Is this just a rebound? Am confused!

[longhaircats]

My ex bf of 2.5 years broke up with me about 5 months ago, and it's been a month since we talked. All this time I was holding on to a false hope and I I've been a mess sice he told me he was up for a date. I forced myself to move on and did a lot of stupid things. But I finally met a guy I really like. He was not my type, but he made me laugh and I felt like we've know each other for a long time on the first date. I wanted to be a friend with him at first, because I knew I was not ready for a relationship, and he told me that I can call him whenever I have an urge to call my ex. After a week of flirting over text messages, we went on a second date and everything went so well. On the third date, we slept together, but I freaked out because he was so different from my ex (he was pretty bad in bed). He noticed that I was not happy and was not over my ex. He has been a bit distant from me since and I've been sad because I screwed up. I sent a casual text message last Friday asking what he was up to. He text me back told me he was having a dinner with his friends, and if I wanted to join them. I was with a girlfriend of mine. When we get to the restaurant where he and his friends were having dinner, we realized that it was two boys two girls situation, and we felt like we were out of place. My friend and I were at the bar waiting for them to finish dinner, but we weren't in a mood to socialize with neither him nor his friends. We talk to them a little bit, but not so much and we were just dancing, talking to other people at the bar. After my friend left, I went to talk to him, but he was so angry with me because I was talking to other guys instead of him/his friends. He accused me that I was trying to make him jealous. He walked me home, but told me that it is not going to work out for us because I am in love with someone else (my ex) and I am just going to hurt him. I tried to explain, but I am not sure what else to say because it is true that I am not completely over my ex. At the same time I really like him and he was the first person I can see myself to be with after the breakup. My friends told me it is just a rebound, and I don't really like him. I don't know what it is really about. I feel a butterfly in my stomach not hearing from him or him not talking to me anymore. I don't even know if I have a feeling for him. I wanted to talk to him, and told him to call me. He sent me a text saying that he would try to call me, but I haven't heard from him. I've been very sad and feel like am a total idiot acting like a needy person. by sending him a lot of text. What is the right thing to do? I'm so confused!

[cchurting]

I don't know if I would necessarily classify your situation as a "rebound". But it does sound like you need more time to learn about yourself.

 

In order to be in another serious relationship, you must have peace with and understand WHY you and your ex aren't together. Its ok to compare. You did learn some things from your ex.

 

Your standards bar is a lot higher now, and you won't be willing to settle for less when it comes to the real deal.

[zrehman]

Hey cutie. What you need to do first is to get over your ex. If you don't do that at all, than you will never be able to move on. This new "guy" that your talking to wants to be with you and it seems like he would pursue a relationship with you, but if your not ready for that right now, you need to tell him, because one minute you seem great with this new guy than the next minute you start missing and thinking about your ex. It's not fair to this new guy and he shouldn't have to deal with it.

 

You need to cut yourself off from dating and seeing new people. Focus on yourself and have fun, get over your ex, than move into dating and relationships.

[maynards_razorblade69]

Well, the new guy didn't accept that you were talking to other men, so to be honest, unless you want to be in a relationship with someone that won't allow you to talk to 50% of the population, I'd run if I were you!

[longhaircats]

Hi all, thanks for your reply. I know it's not fair for the new person if I'm not over my ex. I told him already that I was not ready for more than friendship when we first met, but he didn't believe it until he saw it himself. He came on to me strong and now he's gone. I feel like I'm left out confused. He told me I was playing games. I don't think so. But I understand his point. My dilemma is whether talk to him or just let him go. My heart tells me I don't want to lose him like this, but maybe I just don't want him to think badly of me.....

[longhaircats]

Also I just moved to a new city and am lacking a support mechanism (friends and family) so I've been trying to make new friends, so he knew I was looking for friends, both female and male. I've spent a lot of time alone crying at home for the first two weeks or so, but I decided to attend meet up groups to make new friends. How am I going to focus on myself and have fun alone?