Granparents saying to take my mom away from her family

[glegend]

Hey everyone hows it going? Well me and my mom got into a big fight. My granparents said they are going to move my mom back in to their house making her leave my dad and me and that they will take my sister away from me. Which would be no big deal cause when I turn 18 I can just take full custody of my sister and she will be 11. I believe that by that age she would have some say in who she wants to live with. Anyways my parents do fight and at time I do fight with my mom more then my dad. Now its been 2 weeks and nothing has happened, I havent gone by my grandparents house in that time only to drop off my sister one day but I didnt walk in at all. Now I'm kind of worried that they are planning on splitting my parents up. What should I do? Are there any precautionsI can take? Any adivce

[blush]

Why would they do that? O my, its not fair to your family nor your little sister, to take away her mother when she is so young, i know its not right for your parents to fight, and she might not understand whats going on making her get upset, making it look like your grandparents are the reason she left, and won't come home, its something that your parents have to work out, not something that the rest of the family need to intervin in!

[glegend]

They say we dont love her

[blush]

For me If i know someone didn't love me I wouldn't stay around, but it seems that your mom is around, every family disagrees on issues, some more times then others, but you have to work it out!

[glegend]

They say we dont love her just because her car broke down. Me and my dad would not fix it. Well my dad wouldnt pay the money and I wouldnt do the work (Im do some auto repairs, mostly for my SUV and family/friends cars planning on getting into an automotive apprecticeship) 'cause it would of costed about 1200.00 CND and the car wasnt worth that (1989 Mazda 626). Then the laundry machine broke down and we couldnt get a replacement part so it was broken for 3 weeks, until I can up with a contraption with my dad to make it work. Some money problems were a cause, and also cause sometime my mom makes gramatical errors while she is speaking and we correct her but she takes it the wrong way also sometimes we make fun of her side of the family 'cause basically some of them arn't the brightest tool in the shed. They say we dont love her but like I know my dad and sister do, myself not at the same level as my dad and sister. Just 'cause my mom has said quite a few words to me but I still love her to an extent.

So yeah thats why they say we dont love her and they will just take her away, cause of that and sometimes me and her get into arguments (when Im not ouy with my girlfriend or when I come home, so basically almost evey night)

But if they try to and even think about trying to get joint custody when I turn 18 which is not to far into the future (currently I am 17) I'm going to file for custody of my sister and neither my mom nor dad have custody of her, and only let my sister see my mom and grandparents every now and then. Show them that it was a big mistake taking my mom away from her family and that they including my mom have to pay the price. Would you say that would be kinda mean though?

[blush]

I see your side of the story, i was once 17 and i never felt like I fit in, i was the middle child in my family and my 2 sisters always were ahead of me when it came to getting something they wanted and I was left in the cold, my mom and dad never really took an interest in anything I did and it always upset me, which then i'd argue with them and always tell them they never loved me, and I couldn't wait to be rid of them. Its like they got there perfect first born spoiled her to death, then had me, sort bit later they had my little sister and being there last and her being a baby they didn't have time to really spend with me, I spent most of my child hood over at my friend Kiki's house, cause I never wanted to go home and get yelled at, cause I always in trouble at school. I learned to basically grow up on my own once I turned 15 i got a job had my own money that I saved, i graduated high school at 17 and that summer I moved out on my own to live with my b/f, my parnets were a mess that I had left, and couldn't understand why. What I told them was that you need to learn to treat us all fairly, if you can treat one then you have to treat them all and if you can't then don't at all. I still love my parents but they have changed since i moved out so we are getting back to being a family again, on better terms, i don't expect anything from them ever, they raised me ( feed, clothed, sheltered and sent me to school ) for 17 years and i am very thankful for that.

 

So the way I see it for you is that, if you don't have the money to fix the car, then you can't fix it, simple as that. Same as the washer, things take time to fix as well as having the time to look at it to figuare out whats the problem, you can't just snap your fingers and its done, there is nothing wrong with calling someone to borrow there car for a short time, or asking if it is ok to drive them to work/ car pool, and you supply the gas money or something along those lines or return the favor some other day, what happened to good old walking once and a while. Your mom loves you guys right to death, i'm sure, if she felt like it wasn't working she would have left long ago, she shouldn't be listening to her parents and putting these ideas in her head, i know there are times that you have a bad day and all you can do is break down and cry / vent for a bite, but you get over it once you do.

 

I can tell you really love your sister and want the best for her, so personal i don't think that its completely "mean" to take her away from your parents / grandparents, i know you feel that they need the taste of there own medicene, making everyone feel as if they started it, by taking your mom away, they'll know how you felt and they will have to feel it too by you taking your sister from them.

