Friends with your boyfriend's friend?

[may55]

Hi guys,

 

I recently moved to Seattle this past year. I met my boyfriend almost right away and have slowly been making new friends outside of my relationship. One of my goals is to make a few really good female friends.

 

Anyway a female friend of my boyfriend's (they are mainly social pals) and I have totally hit it off. I totally enjoy hanging out with her and her and she and her husband have done a lot of couple friend things with my boyfriend and I. She and I have a lot in common: we both like dancing, sewing, painting, etc. The thing is that my boyfriend seems to be very much not willing to share her with me. She's invited me to lunch and my boyfriend will find out and join us. He of course is welcome, but I am realizing that maybe he is not comfortable with me seeing her without him. He even made a joking comment that she is HIS friend, not mine.

 

He calls her often (he is very social, this is normal no worries!) but I know that if he did not keep calling her and inviting her out, she probably would not see him often. She calls me often and invites me out without me having to do much. She likes him a lot, but she even jokes she likes me better.

 

I really do like her, and know that we could probably be better friends, but I hold back a bit because of my boyfriend and I think it also makes her feel a little weird too. I know she can be friends with us both, but for me a good girlfriend is gonna have a special relationship with me without my boyfriend involved.

 

Anyway, it's not a problem just a funny thing. Never had to compete with a guy I am dating over a friend.

 

I love him, so I of course do not want to hurt his feelings. He comes first! But I would love to be better friends with her without my boyfriend tagging along all the time. He has a lot of close friends, and a lot of female friends, this is the only one, however that I really connect with too.

 

Any suggestions?

[ForAnother]

Just from a younger guys perspective.

 

If that girl is someone he talks about his problems with a lot, they listen to music, talk about life and whatnot... perhaps he wants that relationship separate from that of his GFs.

 

That could be a shot in the dark, but that might be how he views it.

 

What to do? I think thats best to leave it up to somone else to give a better suggestion. As mine is to keep being friends, and tell your BF that you want to go eat with just her (I'd get suspicious if I were the topic of your convo tho... that would ultimately scare me)

 

-ForAnother

[Daligal83]

I'd ask him why he has such a problem with it. I'd also explain to him that you are still new to the area and need to find friends. This happens to be a girl that you really connect with and you think could become one of your good friends. He has a lot of close friends already, you deserve to have some too.