Why do (girl) breakers feel bad after it ?

[frozenblaze]

Ok I think the topic title is pretty obvious, but I'll explain more. I found that behavior typical of girls who break, they feel bad after they've done it even if they were supposed to be unhappy with the relationship. I think it is hypocrisy, it's like trying not to feel guilty about being the dumper. My ex (though I can't really resort to labelling her like that for now) was crying after she dumped me, and she does really seem to be in an awful mood now that NC is implemented. If I dumped someone for a good reason (maybe it is because she has no good reason...who knows) , I would not be sad about it, I would be glad to have ended something that plagued my mind and my heart with tormenting questions. Now that my ex is alone she seems depressed and she is always sad when we meet (we go to the same school) even though I don't act like a heartbroken. It's not like we've been together for a long time so she should'nt be missing me much... What is with that guilty feeling, is it regrets ? is it compassion ? pity ? Please help me understand something... I do miss her but I won't try to contact her, better for her and for me...

[nadine_3110]

Even though we're unhappy in the relationship and we want out, we still don't like seeing the ppl we care about hurt. It's hard for everyone to sever a special connection like that. Guys tend to shield themselves first and then break up, girls don't do that as much.

[RayKay]

I have had guys whom broke up with me whom had a very rough time too with it, so it is not just girls.

 

Often when people end it, they don't WANT to hurt the other person, probably wish it HAD worked out and so are grieving the loss of our love, and dreams and relationship as well. Even when you know that it is the right decision, it can still be a great loss and sadness that is has ended that way.

[frozenblaze]

Well I guess that I'm a selfish jerk but I still think it is hypocrisy, you're not happy in your relationship well you break and then you are happy...abracadabra ! I never broke with someone but I turned many girls away who were interested in me and not really with kind words and guess what... I did not even feel sad for them... I mean when you do not love someone anymore then you should'nt even be mourning about something you have lost... especially if it had to end... When the decision is yours there is no reason for you to feel bad about it...

 

And yes I'm probably an egoist but selfishness is the only way to stop giving yourself to someone who does not care...

[vermilion]

Usually feeling bad is from the guilt over hurting the other person.

 

Or in your case probably regret that the relationship didn't work out and she had wished it could have been something.

 

I never broke with someone but I turned many girls away who were interested in me and not really with kind words and guess what... I did not even feel sad for them...

 

Geez! Never mind she's probably upset because she wasted time on you you jerk!

 

haha...no, seriously, I'm kidding. NOT! ...Ok I am kidding...PSYCH! ...j/k, lol, sorry.

 

I've actually felt little remorse after turning down people too....but then I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. Doesn't really make any sense, I know.

[RayKay]

Well I guess that I'm a selfish jerk but I still think it is hypocrisy, you're not happy in your relationship well you break and then you are happy...abracadabra ! I never broke with someone but I turned many girls away who were interested in me and not really with kind words and guess what... I did not even feel sad for them... I mean when you do not love someone anymore then you should'nt even be mourning about something you have lost... especially if it had to end... When the decision is yours there is no reason for you to feel bad about it...

 

And yes I'm probably an egoist but selfishness is the only way to stop giving yourself to someone who does not care...

 

 

I think it is usually more to it than "not being happy". I have only ended things a couple times, but I can guarantee it was after a LOT of pain about it, and discussions and trying to fix things together. Even when one person does the ending, rarely is it their decision alone. It takes two to make a relationship work, and when one can't make it work because the other isn't doing it...what choice do they have ultimately? Both times I DID end things it was because I had little other choice after months of trying, and one partner not listening, or pulling their weight, or just being cruel ultimately.

 

As for not turning people down with respect, and not feeling bad about it...I don't think that is "better" than having guilt or not wanting to hurt someone and feeling sad about it.

 

Selfishness also tends to have people decide to break it off. Back to that "it takes two" again. How can you expect someone to give it their all, if you are not giving it yours either?

 

Breaking up is really not so black and white as you make it sound.

[frozenblaze]

Well I'm being selfish now only because things have gone bad... I'm usually the kind of guy who really gives much to the other so I don't think I can wear the hat of the egoistical bastard, in my last relationship I mean. It happenned suddenly and with no warnings signs at all. One day she loved me, the other she changed her mind and when she came back from the week-end it was over. I really think that if there is not someone else under this decision she took(someone else in her heart, or an external opinion about me) the chances are good for reconciliation...

 

And yes, I'm place things under a black and white perspective too often...