25 And 47

[cindy7217]

I have been seeing a guy that is 25. He said he didn't want a relationship with strings but that he had no problem with our age difference. We have been seeing each other for about 4 months. We work at the same place and our relationship consists of a lot of talking, we would go out to eat and we would have out with friends at my house. He is just starting over after a raw deal that ended him up in prison and I have been trying to help get him back on his feet. He has not asked for anything but I helped him buy a truck and I give hime gifts occasionally, like clothes and small items. We really enjoy spending time togther and we have a lot in common and think the same way. Recently I went on a trip and while I was gone his spent some time at my house and we spoke on the phone several times. When I got home he was waiting for me and unfortunately I had gotten a terrible cold on my trip. It was a couple of days after that before I got to really see him or talk to him and he suddenly tells me that he can't stand my emotional fits and that we have to stop seeing each other. We can remain friends but I am coming to emotionally attached and we cannot have sex any more. I have become attached but I had not put any demands on him or tried to contol his life. He says he is doing this because he doesn't feel right about leading me on and then eventually breaking my heart. I think it is too late. I just don't understand why suddenly he is having an attack of conscience. He says there is no one else. I am just confused why it was okay to sleep with me for 4 months and take my gifts and suddenly he wants to be friends but not intimate. It is driving me nuts.

[Caterina]

Getting into any relationship has its risks and since he is so much younger, there was even more of a risk. I'm really sorry this happened to you...if you gave him expensive things, maybe you can ask for them back?

[Mun]

Hello there Cindy.

I'm sorry that you are in this situation.

I think he feels that it was ok to take your gifts because you gave them to him without him asking. He also thought it was ok to sleep with you for 4 months because he told you up front that it would be no strings and you accepted it and went ahead with it.

 

You put yourself in this situation and I know that acknowledging that does not make you feel better. ((Although it does sometimes help because we no longer feel powerless. We made a choice))

 

Hey may not be having such an attack of conscience--if he was he would be trying to pay you back for ALL your help. What he may be doing is trying to break free now because he has gotten back on his feet and wants to move on. Whatever the reason it's in your best interest to stop the gifts and get him out of your house. Having him around will only perpetuate the pain.

 

I'm very sorry that your heart is broken. No matter what we tell ourselves about casual relationships we still have feelings. I hope you can move on.

[FortunateOne]

Cindy, this guy is a dirt bag. Consider this a blessing since you really want this guy out of your life. My advise as a man is to value yourself and discern what a healthy man represents, but for this you need to take time to soul search and discover your true identity. You deserve a man that respects you and himself. I feel sorrow for your pain, yet harness this emotion into focused anger towards the self destructive behaviour you exhibit. Remember, an emotionally healthy man wants an emotionally healthy woman.

[avman]

I don't agree that he's a dirt bag. He was clear up front that he didn't want strings attached. As Mun said, you accepted that. If he's noticing you are becoming attached - which is what he didn't want in the first place - then he's doing the right thing by breaking it off now.

 

You can't now fault him for accepting gifts that you gave unconditionally or sleeping with you when he said straight off that he didn't want a serious thing. You went along with it.

 

Wish him well and let him go. If you cannot bring yourself to be friends with him now, then don't. That is fine. You need some distance to heal yourself.

[SexySadie7]

I don't agree.. she went far beyond what was needed to help him onto his feet. I think he took advantage of the situation and now things are alright he's moving on. I would demand he pay you back for the truck honestly.

At least you could take that money and pay for 4 months of a dating site and some nice clothes or jewelry to help you thru this slump.

Any guy who expects a girl to not have feeling in this stupid no strings thing is an idiot! Guys don't think like girls.. nor should guys expect girls to think like a guy!

Whoever thought up this concept I would like to personally shoot! It has caused more heartache and anguish for more women than you can imagine.

Of course.. i'm sure there's women out there who want a no strings thing too. Let them date the guys who want that kind of thing.

I think the guy's a dirtbag too. He owes you big time. Let him at least pay you back for the truck.. even if it's in installment plans. After all, if he went to a bank. he'd be paying them monthly. If he's a man enough to have sex with this poor lady.. let him be a man enough to pay off his bills!

That's my 2 cents. I don't think the fact that the guy's only 25 has anything to do with it either.. He just took advantage of her kind nature.