Broke own NC for Mutual NC? square one to infinity

[bestfishinthepond]

[sorry, long post]

I think I broke everyone of SuperDaves guidelines on "A small warning to those who's hearts are broken and no where close to healing..." I don't have the thread number but I have his post taped to the wall by my computer. I will now begin from square one of mutual NC:

 

I found ENA last week when I was trying to be the analytical me and search for answers for the "why's, how come's, when does the the hurt end...etc." After following several posts and under a "limited-contact' with my ex (ooohh, that pains me to hear me say it.), I've come to the conclusion that the LC (what we both thought was rightful thinking and good intentions) is truly a most unhealthy decision.

 

Him recently divorced 1 year...10 year relationship (married first love) and has child...wife left him for another man..affair for a prev. year.

Me single, never married..one handful of meaningful relationship...longest 7 months.

US met on internet..emailed 1 month, dated casually 1 month, more seriously next month (yep, tent time), 3rd month declared love...4th month he got coldfeet...

 

Signs that needed to be addressed that I now recognize

Classic lines he said to me periodically during our time together: "not you but me, I love you but I feel empty, I feel there is distance, a hole in my heart and that I can't see people like I use too, I don't know why I am holding back but I am, I want to be madly in-love..I've been there, I know the feeling, sparks etc."

 

History He was seeing a therapist and under "professional advice" agreed to make an ad on internet to "see what is out there and discover new people while he was healing from his divorce" He discovered ME on the web and after dating a few times said that he would keep his profile active. I said that was fine and felt that if his therapist recommended it and he needed that for his healing process, I was cool with it. For the next three months it was bliss with the exceptions of a few slipped in words as mentioned above. We would talk about these emotions and agreed that maybe with more time and healing things would change "I would hope his feelings towards me and our relationship would be different than from his previous relationship."

 

Communication had always breen very open and he always was telling me how amazing I am, special lady, he loves me, loves being with me and wants to spend more time with me. [Like wise, I told him similar feedback and I reciprocated the feelings] His email two days prior to the trip said that "has been healing in leaps and bounds and that here he comes...Geronimo!" EVERYTHING FELT SO POSITIVE AND HEALTHY WITH US!

 

Positive characteristics We have several mutual interests, similiar values, and both of us are sincere, kind and upbeat people...we have great karma and there is a very deep connection of wanting each other in our lives.

 

Negatives We live two hours apart. Child custody limits adult together time, his healing process/ my career work hours plus, I gave notice to work that I am leaving at the end of the year.

 

What happened I'm still numb. End of Oct saw us plus child riding a train to look at leaves. Child was resting between us with head on my lap. To my knowledge, trip was wonderful. What came back crushed me and I feel betrayed.

 

I couldn't talk the day after because I pulled a 15-16 hr day..Next morning I emailed him and stated what a wonderful time I had and that I was looking forward to seeing him and planning with him some "long together time" I don't know if he ever got that email...Anyway, that night he called me..as always, it was a great conversation until he mentioned CASUALLY that "He was asked out, and he was going to go!" His voice had a lot of finality in it and I was numb, confused, in the middle of a critical work related situation and I couldn't deal with it. I told him that I could not date someone who was seeing someone else...and that I need to think." We talked the next night and I was trying to set up a time to meet in person but we just jst blabbed on and got it all out.

 

The gyst when we left off: He asked for time (a few months) He said the trip was a "family" trip and that he wasn't ready for that. I said (please insert emotions) take it, he needs it. He didn't want to lose me and neither did I want to lose him. We left saying it was okay for e/o to casual email/phone every one in a while. He wants friendship and a fishing buddy...I told him I can not do that...it hurts too much.

 

So since then, I have been reading ENA, (and a few emails between us have come) I realize that even casual contact is not right. I hit bottom (maybe the first of many) last weekend and realized that in order for me to heal and give his time (how do I know he will come back?) I have to treat him as if he does NOT EXSIST [found Superdave post too late] Anguish! At first, I started individual no contact. He contacts me..me do not contact back. I could not bring myself to delete everything. I did however, I put my Internet Ad back-up (he replied to it) and I am trying to involve me into things for ME...friends, looking for a new career, Rabbit Rescue...however, the "I miss you, I think I made a big mistake" emails are coming and it hurts.

