ugh so torn

[angeleyes26]

so i was married once, for the wrong reason but i loved him and he didnt love me not the same anyhow. then, i got an annulment. it has been three years this upcoming thanksgiving since our annulment. for the past two years in sep. i have been dating a wonderfull guy whom i love and even adore. we have a future, i can see it. We have planned it. however, the way i felt for my husband has never changed i still love him, i like to think that it is a different type of love, exept i dont know which one. anyhow, i knew when i initially started dating my current bf, that if my ex had told me even slightly he loved me i would have somehow tried to make it work. he didnt. and now three years later and nearing the anniversary of both our annulment and marriage he confesses to me he whished we would have worked out. my heart changed its beat! what is going on! i love my current boyfriend. i would never leave him, i think. but my ex revealing that he would make it work, that he loves me! still! and all i wanted was to regain my lost friendship with him. he was an amazing friend. now he wants to meet, i kinda do too. i would never cheat on my bf but i think my heart could. what should i do? is it possible to love two people? im so lost in this!!!!

[MythicDawn]

I have seen so many times in relationships where people have trouble, they end it... Then they get back together sometimes more than twice and it always ends with the same problem as before.

 

I would stay with your most recent love. Do your best to put your ex behind you and keep on moving forward in life.

 

Don't dwell on your past, it will be your biggest regret in the end.

 

But that is just my opinion. I wish you luck.

[treefrogkate]

As much as we like to think it's possible, people don't usually change. I can't profess to know what might be going on with your ex (is it possible he has just gotten out of a relationship and is feeling lonely?), but if you meet with him, you are setting yourself up for a lot of temptation, at the very least.

 

If you truly love your boyfriend, are you really willing to deceive him by going behind his back? Think of it this way: If it's something you wouldn't want your boyfriend to know about, in a way you are cheating on him just by going to meet the ex.

 

If you've got good communication with your man (and it sounds like you are very close, so you probably do), can you talk to him about this?

 

Are you willing to give up a Very Good Thing that is working well to take a step backward to something you already know doesn't work? You've got the luxury of time and distance so you can remember all of the good things, and none of the bad. What about all of the unhappy stuff? I'm sure you didn't get an annulment just for the heck of it.

 

As far as "all i wanted was to regain my lost friendship with him. he was an amazing friend.": Can you really be *just* friends with a man you have such strong feelings for? My gut feeling on this is the end all contact with the ex. Time does heal all wounds (I went through a divorce this year, so I know that one all too well), and contacting him will probably just serve to tear those wounds open again.

[angeleyes26]

hey treefrogkate, thankyou i see what you mean. I love my man yes,I cant explain why I feel the way I do. Maybe is just this time of year bringing back old memories I wished had not occurred. I know temptation is there but I know myself better, I wouldnt cheat on him, at least as you put it not physically. I do however want to talk to my ex about many unanswered things, closure perhaps. I havent made a decision in what to do just yet regrding our meeting but Im thinking of talking to my current bf of this. You are right he should know if I am meeting up with my ex or not. I know I would like to know if he was doing the same. I'm just hurt. you know? I loved this man enough to marry him. And to be honest my love for my current bf can never compare to my love for my ex they are very different types of loves. how do i just walk away from one? how can i let go? i dont think im over him, i know im not how can i be over him?

[treefrogkate]

I understand a little of what you're going through. If it were me in your shoes, I would talk to my boyfriend about it. Like you said, you wouldn't want to find out after the fact that he had met up with an ex-girlfriend behind your back. It sounds like you really love your boyfriend, and as such, he deserves your honesty and openness.

 

Closure can be a good thing, but be sure in your heart before you even consider meeting up with him that that is your intention, and not to see if there is still a spark. If you are wanting to see if there is still a spark, I don't think it would be fair to your current boyfriend to put yourself into the situation of meeting the ex face-to-face.

 

It'll sound really weird when I say this, but I'm actually kind of "lucky" that my ex was abusive to me, as it made it that much easier to leave and to fall out of love with him. But I know what you mean about different kinds of love (I'm also extremely lucky in my case that I love my current boyfriend more than anyone else I've ever been with or wanted to be with). Maybe it's not good to try and compare the types of love. Just think about what you've got and try to put the ex out of mind?

 

That's what I'd try to do anyway. I know it's not easy, and I hope I don't come off sounding like I think it is. I hope you can decide what the right decision is for you *and* your boyfriend.