After breaking up, do we put EX on Pedestal?

[HulloThere]

My ex and I broke up because of some trust issues. Although I have tryed to contact her, shes been really good at no contact. She also has made it very clear the times we did hang (following breakup) out that she didn't see a future in our relationship. I consider myself above average looking and my ex was a really cute girl.

 

But I keep thinking about how much I f'ed up because I was the one that made the biggest and last mistake that ended our relationship. I also keep thinking that there is no way I can get better then her and I am going to have to settle in the future. I really loved her and it sucks but if we aren't going ot be together I don't want to have these feelings. Is this common in most breakups to put your ex on this pedestal? Being down on yourself because you feel that you let go someone "special" and you won't have a chance at someone like that again? This has been bothering me because I am now 23 and graduating college this December. I dated this girl all through college and we have been broken up for 3 months now. I am worried that once I graduate college all the "good" girls have already been taken. I was supposed to marry this girl but I guess things don't always work out. Soo is it just my emotions playing with me or am I right in thinking this girl was out of my league and why oh why did I f it up?

[melrich]

I think there is definitely a tendency for people to put their exes on a pedestal.

 

I mean it is so common here to see posts like, "My girlfriend broke up with me because I took the relationship for granted for the last 6 months. Now I can see how great she was and want her back."

 

I mean really, for 6 months there was little affection, no expressions of love etc etc now that the relationship is over we realise how important she was and how much in love we are?

 

No. We realise we are suddeny no longer in control, our egos are damaged and we want what we can't have so we start to view the broken relationship through rose colored glasses.

 

I think there is no doubt that many relationsghips take on a whole different perspective once they have failed.

[Clementine orange]

We should do a straw poll on how many of us managed (miracle of miracles) to get our ex back into our lives and back into a relationship with us, just like we wanted and whined about for months, only to find that it really isn't that great and wasn't what we really wanted after all.

 

Same old problems exist plus a few extra!

 

This has happened twice to me in my life. I am learning. Someone here once said - it's called a breakup because it is broken.

[DMXtreme]

You just have to learn from your mistakes, focus on yourself for a while and follow a strict NC diet. I know I have messed up on my past relationships, I have said things out of anger and later regret it only to find out I really messed it up. I learned from them and took all that knowledge into my next relationship and learned never to speak out of anger. Whatever you did, learn from it. You also need to realize that there are many girls out there that are "good" girls waiting for you, take time to better yourself first.

[Relationship Coach]

They are put on a pedestal so you can justify longing for them or taking the blame for the failure of the relationship. If you called them cow-dung how could you ever justify to anyone why you were so hurt by them and wanted them back without looking like a fool?

 

RC

[Clementine orange]

They are put on a pedestal so you can justify longing for them or taking the blame for the failure of the relationship. If you called them cow-dung how could you ever justify to anyone why you were so hurt by them and wanted them back without looking like a fool?

 

RC

 

OK, that's brilliant - I never thought of that. Excellent post dude. It's all about playing games with one's own mind - rationalisation, justification and all that BS. Food for thought - thanks!