 

Now, I feel he violated our agreement with respect to my feelings about friendship...he invited me to go fishing...something that we are both fanatics about. I talked to a friend and she helped me craft a phone reply stating my feelings and adding the no new casual contact would be better for "US" in order to give e/o the SPACE and TIME we need.

 

So this is where I am Feeling awful all over again. I love him and hope that one day his feelings change for me...I'm not banking on it and in a sense, I feel like I am betraying him, not "officially waiting the said months that he requested" I can't endure the no sleep/ no eat/ heartache, seeing him in everything I enjoyed for myself before meeting him...ACK! I hate this.

 

Also, shouldn't I feel hate or anger for his tackless way of addressing wanting to go out with someone else? I mean after 4 months of dating, openly admitting to our friends and in public that we were GB/BF and saying that we Love e/o...wouldn't that signal exclusiveness.. commitment? I never suggested that we were, but as I reflect, how could it not have been. I feel used and that he was "possibly trolling" with his personal ad and waiting for a bigger fish. But I am not angry, but sad for him. I honestly don't think he knows what he wants in a relationship. So time is the best measure for all things.

 

I don't know, I don't know...now, I am thinking why can't friendship be a starting point again if that is what he wants? I just read a post saying that friendship is what you build-upon. So, did I just nix off Superdaves #3 paragraph about good intentions going wrong? Some analytical processer I am. I think I am acting like a 386 computer...in frozen mode...DOES NOT COMPUTE! Did I just cut-off what I truly want..for him to be my bestfriend, lover, kindred-spirit because I was the (unknowingly) overly commited and emotionally involved?....AARRGH!

 

My belly is floating face up in the pond right now. Help, I'm drowning and gulping air

 

Would like insight please,

bestfish

[bestfishinthepond]

Okay...update: Letting him go....deleted emails, phone number and put everything in the shoebox in the closet. Is this called "moving-on"..I call it "can't stand seeing his memorabilia because I ache too badly." This truly hurts...we really had a special connection (at least in my eyes and heart.) I hate to admit it, I think I was a rebound relationship.... boy, do I feel naive, and inexperienced...

[L.J.]

bestfishinthepond,

 

It's like listening to myself speak when I read your post. I was in a relationship with a divorcee who gave me the same classic line you talked about and I also hope time together would make it work. It doesn't and it truly hurts.

 

I'm very glad to read your second post, that you are putting everything in the shoebox and moving on. I know ... my ex and I had a special connection too. When I first started NC a few weeks ago, I felt like I was a rebound, naive, and inexperienced ... not anymore. The fault is not you, you are not responsible because you are naive or inexperienced.

 

I am not saying it's alright for your ex or mine to hurt us, but indeed it's a nature of divorcees (I shouldn't be generalizing), but they are really screwed emotionally and it only hurt more trying to figure out what went wrong. It helps for me to think that she should be the one analyzing and figuring out what she wants. I already knew what I was bringing to the table when I went into a relationship with her. My feelings for her was pure, so there's nothing I need to analyze.

 

You did the right thing implementing NC .. he needs time and space to heal from his divorce. If he has to do it on somebody elses' clock, it shouldn't be yours.

 

Hang in there bestfish... you did the right thing.

[bestfishinthepond]

Thank you LJ, thank you. My eyes are tearing up-not from "missing him" (although I grievously do) but from a silent moment of relief, understanding, and acceptance. Yes, my feelings for him were pure and I had faith (even still do) that we are meant to be together..but I also know accept that even if we are a match, it doesn't guarantee that we will...

[L.J.]

Bestfish, it's alright to be tearing up. I would be worried if you are not.

 

I don't know if it is the same for you. Between the time we started dating and the 3rd week of NC, much of my emotions were focused on the relationship, "US", "HER" and her "KID". I was not listening to "ME" or maybe I didn't like the warnings simply because everything seemed to fit as though we were meant to be together. Heck, we had a special connection. We were so happy with the little adult time we had. I was doing all the right stuff, being truthful and supportive.

