My ex (the dumper)is lonely? wants sympathy?

[shikashika]

My ex broke it off with me about 3 months ago.

 

We are in somewhat contact as I see him at the gym sometimes, and once in a while we chat on msn (but NEVER talk about our relationship)

 

I feel like when I talk to him he sounds quite negative.

 

eg.

 

I told him I bought a new phone. He said "well at least you have people to call you on your phone"

 

i ask him how his weekend was and he says" nothing exciting, I don't really do anything

 

He was talking about his new apartment and i said something like"oh you'll move in just in time for Christmas parties" and he said" no, no one would come to my place"

 

 

If he always had this demeanour then its nothing enw... but he didn't!

 

 

yes I'm analysing.

 

yes I know that he is my ex and why am I thinking about these things

 

yes I know he dumped me, and he hasn't said please come back into my life shikashika'

 

but I don't get it... if he was the one who dumped me, why would be be making himself look bad?

 

any ideas?

[AdriSnow]

he could miss you and be playing that hard male role. Or is trying to slowly lure your emotions back with him. I wonder have you hanged out with him or seen him or had anytime of sexual encounter?

[shikashika]

no sexual encounter.. no hanging out even

 

we had NC for the first 6 weeks or so but I decided as I see him two times a week or so at the gym, I'm not going to walk past him with my nose in the air as I think that is highly immature.

 

its kind of a "hi how are you, how's work, what did you do on the weekend?"

very brief conversation. and the odd IM conversation

 

The thing is I am busy in my life, i have lots of friends to meet and things to do

 

 

why does he make comments like that?

 

I asked him how his tae kwan do classes are going and he said " I suck"

 

yes you may all be asking, " why do you want such negativity?"

 

but I would have thought he wouldn't tell me these things... I certainly haven't been..

[AdriSnow]

maybe he is depressed . It happeneds. Ask him I suppose . I would just try and get all the anwers your can from him to ease your own mind

[TheRedQueen]

Question: Do you still find him desirable, when he is sulking like that?

 

Personally, I find that neg-head kind of attitude to be uber unattractive.

[shikashika]

I should... but I think he will just say something like "I'm fine'...

 

not that I am him, but I think if I am in the dumper's shoes, I would never try andlet the other( the one I dumped) know that sort of thing... Even if it asn't true I would sound as positive as possible..

 

but thats just me I guess

[renaissancewoman101]

Maybe he feels neglected that you are not asking about the relationship and wants you to want him so that he doesnt feel so bad about dumping you. Personally, I think he is not happy that you are doing well without him and selfishly wants some attention from you.

[shikashika]

Question: Do you still find him desirable, when he is sulking like that?

 

Personally, I find that neg-head kind of attitude to be uber unattractive.

 

 

yes negativity is annoying, and makes me thing "Wus!"

 

but I analyse stuff! and find the need to understand why he is being like this.. I can't help it.

 

 

He wasn't like this when we were dating..

[shikashika]

Maybe he feels neglected that you are not asking about the relationship and wants you to want him so that he doesnt feel so bad about dumping you. Personally, I think he is not happy that you are doing well without him and selfishly wants some attention from you.

 

but he doesn't go out of his way to talk to me, ask me for coffee or anything like that.. as I said its only brief conversations when I see him at the gym.. and I can count.... 4 times... that we have chatted on MSN

[renaissancewoman101]

But, in those 4 brief conversations, hasn't he said stuff that tugs on your heartstrings and makes you think about him and feel sorry for him? He wants you to croon over him and baby him and maybe come beg him to let you back in his life.

 

He wants sympathy and to not be out of your thoughts.

[TheRedQueen]

Why the neg-head attitude?

 

You were probably the best thing that's happened to this guy since his birth, and now, after he's lost you he's finally realizing this fact.

 

He's a lost and lonely loser without you babe, tsk, tsk ,what a shame.

[shikashika]

But, in those 4 brief conversations, hasn't he said stuff that tugs on your heartstrings and makes you think about him and feel sorry for him? He wants you to croon over him and baby him and maybe come beg him to let you back in his life.

 

He wants sympathy and to not be out of your thoughts.

 

i guess I think if he wants sympathy he would make more effort in trying to get me to feel sorry for him... I don't feel sorry for him, I just think its weird that he would say things like that..

 

 

when he msn'd me and gave me the "nobody calls ME'... I just wrote' ha ha' because I thought he wsa kidding... but he wasn't...

[annie24]

I think he is looking for an ego boost from you. he wants you to say, "naw - you are a great, handsome man with a full head of hair! everyone loves you!"

 

blah. he is just using you as his emotional tampon (sorry if that is gross!)

 

I wouldn't read into anything he says and I would stay far away from him until you are 100% over him.

 

and TRQ brings up a good point - does his negativity actually turn you on? probably not.

[shikashika]

ugh... no negative guys are a no-no

 

(but we are all human and please dont' tell me some of you wouldn't feel like saying"why? why? why?")

 

 

I should listen to my own advice..but you know how it is...

 

Thing is... when he is whining about is life I have just laughed or said, oh really'

 

its sucks though..