 

I think you need to sit down with your family have a family meeting and tell them how you feel, let them know that it isn't working, you all are trying your best to make it work, its not that you don't love each other, but life isn't about trying to make everyone happy, you make them happy in different ways.

 

So I hope that helps at all but thats my view, so I wish you luck and hope it works out to be a happy family / works out the way you want it too. Good Luck

[blush]

I thought of something else......has your grandparents ever offered to help her fix the car or washer??

 

Blush

[glegend]

I thought of something else......has your grandparents ever offered to help her fix the car or washer??

 

Blush

 

They did not offer once all they said was for the car was for me to fix it either with my money or my parents since I know automotive and have worked on that car before or to buy her a new one. Not a used one a brand new car. As for the washer either for my dad to get the replacement part or buy a new one. My grandparents were making a huge stink about it since july cause that when the car died and in august the washer broke, but they say they are going to move my mom back here like 2 weeks ago, just cause she didnt have a washing machine or car. Like I would drive my mom to work everyday, and she would never give me gas money like how my friends do including my girlfriend (I don't like to accept the money but they insist so I put gas and let them pitch in 5 or 10 dollars 'casue I have a SUV) The one thing I don't understand is they say a car and washing machine is a necesity, and my mom cannot due without a car or washing machine, but yet my grandparents from both sides including my parents grew up without cars and washing machine and all these fancy things that kids had back then.

[glegend]

I can tell you really love your sister and want the best for her, so personal i don't think that its completely "mean" to take her away from your parents / grandparents, i know you feel that they need the taste of there own medicene, making everyone feel as if they started it, by taking your mom away, they'll know how you felt and they will have to feel it too by you taking your sister from them.

 

Besides my girlfriend I love my sister to death. Like I cannot see a world without them. Dont forget she's the only sibling I got. Me and girlfriend pick her up everyday from school bring her home fix her snack take her for ice cream the works. As for taking her away from her parents she will still be with her dad, cause that where me and my girlfriend will be living (my girlfriend and I are planning to get married, my dad will be at our house now). You know thats why I want to take my sister away my sister away cause they said they will take her and we will never see her again that they will make my mom have full custody, but they are forgetting my cousin is a lawyer and I can get her to get at least joint justody with my dad.

[blush]

I wish I had a older brother like you when i was growing up, someone who would stick up for me and had me in there best interest.

 

I know this might be very traumatizing to your little sister cause she is little, and seeing your mom pack her bags and her not knowing what might be happening and not knowing if she is coming back, i don't think its your mom thats the bad guy, i think your grandparents might be putting the wrong ideas in her head, like you said "They did not offer once all" to help out, i don't know if money is tight or not, but you'd think of all people they would understand, we all have lives to live, school, jobs, extra activites to do too, and there are ways to make things work till the task can be fix, walking, you driving, taxi, laundry mat, doing it by hand.

 

Like you said they managed way back then without, this is a luxury to be completely true, i managed when I was in an apartment without a washer or dryer, those cold winter days walking downtown to the laundry mat to get it all clean, was hateful but i did what I had too. think about all those kids that don't even have a roof over there heads, they'd never think once about a car, having fancy clothes, all that matters to them is making it though another day, or weather they even got to eat or not, there are some cruel ppl out there, i know that its there daughter and they want the best but no ones life is perfect!

[blush]

you are mature and a very responsibe young man, and your sister is lucky to have you as her brother!

[glegend]

Like you said they managed way back then without, this is a luxury to be completely true, i managed when I was in an apartment without a washer or dryer, those cold winter days walking downtown to the laundry mat to get it all clean, was hateful but i did what I had too. think about all those kids that don't even have a roof over there heads, they'd never think once about a car, having fancy clothes, all that matters to them is making it though another day, or weather they even got to eat or not, there are some cruel ppl out there, i know that its there daughter and they want the best but no ones life is perfect!

 

Exactly that was my point. And they were like no she cannot do laundry by hand and she needs the car to go to work. Im like excuse me but no she doesnt she knows how to survive without it. Plus I drive her everyday and never get a thank you.

[blush]

Someday the Thank you might kick in when she relizes she would have never did it without you there to help her get to work and such

[glegend]

Someday the Thank you might kick in when she relizes she would have never did it without you there to help her get to work and such

 

Maybe one day.