 

At that time, it didn't seem all that important whether or not our relationship is healthy, as though I was gradually taking responsibility for her divorce. I truly understand her need for time for to heal and space to help her son adjust. I didn't intend for it to mean I'm willing to put my life on hold. It's not right I'm hurting because she feels a hole in her heart.

[bestfishinthepond]

LJ,

"At that time, it didn't seem all that important whether or not our relationship is healthy, as though I was gradually taking responsibility for her divorce. I truly understand her need for time for to heal and space to help her son adjust. I didn't intend for it to mean I'm willing to put my life on hold. It's not right I'm hurting because she feels a hole in her heart."

 

LJ...I'm with you all the way."Hole in the heart" I think, means that they feel empty because he/she lost Faith in his/her ability to function independently in another relationship because they have not worked through the unresolved issues of the past. Also, with the child...they don't want the child getting close to someone who in the future might again leave.

Our ex's are unwilling to truly be 100% involved in the new relationship because they are sorting through pieces in the past, taking them and trying to force the old pieces into a new puzzle...the picture doesn't look right.

 

I want my space and time too. He is continually calling, inviting me, and emailing me trivial things that remind him of me (with the Holidays upon us he is seeing how he will be alone. Originally, we were making plans for me to meet his parents in Nov and he was going to meet mine in December)

I sooooo want to see him (and not see him) and express to him that he is going through the healing process too...lonliness, grief, anger, acceptance, move-on....I really want to say "you need to read Enotalone.com". I won't, of course! I miss him too, but how can I stay in his heart if the love I pour drains through the holes that leaves him feeling empty? LJ...are things getting better for you? How? Like you, it hurts to admit "I can't put my life on hold" NC has taken on a new meaning... no crying. I had my first day yesterday. I am sure I'll breakdown now and then..but not today.

 

keep posting....peace,

bestfish

[L.J.]

Yes, Bestfish, "Hole in the Heart". My empathy in this might be part of the reason I inadvertently compromised my needs. For the same reason she might have found comfort forcing the old pieces together. The picture doesn't look right but it sure does look good, and I had the idiosyncratic belief I could live with it for the rest of my life. How foolish !

 

Isn't it ironic that they can't give all, nor would they want to give up all together? Mine called too, left a couple messages to serve as reminders but it sounds like yours is more persistent. Don't take the bite, bud, even if you can't resist him the invitation to heal at this forum

 

I'd like to think it's getting better for me, Bestfish. Some days are better than the other. I miss her much but am getting better at finding ways to cushion my fall. Preferring to think of it as the relationship and not so much her that I miss is one. In a selfish way, maybe it helps eradicate the notion that she's going to change anytime soon? I don't know...

[L.J.]

The night past twelve, I didn't turn into a pumpkin. It marked the 4th weeks of NC. Can you believe it? Fours weeks protesting the weight, I'm still lost at the bottom of the sea.

 

Bestfish, how are you holding up, head above water? Keep treading. Stay afloat. Keep posting.

[bestfishinthepond]

Hey now LJ...you're at mile marker #1! Yippie! That's a big distance...You're making progress, so smile and see that there is no turning back and your ocean is full of beatiful sea life... yeah, you might think your are on the seafloor but that's also where all the treasure is to discovered. Besides, that means there is only one direction for you to go...UP!

Me, I have FOUR more...long, tumultous, miserable days before I can officially say that I haven't seen him for a month. Wish I could say that for the NC. I just got invited to Thanksgiving from the ex...fortunately, fifteen minutes prior I made plans to spend T-Day with some friends. God, I just don't want to cut off all forms of contact...He said (7 days ago) he'd made a huge mistake, he said that all his friends/my friends too, think he is acting like an immature 22 yr old a** and he agrees and feels regret and remorse [commom in the grieving process], he said he does love me and wants to do everything to make this work (i.e going back to counseling, not seeing anyone else), he said he would try his best to commit to me...but that's the problem...he would try. How come for me it's I AM, We Are and IT IS? To try something is saying that you are going into it in doubt that you will like it. "I'll try broccoli for the fifth attempt, I'll try to enjoy opera music, I'll try to continue mountain biking although I really hate running into all those oak trees..." (Am I reading too mch into this) HE OBVIOUSLY LIKED "US" "IT" ME AND "IS" before the caffafel. I don't want someone who eventually hangs on a noose because he is so D*** committed in trying to make it work that he fails to see that "WE" work!!! (okay, I'm venting..maybe, I'm finally reaching stage two of the healing process....anger) It sucks almost as bad as stage one Lonliness/Grief.

