what is wrong now?

[igoturhey-oh]

when i was in high school i thought i couldnt wait for college so i could start my life. meet people, get involved, do something anything besides sit and brood.

 

well im in college, for about two years now, and all i see is every one passing me by, living the life i want to live. even my friends from high school who have moved on to college seem to be doing great making lots of friends and generally growing as people.

 

earlier this year and part of last year i battled a deep depression, not even wanting to leave to house except for class and sometimes not even going. and now that i feel things are looking up a little i still have that feeling in my gut that things are never going to be great, they are always just going to be bland and uninteresting

 

im still a virgin and there's nothing wrong with that i know and thats not the root of all my uncomfortable-ness but all my friends have crossed that thresh hold in their lives and i feel like they dont treat me the same and they cant have the same convos around me because of it, even tho i could care less they seem to be uncomfortable. and i feel like that alot im the source of everyones awkwardness. its most likely all of my own self doubt being projected back at me but whatever. point is i see sex as this thing that happens and then you change (not always for the better) and im just not ready for that yet.

 

not to mention now that i am not as depressed i have a job and even tho i used to keep to myself most of the time i started to branch out and actually have conversations and come to find out people think im a lesbian, then i found out my friends from home think i am. and that just puts me off even more. because internally im dealing with those feelings, i dont think i am, but having everyone's two cents in my face isnt helping either.

 

how do i get myself out of this rut? everyone is a potential and perpetual let down.

 

is it so bad to want to just be alone? it seems to be the only thing thats working right now, but even so, i want to be alone but then im lonely and think that maybe socializing wouldnt be so bad and then get let down again and again, its a vicious cycle. any one else know what i mean?

[CynicalGuitarist]

I can relate to the virgin thing; I'm an 18 year old virgin and many of my friends have thought I was a flamer. I don't even have a job or job experience. There's nothing wrong with being alone. At least you have the strength for it, unlike me. That's something I admire.

[laboheme]

I absolutely understand what you mean. College is made out to be this hyped up thing that gives you an education, invaluable experience, and friendships that last a lifetime. To that I say...something that would be censored on this forum.

 

Major kudos to you for taking your virginity seriously and not going out there and having sex just because eveybody is doing it. That takes guts, and you should be proud of yourself for having the strength to resist peer pressure.

 

Wanting to be alone isn't necessarily bad, that's why there are introverts and extroverts. But since you get lonely when you're alone, the problem must be the people that you're socializing with. Believe me, I've been there. When I first started college, I was eager to make new friends and, like you, was let down because they turned out to be quite loathsome. Maybe you're trying too hard to have fun -- that often ends up backfiring. Instead of hanging out with your friends (with whom you don't seem to have a very good relationship), why not try striking up a conversation with somebody who looks nice in class? Sure, you're not going to go to a party with that person the same night, but having a nice conversation can take care of your "socialization quota" for the day and alleviate some of the loneliness that you're feeling.

 

Do you have a good relationship with your coworkers? Mine were/are a blessing, since at work we avoided that horrible drama that characterizes the social life in college. We had our own drama, of course, but it worked for us. To this day, I feel like I have more fun at work than I do when I'm out and about with people.

 

The best advice I can give you though is to try and enjoy independent life as much as you can. Look at the positive side of being able to plan out your day without the interference of others, to take as much or as little time as you need when you go shopping, all those things. If you're happy with yourself the way you are, one day somebody will undoubtedly be attracted to that and you'll find a good friendship. That sounds a lot like finding a significant other...but in my opinion, finding friends is a very similar process.

[faydra]

A lot of what "lab" says is good advice.

 

You're being too introspective and picking yourself apart, plus comparing yourself to others. Try to avoid doing this - it leads nowhere. People will think of you whatever you show them. Don't confess any weaknesses to anyone you don't fully trust. They will use it against you. Take your life day by day and try to find enjoyment in it. Don't worry about being a virgin. You are who you are and you should try to be proud of yourself. Whenever you start to get down on yourself - just stop that thought and turn it around to look at your good points. Get interested in many other things - reading, travel, ceramics, fishing - anything. The more you get into life the more you will receive from it.