In serious need of help...please.....

[GLC4EVA]

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[scsavino]

First, I can totally identify with losing someone you were with that was your bf/gf and best friend. Its like a punch in the stomach when they are gone. You dont know what to do or if you're coming or going. And I feel for you.

Second, from what you described, she has a temper/anger issue that she needs to resolve. She needs some outside help because she is in denial. Now, I do not condone a man hitting a woman EVER, but sometimes in the heat of the moment things happen.

Your best bet right now is to walk away. That's really all you can do at this stage. Since there are charges being pressed - there could soon be a restraining order as well and you will be the one looking like a chump. Do you have to go to court for this?

I know suicide right now seems like a good idea. I have thought about it myself alot for the past few weeks but I have come to realize the old saying "this too shall pass" and it will.

Good luck my friend.

[GLC4EVA]

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[scsavino]

I knoe exactly how you feel. I dont know what happens to people that makes them snap and turn. One minute they say that they love you, cant be without you and then they do this 180.

Hang in there ......

[Goldfish6888]

hi

 

You say that this has been caught on security camera, so your actions will be seen as self defence? So why is she going through with it, when ultimately she will be seen as the one who started the whole incident? She will then be found out by her family and the court. I'm kind of puzzled. I think ultimately you are lucky this relationship ended.

 

She sounded like trouble and she needs the kind of professional help, you could never provide. I know you cannot see it now as being a good thing, but things do happen for a reason. Maybe you would've ended up dead or at worst, seriously hurt. I know you did love her. But I wonder what kind of love she had for you? Certainly not true love when she is going to court and accusing you of hitting her. This is not what we all deserve.

 

You don't deserve it and suicide is not an option. You have been given a life - and there is a reason why you have, so please don't waste it.

[GLC4EVA]

hi

 

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[booberry]

The thing that really really gets me is how can she do this to me? She knows me. Why is she trying to hurt me so badly?

 

It was a terrible night for you both. While she may not remember everything clearly, one thing that sticks out in her mind is that you hit her. She's not stupid and is most likely completely aware that she attacked you to provoke it, but the problem still is that you hit her. Because she has such a horrible temper, she feels out of control and probably needed to think of you as her rock - NEVER shakable. She (and lots of alcohol) managed to shake you and that probably terrified her, because she knows how out of control she is. I think her reaction towards you is really a reflection of her own fear of instability. She needs professional help to deal with her anger. Hang in there, and as silly as this seems, try not to take it so personally.

[GLC4EVA]

It was a terrible night for you both. While she may not remember everything clearly, one thing that sticks out in her mind is that you hit her. She's not stupid and is most likely completely aware that she attacked you to provoke it, but the problem still is that you hit her. Because she has such a horrible temper, she feels out of control and probably needed to think of you as her rock - NEVER shakable. She (and lots of alcohol) managed to shake you and that probably terrified her, because she knows how out of control she is. I think her reaction towards you is really a reflection of her own fear of instability. She needs professional help to deal with her anger. Hang in there, and as silly as this seems, try not to take it so personally.

 

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[booberry]

Thanks for your advice and thanks to everyone who has replied to my problem

Am i being stupid to want her back? I wish i could just speak to her. My fear is that no-one will ever love me like she did.

I wish i could go back in time, but i can't.

Will she realise one day that i am not a monster?

Will we ever be able to try n patch things up?

 

Just let things cool down for a while, and she may come around. But I have to repeat what someone else said before that the best thing to do right now is NOTHING. You really dont want a restraining order on top of everything.

[Juliana]

Normally I try to see what lies between the lines, but when there's violence involved, it becomes unnecessary. I think I say this kind of thing all the time, but anyway...

 

There are certain types of mental illness that involve a psychological mechanism called "splitting." These people have distorted thinking, and they cannot see someone as having both good & bad qualities simultaneously; in their thinking, someone is either all good, and completely wonderful, or, all bad, and lower than sh*t.

 

You've gone from angel to demon in her mind overnight; she's splitting.

 

It doesn't matter to her what she did. That, to her mind, does not justify you ever hurting her, or defending yourself.

 

Look at this and see it for what it is: A symptom of mental illness. Yes, she could turn around, somehow, and the split could reverse, and you could be back on top again, but don't delude yourself; it won't last. Eventually you'll be demonized and cast out again.

 

And that is not love. When she is kind to you, it is because she is idealizing you and trying to make that idealized person a part of herself; when she is demonizing you, she is trying to exorcize parts of herself she can't stand. I don't think she actually sees "you" at all. When you consider what she is doing now, do you think she sees you?

 

Whether it was Borderline Rage that you were dealing with (you should google that), or some other illness, you have had a lucky escape. Try to dust yourself off and move on.

[GLC4EVA]

So didn't she ever really love me? Was i just fitting in perfectly to her needs?

 

[booberry]

Mental illness is a possibility, GLC4EVA. Don't jump to conclusions but consider all of the possiblities. You know her better than any of us. It is possible that she just has anger management problems and is in denial about it and is scared and feels vulnerable. However, do some research if you are concerned about a mental illness like the ones mentioned above. You know how she acted in her day-to-day life.

[bighair]

HI,

 

I was very distressed when I read your post.

 

First, you need a lawyer. I don't know where you live. Hire a good defense lawyer, get that stuff on the camera and bring it to court. Does she have a restraining order against you? Do you have one against her? If not, go file one based on the incident you describe.

 

Stay away from this woman. She is a violent alcoholic. Next, pick up some book on the interesection of domestic violence and substance abuse. Unfortunately, the legal system is not all that sympathetic to male victims of DV. pick up some information on that, because that is what you're dealing with. You don't deserve to be abused. There is not excuse for it.

 

Next, stop posting here. Your posts can be used against you in court...I'm serious. Hire a lawyer!

[Juliana]

Bighair's advice is excellent. I'd do what she suggests. And do bear in mind, I do not know your girlfriend, I am simply offering an opinion, a slightly educated guess. Your girlfriend may just be a very angry person. I don't know.

 

As to your question, however, there is alot of disagreement about whether or not seriously mentally ill people can love. I am in the minority, I think they can. I think it's not that she doesn't love you, or didn't love you. It is that she, herself, is damaged. Her thought processes are not like other people's. There may be a sweet, sweet girl there, but the reality is, if she is mentally ill, she may have alot of trouble getting her symptoms out of the way so that she can understand and express her true feelings clearly.