I told him "no." don't commit. I don't even know when the "c" word snuck into or relationship....god has it done damage. I want a future with him....I can't help but to think that he made an honest, collossal mistake compounded by the fact that he is not over his previous marriage. Yes, I'm regressing. I feel like a hypocrit for giving other people advice and I am having a hard time swallowing my own. I have been wanting to see him and sit down to try working through this...as rational adults (of course, in my irrational state of mind..and now hesitant mindframe...I don't think i am ready to see him) Yet, I am the one who initiated at first, LC and now NC. He never truly thought we were split up...am I the one who jumped the gun? Maybe we could "take a break" for a while and not be all hot and heavy but enjoy each other's company (no sex) and make a fresh start in a few months...I know he wants this too. He was the one who first wanted the "time" at the beginning anyway (now, I think it is me). . He said he never expected to find someone as rare as me so quickly . ...he wants to be sure we are right for each other...especially for his son's concern...he doesn't want for us to not have no contact...he says now "that he is not interested in seeing anyone"..he wants time for himself...he doesn't want me out of the picture though (he is trying to extend every invitation to me) I am rehashing...AACCCKKK! This is what keeps going on in my pea-sized brain. I feel we are saying the same thing...I showed up at the wrong time. Now what? Lj, I'm happy for you...but I don't know if I can make my mile marker which is Nov 24th- nice thanksgiving, huh...can't I be courteous and say a polite "no thanks" to his invitation because I have plans? I don't think it will hurt the nc....I mean we do live 2 hours apart. Help!

[L.J.]

Yeah, first milestone ! Tormenting one. How many more markers before I surface? The resurgent pain will cease to persist, right?

 

I just got invited to Thanksgiving from the ex...fortunately, fifteen minutes prior I made plans to spend T-Day with some friends.

 

It's a classic phrase we coin here, "Everything happened for a reason". This one is for good reason, huh?

God, I just don't want to cut off all forms of contact...He said (7 days ago) he'd made a huge mistake, he said that all his friends/my friends too, think he is acting like an immature 22 yr old a**

 

It's counter productive to be dwelling on mistakes at this point, isn't it? NC is meant to provide time for a decision to move forward, not dwelling on past, no?

 

he said he does love me and wants to do everything to make this work (i.e going back to counseling, not seeing anyone else), he said he would try his best to commit to me...but that's the problem...he would try. How come for me it's I AM, We Are and IT IS? To try something is saying that you are going into it in doubt that you will like it. "I'll try broccoli for the fifth attempt, I'll try to enjoy opera music, I'll try to continue mountain biking although I really hate running into all those oak trees..." (Am I reading too mch into this) HE OBVIOUSLY LIKED "US" "IT" ME AND "IS" before the caffafel. I don't want someone who eventually hangs on a noose because he is so D*** committed in trying to make it work that he fails to see that "WE" work!!! (okay, I'm venting..maybe, I'm finally reaching stage two of the healing process....anger) It sucks almost as bad as stage one Lonliness/Grief.

 

You hit the nail right on the head, Bestfish !! You are not asking for him to do "everything" ... All you're asking is a (ONE, singular) decision. Take care of it and "everything" else will fall in place. Besides, "Trying" does not equate "wants to do everything"

 

I don't think you're reading too much into this. And don't worry about how or when the "c" word snuck into your relationship or it doing damage. It is an essential word in any long term relationship and will snuck itself in anyway, one way or another. You want a future with him, right?

 

It's tempting to want to see him, sit and talk like rational adults. I want to do the same. I think about it everyday with a heavy heart. But you know what? It's not the state of our mind that worries me. Our ex's are incapacitated by their divorce. They are incapable of being rational if you know what I mean. That's a fact. They brought us to our current state of mind to begin with. You think we will ever be ready to see them? Does it matter if an integral part of them is missing? Does it matter if we are ready and they're not?

