uhm.. feedback?

[babybear]

I went out with my boyfriend for two years. During that time we had a lot of ups and downs, the downs being quite terrible. Surprisingly we didn’t break up from them, and in the end my boyfriend dumped me simply because ‘he didn’t love me anymore he saw me as a friend’. That was four months ago. For a long time things were weird between us but both said we wanted to remain friends. In the last couple of months we are now normal but most of our conversations aren’t friend-like. When we meet up, if we are in town we are like friends but if we go to one of our houses we end up kissing. He always tries to take it further and I feel very pressured, I try to say no but it often feels like no isn’t really an option. I can tell he doesn’t have them ‘love’ feelings, so I don’t understand why he does these things. What makes me really mad is after we met up, he would then avoid me for like four days. I told him I thought he had no respect for me and it seemed like he was using me because of this and he got upset and since then he hasn’t avoided me after we met up. He makes me feel really bad. He will often blow hot and cold, one minute seeming to show interest in me, the next like he doesn’t give much of a damn. I feel like I should have ‘moved on’ by now, as it’s been four months. But I’m not over him, I still feel extremely affected by him which makes me feel stupid. I will wait specifically for *him* to come online and always check my phone for text messages. I never text him first but he texts me now - most nights, for a few hours. I don’t really know why I’m posting this, maybe to get some unbiased feedback on my situation ‘cause I feel quite blind at the moment. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what he thinks cause – I never make any effort to get in contact with him cause that’s what I used to do and 9 times out of 10 he wouldn’t reply so i stopped. But now he texts me quite a lot but I don’t think he realises I’m affected by him I dunno.

[longhaircats]

Hi Babybear,

 

You should tell him that you can't be friend with him for a while, because you need to move on and meeting up with him will slow the process of healing. Also staying as his friend does not get him back either. I was in the exact same situation as yours until a month ago. My ex boyfriend of 2.5 years dumped me 5 months ago because he fell out of love. We remained as friends but we slept together several times cause of the old feelings and chemistry was still there. Then I moved to a new city a month ago and one day on a phone he told me he was up for a date and I need to move on. I was crushed. I decided not to contact him anymore, because I was usually the one initiating contacts. I told myself, I did enough. I still love my ex, but it was not healthy to stay the way we were. Seems that your ex is confused, and if you stay strong he may realize that he wants to be with you. Good luck!!

[babybear]

thank you for your help. i guess i should avoid seeing him, but it makes me sad if we dont speak online or through texts.

hes gone out tonight, sometimes he lies to me - il ask him what hes gonna be doing and he will tell me nothing when he actually is going out. or he will specifically tell me hes going to speak to me later when hes going out. almost like he wants me to be alone while hes having fun.

maybe im paranoid

[sandyv]

Don't fall for that stuff, hey Babybear, this guy sure sounds like my ex Jack. And he I believe may be a narcisist, (totally into himself) and doesn't give, (forgive the expression) Jack sh*t about you or anyone else..... I know this whole scenario is very much what I have been dealing with.

 

Also he wants to be with you (no disrepect intended) as my ex bf Jack does... to get his rocks off, sorry but it is as simple as that...... god men are pigs... but then again pigs don't drink beer do they? Sorry I'm angry, just venting... but these guys don't even stop to think about how they are hurting us.... its all about them isn't it???