how do you beat first meeting shyness?

[confused.fallen]

hi well i have noticed how helpful people can be on here so i was wondering if you guys could help me, theirs this girl, i like her alot and i dont think she knows, recently we found out we had a mutual friend and we have been talking a little on msn, everyday at school she now trys to talk to me but i find myself freezing up alot and whats worse is just how bad i want to talk, dose anyone know how to beat the stage fright you get when you first start to really talk to people, i really liek this girl and i think shes starting to liek me i dont want her to lose what little intrest she has so please tell me how to beat it,

[jzwhat21]

Just be yourself and DONT put her on a pedestal she is no better than you are... Im willing to bet she is more nervous than you too so just talk to her it doesnt even matter what you say if she digs you she will like it

[robowarrior]

You freeze because you care, you unfreeze if you don't care. Its sorta like your mom jumping on a chair when she sees a spider, if she didn't care and thought oh its just a spider. Its simular in how totally irrational the reaction is. Basically you shouldn't care wether you lose her or screw up , and just go for gold in your life. If you ask her out and she says no, well at least you tried + you got some dating experience, if she says yes , you got a date. So its a win win situation for you, you always miss if you never shoot right?

[Daddy Bear]

1. don't expect perfection. life is not a movie. it will go well enough.

 

2. think of the worst thing that could happen, and be glad that it won't.

 

3. laugh at any little things that might go wrong, including a momentary awkward silence.

 

4. act confident. it will make you look confident, and that will make you feel confident.

 

5. listen as much as you talk.

 

6. don't forget to brush your teeth.

[Beec]

Ok, first of all do not think you need to be saying something sharp or witty or to impress her. Get rid of that thought, because you do not. If you really want to impress someone, you listen to them and do it while looking at their eyes. When she talks look at her eyes. When you talk, your eyes can wander.

 

Next learn about things she likes, and ask her questions about them. If she likes a certain TV show, a band, a type of music, books, etc., learn about them and ask about those things. Ask about her classes, etc. AND listen.

 

Do that, soon you will be fine.

[Grokker]

Think of it like this.

 

If you approach her, it can go well or it can go badly.

 

If it goes well, you will start getting to know her, make a new friend and maybe more than that.

 

If it goes badly, she will show you that she's not interested, you will not get to know her, and that's the end of it.

 

Now think about what will happen if you don't approach her.

 

You will not get to know her, and that's the end of it.

 

See... if you don't approach her, the worst thing that could happen if you do approach her has already happened.

 

If you do approach her, you're giving her a chance to either accept you or reject you. If you don't approach her, you're not giving her that chance at all, but rejecting yourself from the start.

 

So you've got nothing to fear at all, really. By approaching her, things can either get better than what they are now, or stay the way they are now. They can't get worse.

 

Go for it.

[ksk0_0]

1. don't expect perfection. life is not a movie. it will go well enough.

 

2. think of the worst thing that could happen, and be glad that it won't.

 

3. laugh at any little things that might go wrong, including a momentary awkward silence.

 

4. act confident. it will make you look confident, and that will make you feel confident.

 

5. listen as much as you talk.

 

6. don't forget to brush your teeth.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself

[Kevin T]

All excellent advice. One other thing I might add would be to expect failure: That way when she shoots you down, you're not upset.

[timlondon]

expect failure: That way when she shoots you down, you're not upset.

 

I'm sure this is completely the wrong way to look at it. Expect that she wants to talk to you; just don't worry if it doesn't go well.