 

Hey Bestfish, you have FOUR more days to the mile marker. Sure you can make it. We are here cheering for you !! You have plans with friends for T-Day... so go have fun .. celebrate, enjoy yourself, you deserve it.

 

It is alright to be courteous and polite if you want to decline his invitation. I don't think it's a bleach of NC, but that's just me. I don't consider NC a rule but a way to contend for the values we believe in. Courtesy is virtue I embrace too. What's worrisome is your desire to "start fresh" though. "Taking a Break" can be a four letter word ( P~A~I~N), you know that, right? His regrets and remorse actually is irrelevant. The root problem, "not over his previous marriage" is still there. You don't have to start fresh immediately, you have time to think about it before you decide

 

p/s: Please don't feel like a hypocrite... we are all here to help and support each other and everyone has set-backs, ok?

[bestfishinthepond]

Thanks LJ for bringing me back in focus as to the purpose of NC...my healing...space, time and improving me. Yes, you are right...I do have all the time. So does he...I need to respect that and perhaps, maybe I am realizing how "needy" I am of other peoples acceptance and input...something I've got to improve. I'll jot that down below active listening I think I was getting the 1 month jitters.

This is before I read your post: I did call him. It was a very good conversation. It felt so good to hear his voice and then he put me on with his son.. it's amazing what a child's laughter can do to the spirit. I actually feel really good that I called. I did of course, decline Thanksgiving. We shared ideas, laughed, and even talked about the things left at e/o houses. He is sending some stuff back...it was awkward but I asked if he wanted me to send his stuff back too. He was a bit taken aback and didn't think there was anything. He said "no, not yet." He invited me to a Christmas Carolling get together Dec. 7th. I am going to put it on my calendar and see how I do. I also said that I love him and that I am not pushing him away by not being ready to see him. He said that he understands and that it's okay..whenever I am ready, give him a call. (And..I also silently accept that he may not be able to say or may ever again say "I love you" back... he may not. And it's okay.) We had amazing months together....I will leave it at that.

And yes, LJ...I couldn't resist giving him the link to ENA...there is so much information here, shared situations, and articles about healthy relationships, signs of trouble, healing through divorces and break-ups... If he chooses to, he might benefit from this place too, it's only one outlet. However, he also didn't seem to know about "ediquette" of relationships, either. He sounded interested. Also, I want him to know why I am choosing NC.( I gave him Superdave71 post on "A small warning...") Does it really matter what he thinks? Perhaps not. It matters to me though that I express to him that I care about my well being, my choices, and that I have to heal too...by taking a break from e/o we move forward wherever forward leads us...

Yes...I sound "flip-flop..ish" but what do you expect from a fish out of water!

[L.J.]

Hey Best fish, glad you had a good conversation. Though in silence, your acceptance of his inability to express or extend himself wholeheartedly is remarkable. Now it's time to divest yourself of the past, move on and effectuate "rigid" NC.

 

Maybe proceed by deleting Christmas Caroling from your calendar? That way, you're eliminating the obligation to decline or opportunity to contact e/o later on. You have already made your choice, so divert your attention to caring for your well being. It's hard but the choice you make dictate the life you live, right? You are moving on .... forward !

 

Aren't we all fish out of water? You think anyone would care whether or not we're "flip-plop-ish" since we're not running for office?

[bestfishinthepond]

Got It, L.J ! You are right again! I'll NC...nix calendar, no carolling, new Christmas, nice cannoli, nude calend... Oops, no comment... Today, also was the one month from the last time I saw him. I feel pretty good...I had sushi with some friends. I think I wold have been in pretty bad shape had I not had such a positive talk with him the other night. I think it was eating me up that I was imposing a "rigid" NC on the both of us without giving him reason why...for my healing and moving forward, too. I just want us to be amiable and have fond thoughts for e/o from the past, for the present and sigh, well...I'll leave it at that. See, I am getting better!

 

So, Mister one month and then some.... 1) Tell me one thing that you did for yourself today, 2) One thing you are thankful for 3) One goal you are working towards. You have thirty minutes....you may start.

[L.J.]

