abandonment- friendship

[Caterina]

I realized last night that I'm immensely lonely and that I blame others. I have reached out for friends and have been betrayed. I have never met someone who will love me for the good and the bad. Granted, there are not many that I'd love for the good and the bad. I don't connect with my friends down here and I don't connect with my family. I have virtually no one. The first people who'd know that I died would be my employers. Everyone else might find out in a month. Jeez, even if I wanted to commit suicide to prove a point, no one would even get it. I guess thats for the better though. I have been abandoned by people that I devoted myself to.

My friends moved into a link removed of five girls. One of them is a girl that said terrible things about me...I've since concluded that she has mental problems and that she shouldn't really be blamed...she leaves me alone, now, anyways. Her fiance, is what I call a faux link removed...it was very easy for him to drop the friendship I had with him...I consider him a betrayer to this day. Anyone who would do that to a link removed I consider less. Thing is, he's comparitively better then most when it comes to morality...which, considering what he did is pretty pathetically sad for humanity.

There is this one girl in the link removed who constantly yells at me. I met her a month ago, and she doesn't even know me and is one of those people who think that they have the right to yell at you. I understand that she comes from a bad background but I hate the sound of my name on her lips because its always said in a harsh tone. Funny, its about the only time I hear people say my name anymore. I'm defined by my link removed. I'm going to stay away from their link removed.

I was so close to my best link removed. Now, she and I rarely talk...every time she calls (once a year), I really just feel like a burden. I know she cares and I know its normal because now she's married, but come on. I don't think I even know what to say when she calls anymore.

I guess I'm selfish.

My family is wrong on so many levels and yet they are there for me....they don't come close to understanding me, thats for sure.

 

Every guy I've dated has tried to either control or abuse me. I'm sensitive but the world has treated me anything but sensitively.

 

Its like I've been in constant training for YOUR LIFE IS CRAP 101.

 

I guess there is a remedy for this...there really is and it calls to me. Even at the end of ranting there is hope. I can't completely point fingers because of that.

[Juliana]

I think you're completely right to be angry and frustrated. The great thing about low-rent housing is the wonderful "characters" you meet! Yeah, right. I love your sense of humour. If you can make people laugh, there's still hope. Maybe not with your particular social group right now, but there is.

 

When people are p'g you off, you don't need less people, you need more, but different. Try socializing with people who aren't involved in the sorts of things you and your friends typically are. If you're not connecting with the people around you, it's not you -- it's the location. Believe me, everybody fits in somewhere. And when you do, it's great.

[Caterina]

Thanks...maybe I need to put myself out there more and get over my social anxiety.

[LeftBehind]

Finally someone who understands.

 

I've been thinking about this alot the last little while.

 

Literally everyone I've ever loved or cared about has backstabbed or betrayed me.

 

The second I show that I'm not perfect to them, they bail.

 

The worst was someone who said she would never abandon me for getting emotional or showing my softer side.

 

Then 4 days later takes off for the hills.

 

I'm turning into a very bitter old man, and I'm 22 years old.

 

I feel 80.

[stopit]

I can relate. I've always been the misfit, never really connecting with people no matter where I go. I feel like no matter what setting I'm in or who I meet, I'll never have that best friend connection that everyone else seems to have. It's hard for me to justify that I'm anything but a terrible person, awful conversationalist and whatnot. I've internalized all the hate and the betrayal because I was exposed to it all at a pretty young age. I've kept pretty limited social circles because of my shyness and stuck to girl social circles, and I know that's a large part of the reason why I've had these experiences (but I've also been in small environments with very little diversity anyway).

 

But then my sister said something that really brought me comfort. She told me that girls can be such *****es. Perhaps that's just my scapegoat, but I find it holds a wealth of truth. There are just somethings that are absolutely abominable that they do (and I'm not saying guys are saints... but it's the entire aggressiveness debate, whether you prefer a punch to the face or a deep betrayal and overt exclusion... if the tables were turned, I would have a disfigured nose perhaps, but at least I'd have something left of a self esteem). It completely turned my mentality around: instead of seeing myself as not good enough, insufficient or inadequate for all the crap I put up with, I saw myself as a victim, a passerby really that happened to be involved in a very messy incident. It wasn't who I was (at least, not entirely), but who they were (vicious, deceitful, etc.), and that is the only distinction of any importance.

 

I'm obviously talking in generalized terms about very specific examples, but if you want to "universalize" it, certain groups of people can be horrid - let's face the facts, those girls were *****es for what they did to you. It's unfortunate and terribly unlucky that such things should have befallen you, but this is a sign to look for true friends that will never betray you. Look for people who are sensitive because they do exist and you deserve nothing less than sensitivity for your amazing character.

 

You're right, you do need to get out there to meet them, but the hope is there. Without going into a lame metaphor about how change is a vehicle, change is potential and that's empowering. No need for alternate "remedies" to make void statements (not because no one would care, but because suicide is passive). Focus on your career and try to meet people with similar interests as you - you're bound to meet people who are far more mature than that group of 5 girls. As for your best friend, if she hasn't betrayed you and you think the relationship is salvagable, then why not call twice a year instead? She's still part of your past, and even if she's got a new life, she's still someone you can turn to (at least from your post you didn't say you couldn't trust her). And just because your family doesn't understand, the fact that they care is immensely important: you will never be alone as long as you've got them.