with the kind of sex you want just yet. How could she even begin to feel safe and comfortable if you are forever pressuring her! She won't talk about it with you either, because she isn't comfortable or secure enough with you to do so.

 

If you like her then you should respect her and deal with it.

[Cardinal]

How is her communication in other areas of the relationship? I have to agree, it is very frustrating when a partner puts up a barrier and simply won't talk about a major relationship issue at all. Usually if you approach a woman completely outside the bedroom where she feels comfortable, she will say something if not open up completely.

 

I would personally stop any form of physical intimacy whatsoever until you get a chance to talk about this in detail. Short of just giving up on the situation, I can't think of anything else to do as she is non-communicative. So I say use non-verbal communication until she will talk to you. You may be pressuring her too much. So back off. Give her some time. Then approach her again outside the bedroom. If she still refuses to talk then its pretty much your call imo.

[Relationship Coach]

James,

You are 16 and your testosterone could be sold on E-Bay for millions! OK not really but you need to put things in perspective, you and your GF have different needs and desires. She is probably tired of your relentless focus surrounding your sexual needs. Back off for a while and just enjoy the relationship. Most girls that are worth being with should be somewhat of a lady not a tart. Be glad she is the way she is if you really like her stick around and try to understand her. The fact that she is not communicating with you may simply mean she's not ready for all of your needs and requests. Let her determine the sexual pace of the relationship for now. If you can't handle it, go find less of a lady and have at it but just remember, to get that way often means they have had more than one partner, use protection always. Fooling around sometimes can get out of control. STD's and unwanted pregnancies are ramped in your age group!

 

RC

[unface]

There's also a chance that she's got issues. Chicks tend to be that way.

 

Unless you're prepared to help her through what could be some really twisted repressed memories and other stuff... I'd say run and find yourself a girl from the other end of the spectrum.

 

Who knows how long it would take her just to admit something was wrong... and then it'd take time for her to warm up to the idea of professional help... that could take years.

 

Here's a rainbow colored afro:

[Survictor]

Oh the insecurity of being 16! I learned quite a lot at that age and I instigated it all! lol. My b/f (long standing) and I continued to learn with one another until 20 yrs of age. It was a very rewarding, fulfilling relationship and continues to be one of my best!

 

Went back there but man years later and realised the relationship wasn't perfect after all hence our original break up but the sex together was still pretty special.

 

You are not ready to give this girl your love and support in order for her to become the woman she will one day be and you could be the loser in the long run.

[annie24]

I think that she is still young and is not ready to have sex yet. And that's ok. everyone becomes ready at different times, and you shouldn't rush or pressure her. If anything it could be turning her off, because she may be starting to think if you like HER or you just want to have sex. If she's starting to think that you're just looking for any vagina, then that won't motivate her to sleep with you.

 

I would do what relationship coach said. either stop pressuring her and appreciate that you have a lady who values herself and has self-esteem and isn't going to rush into something where she can get diseases or pregnant..... or you could go out and find a girl where you can get sex easier.

[candy604]

wow you both are only 16. Dont' pressure someone into doing something they aren't comfortable with. Respect her boundaries. Gee..16 is so young to experiment with this stuff lol. Also a relationship isn't about doign sexual things..there's more to a relationship than that.

[Cardinal]

I think there is a very good reason not to take a negative stance against the OP's actions. And that is the simple idea of communication (as he stated a million times over in his post).

 

How hard could it possibly be for her to say a few quick lines:

 

"I am not ready for sex yet. Please don't pressure me. For now, lets stick to making out and nothing more." Or any variation thereof!

 

From what I understand nothing of that sort was ever said or hinted at. She only freaked out, got pissed, or otherwise got angry. All of this could easily be avoided with a few simple words of communication. So personally I can't say anything negative about the OP's actions.

[annie24]

yeah, for that reason, it sounds like she is not ready to be in a sexual relationship and should not be pressured. If she were ready for sex, she would also be able to say to say, "I'm not ready for sex now now, but will do x, y, and z in the meantime."

[MtBakerBoarder]

Wow, i guess I am a little surprised at the personal insults directed my way. What is that about?

 

Please dont pretend like you know me from a few paragraphs, I am not a super sex fiend looking to press my girlfriend into giving me sex 5 times a day. I simply want to know what she wants, what she is comfortable with, and what makes her happy. She wont tell me, so when things get to the sexual level I am stuck trying to guess what is the right thing to do. She rubs my $$$$ through my pants, then I lift up her shirt and kiss her boobs, and then I get yelled at. how is this my fault? I have tried to ask her what she is comfortable with, so what am i supposed to do, nothing? I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE INITIATING THINGS.

 

 

thanks to some of you for the advice, i would answer the other questions people asked, but I think ill pass on coming back here anymore.

 

 

James

[annie24]

In that case, I would sit down with her (not when you are fooling around, but at a more neutral time, like when you are driving). Say, "hey - let's talk about our intimate life, how far do you want to go?"

 

(Mod note: I have removed the offending posts)

[rikka]

My guess is that she is self-conscious in discussing this with you. She is 16, unsure of it all. She might be afraid that if she doesn't "put-out" she might lose you, but she isn't ready for sex yet.

 

This is nothing against you, she just has a block. Like Annie said, perhaps you should bring up the subject at a neutral time. Work on the communication between the two of you.

 

Good luck!

[Aurian]

I think there is a very good reason not to take a negative stance against the OP's actions. And that is the simple idea of communication (as he stated a million times over in his post).

 

How hard could it possibly be for her to say a few quick lines:

 

"I am not ready for sex yet. Please don't pressure me. For now, lets stick to making out and nothing more." Or any variation thereof!

 

From what I understand nothing of that sort was ever said or hinted at. She only freaked out, got pissed, or otherwise got angry. All of this could easily be avoided with a few simple words of communication. So personally I can't say anything negative about the OP's actions.

 

Seconded. If she is uncomfortable, that's fine, its her right to say no. But she shouldn't leave MtBaker in the dark about what is okay and what is not.