Congrats on your milestone !!! I know it's not an official NC milestone, but for what the last post is worth, I'll give it to you.

 

Ah.... sushi with friends. To-te-mo oi shii (very delicious in Japanese). I once heard, Americans stuff food into food on Thanksgiving Day. I didn't know they stuff fish into fish on the eve, not especially one that's "flip-plop-ish" and fresh out of the water.

 

Mister one month and some's answer to your question ...

 

1) Tell me one thing that you did for yourself today.

Bought a CD and listening to it .. "Time will tell" by Koko Taylor.

 

2) One thing you are thankful for.

I am thankful for two. The gift of light and a passion to read.

 

3) One goal you are working towards.

Seeking wisdom of humility.

[L.J.]

Happy Thanksgiving !!!

 

All set for fun with your friends? I am spending T-day with my friends too. I hope the masticated turkey in my stomach will produce enough natural sedative tonight. That would help make up for lost sleep. I can't believe I wanted to pick up the phone this morning. This would've been our first Thanksgiving together, which is probably the reason I was disheartened. I didn't pick it up though. Managed to overcome the yearn by coming to this site.

[bestfishinthepond]

Yes, my stomach is bloated too. I shared T-day with some colleagues tonight. We had a lovely dinner that I ate whole-heartedly. I'm slowly getting my appetite back..I'm down 11 lbs. since last month. Sleep is getting better too.

Yes, I had to resist the phone temptation as well. We shouldn't be looking back L.J...it was going to be my first TD with him too. Thanksgiving has a very special meaning for him and I would have been beaming to be by his side. Okay, we've had our moments of reminescing.

Three things:

1) I scoped out three fishing spots today (did for myself)

2) I am truly thankful for A) A network of family, friends, kindred spirits, and penpals who rally around me, want the best for me and who I can count on being there in what ever capacity I need them. B) that I love...me and my army!

3) not building walls around my heart again. "L" helped to remove those barriers and I discovered a very beautiful person inside...I love me and I don't want the concrete to ever set in stone again.

 

For tomorrow: I am buying a new keyboard! The "u" always skips and I have noticed that my spelling has become horrendous. They don't have spell check on here and I am too lazy to write the message and cut/paste it in the box.

[bestfishinthepond]

one month. whee.

[L.J.]

One month !!! A pat on the shoulder. Hey, while you're out shopping for a keyboard, treat yourself to that nice cannoli and nude calend... Oops, you talked about.

 

Already scouted three fishing spots, huh? The best fish in the pond is out of water so what kind of fish do you catch? It's a blessing you have family to count on when home and friends to count on when not. Blood is thicker than water and a friend in need is a friend indeed.

 

It's a good idea not to build walls around oneself. Afterall, didn't the Romans abandoned the Hadrian's Wall because it didn't work? The Great Wall of China failed to keep the Manchu out and the infamous Berlin Wall couldn't keep people in.

 

Keep threading, Bestfish. Soon enough you will the best of the best when you decide to dive into the pond again !

[bestfishinthepond]

Yesterday was very tough...I woke up with a tremendous ache..I felt he was with me. All day I had these intermittent burst of tears that I could not control (if anthing, I got more frustrated at myself and cried harder). I love him and miss him soooooo much. I stayed at my bestfriend's house last night and we talked endlessly. Her husband and she say that I need to follow my heart... that I shouldn't be deleting things or even be doing NC...that she sees it as we are so right for e/o. Both agree that he made a huge blunder because he was scared and he still wants to be with me but can't see into a longterm future right now because he fears that he will get hurt again. She says I am being obstinant and that I jumped onto NC where I really should be talking with him. They went through a similar thing. Her husband said that he told his wife back then that he would "try" to commit. What he told me is that "L" is probably saying that he will continue seeing me and being with me but is not ready for the thought of marriage. [i've never asked that...hadn't eluded to it or mentioned it....personally, I am not ready for marriage! Hell, it had only been 4 months!] Furthermore, they pretty much told me that by "L" being persistent in contacting me, he is saying that he loves me, misses me and feels badly for hurting me.