[glegend]

I know this might be very traumatizing to your little sister cause she is little, and seeing your mom pack her bags and her not knowing what might be happening and not knowing if she is coming back, i don't think its your mom thats the bad guy, i think your grandparents might be putting the wrong ideas in her head, like you said "They did not offer once all" to help out, i don't know if money is tight or not, but you'd think of all people they would understand, we all have lives to live, school, jobs, extra activites to do too, and there are ways to make things work till the task can be fix, walking, you driving, taxi, laundry mat, doing it by hand.

 

Yeah it would be a bit shocking for her cause she might ask "where's mommy going" or "why is she moving to grandma's and grandpa's". And your right its not my mom who is the bad guy its my granparents cause they put both bad and stupid thought/opinions in her mind. Money is a bit tight for my parents not for me 'cause I work at Best Buy so I pay for my cell phone bill, my gas, my clothes, and other things. I would think they would understand the most since they came from the village in Greece with nothing, they even grew up with nothing. Even my mom grew up with practically nothing, cause my grandparents couldn't afford much. My dad grew up the same way in a village in Greece, he moved here when he was 14. But when he grew up here and in Greece he didnt have much at all. But my dad and his sister (my aunt) understand it 100%.

[blush]

I grow up, without getting much either, now i've learned that I don't need everything that I might think is nice, but it don't bother me, I still live in a little apartment but am moving into a house after christmas and the holidays are over because i'm getting married, and plan to start a family so my little apartment that me and Fiance share is starting to become super small with all the stuff we have. So understand how you feel, i think grandparents have been brain washed with what has happened over the past 3-4 decades with the whole advancement in Tec. and how simple things have been defined as something you don't have to do anymore, like wash clothes by hand for example.

 

Its come at them fast and they just have surrender to it all instead of trying to fight it!

[glegend]

The other thing that I don't understand is they dissagree with divorce since my uncle (my mom's brother) is currecntly going through one but they want to split my parents up.

[blush]

That is strange!

[glegend]

Its really strange 'cause you'd think that if my parents were having problems they would find a way to help out (ie if having financial problems they would give a loan of 1000.00)

[glegend]

It started up again tonight. My grandfather insist on buying my mom 2 new tires for her car which is good 'cause then my mom only has to buy 2 more tires. Now my parents don't really want just anyone working on my moms car

'cause when we bought it not to long ago my dad got his cousin (my uncle) who is a mechanic to check out the car cause it was bought from a wholesaler (1999 Chevy Lumina 4-Door Base Model, w/200,000 km on it but we got it for 1800.00 certified, e-tested, sticker and licence plates) so my uncle didnt check it out and later we find this out. So someone had put cigarette butts under the air filter, the throtle bulb was dirty and engine oil was in the anti-freeze radiator fluid. So when I went to check all the fluids I noticed it and I spent my whole Saturday with my girlfriend and my cousin's husband doing a engine flush on my drive way. So right now my parents don't want just anyone working on the car. So now what happened was my grandfather wants to pay Walmart to install the tires, balance and aligns the tires. We are getting the tires from Canadian Tire (http://canadiantire.ca) since they have them on sale for $65. Now since I know auto mechanics my parents are like why pay someone else to do the work when their son (myself) can do the job + I also get more experience. The only thing that I cannot do is balance and align the tire which 'cause I don't have the machine that does the balancing. But thats not a problem 'casuse my cousin (her husband but I refer to him as my cousin since he is now part of the family) has it tight with his old auto teacher (at his high school) and my buddie happens to have that teacher for auto as well (at the same high school) so I am more then welcome to do w/e work I cannot in my garage at the auto shop in that school. So what happened was my grandfather wants to pay Walmart almost 200.00 to Install, Balance, and Align the tires but my parents don't so my mom was like alright alright you can do it to my grandparents but my dad disagree's cause like I said he doenst want just anyone working on the car. So now they are saying once again we dont love my mom cause we dont want to pay someone to do the tires we want to save the money and we should be spending some more money on my mom and basically the works. So now I have no clue what to do. Do I back down or risk then actually taking my mom away? cause everytime something like this happens they start up again.

[blush]

Yeah but if you truly are going to do the work right away, and can do the work cheaper / or free, you save the money of getting someone else to do it/ getting it done right the first time, I took my mom's car to a shop once after a deer had hit the front fender and completely dented it to death, they fixed that dent alright but totally didn't check the alinement on it, the whole car shock when you drove it, I was mad, after insurance payed for it to be all done and they never did it!

[blush]

so what do you plan to do?

[glegend]

so what do you plan to do?

 

As for the tires, I've put them on already. I kept my moms car the other day went bought the tires brought them home and then changed them and then went to my friend's auto class and balanced them.

[blush]

Thats really good!

 

hope its helping some with any issues with you family

[glegend]

Yea it's helping a bit