I know he loves me and misses me...he emailed me again today and said so...but also ended by saying "take care of yourself" . I'm doing my best to not "read-into-it." ](*,) My only solace is that I am taking care of myself...but it is hard. I'm so confused...

 

Which Coco Taylor cd did you buy?...I love her stuff with Buddy Guy.

[stunned]

bestfish,

 

Good luck to you. If your friends are right, you and your ex bf might be able to re-enter a relationship. Maybe it would be better for having weathered this problem. I guess it boils down to how you feel about the situation. You would have much better insight than your friends. If you're hesitant, there may be good reason not to pursue anything yet.

 

I wish I had your problem. I'm not quite 2 weeks out from when my ex live-in gf walked out. I've had to stay busy with activities outside the house to tire myself out so I can sleep (I'm up to 5 hours from 2-3.) The past several days I've been stuck at home due to a bad winter storm which is dumping major snow and is supposed to continue for 2 more days. It's making me feel as bad as when she left. If she were willing to talk, I would gladly talk. However, I broke 1 week of NC on Thanksgiving and emailed her. I've not heard anything from her, which hurts since we were together for so long. Ugh, I hope this weather clears soon so I can get out of the house and quit wallowing in my depresson and sadness.

[bestfishinthepond]

Stunned, thank you for your response. Yes, the weather can make things very dreary. However, you have said some positive statements that you are doing for you! Your sleep is improving (even if it a few more hours) and you are staying busy (any indoor home improvements you can be doing?).

I am sure you are going through hell....it's part of the healing process. You have the support of 43,000 people here at ENA...dumpers and dumpees alike (we all feel the same...differently) Keep posting!

[L.J.]

Spending a joyous evening with friends and waking up the next morning alone can be extremely difficult.

 

I doubt it's your obstinacy ... I am obfuscated by your post and I cannot succinctly response. Your situation fit mine like a glove so it wouldn't be fair to response without some thoughts.

 

I just bought her Deluxe Edition CD. Yes, her stuff with Buddy is good. You like blues too? Maybe you like Memphis Slim's album "Raining the Blues"? Incredible piano.

 

Just hit the 5th week marker!! Not at the seafloor, still submerged in depth.

[L.J.]

Hey Stunned,

It's okay if you didn't hear from her. Stuck at home spending quality time with your four footed kids, huh? Did you get a chance to take them out for a walk like I suggested before the storm?

[stunned]

LJ,

 

Yes. We go out in to the yard to play throughout the day, too. They're enjoying the snow for now. (By the middle of the week our highs are supposed to be in single digits. At that point, the older boy, who has arthritis, won't want to be outside for long.) I did get a workout shoveling the drive. My lawn tractor with the snow blade isn't working correctly. Stupid me, I washed it late in the summer. From reading several boards, it looks as though I may have mess up the drive elements. Moral of the story, leave your lawn tractor dirty.

 

The cabin fever, and knowing the dumping of snow will continue, is really playing havoc with my sense of well-being. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night. Everything in the house is reminding me of my ex. I can hardly wait until this stops and I can get out of the house for a while.

[bestfishinthepond]

L.J and Stunned. My healing is for me. I am not going to respond to the email. My heart and my tiny voice inside of my head agree that I need to move forward. It doesn't matter how I internalize "take care of yourself". I am doing so. Personally, I hope he is is also healing. He is a great guy who needs time to figure things out. I need to disappear from his life right now and not be used as an emotional crutch- maybe I am using him as a crutch too. We need to be away from each other. At least on my end, I can discover that there is me, life and probability of a new relationship...a stronger one. With whom? I don't know. I want someone who respects my feeling as much as I respect his. I want someone who has faith is us. I want someone who can show by action that he is "into" me as much as "I am into him." Up's and down...I'll take 'em. Weathering and storms...we work through it. I never gave up on the relationship with "L"...but I am letting go.

 

From everything that I have read and even more so, in everything that I have experienced through life; I've held hands with the dying, witness birth, was a primary care giver for a stroke patient for two years. I truly believe...strong love and the companionship of friends and family will find each other. Kindred spirits always do.

 

What a wonderful opportunity I have in front of me! What an incredible relationship I had! My present state is fragile but getting stronger...yes, I am an amazingly, rare woman. I believe it!