Found out the girl i love was raped

[kebesshottamsn.com]

helloo im new to this forum but heres my probelm

 

im 17 and theres this girl in my highschool that from the day i saw her i fell in love wit her which sounds kind of corny but has to be true from what i've been threw anyway.

as soon as we met we always had fun together never had fights always put a smile on each others face and she always seemed caring as she gave me hugs and kisses

its not until this summer after 7 months that i asked her out now the probelms started happening from their. she told me i would have to wait 3 wks before we could go out she said it wasnt me but that she didnt know if she wanted to get into a relationship.so i believed her and after those 3 wks.she made up her mind that she didnt want to get into a relationship with me until after college which is a 2 yr period.scarey part is she really believed that it was ok to do somthing like that.

 

 

.so i tryed being more sweet like writing her poems and even a love song s.she always said she liked it.but i always got this feeling that even though im doin all this she doesnt get it in her mind the reason why im doing this for her because to her it was like giving her a gift card for a free pizza.but after that she changed the date on when we would be able to go out to 2 months which would be jan 07.

i was really happy but the probelm began when i realized WHAt kinnd of girl does this .you cant hang with a boy all the time and when they ask you out your tell them to wait weeks months years its not normal.i really started gettin pissed when she stop letting me kiss her on the cheek with out saying anything.its like i would say hi and go near her and she would push me.

 

she never told me why in my head i was like you let me go to the same bathroom wit you but i cant even kiss you on the cheek .so i asked my friends and they all were like shes using you and you dont deserve to be traeted like that.i couldnt let her go though so i asked her why she was acting like that and she said she just didnt want to be kissed anymore when i saw her i should just say hello but that make no sense and she wasnt mad at me.so after that i started talking to her and she was texting me saying i was goin overboard thing is she has a lack of empathy i realized that because she would make fun of me and say harsh stuff and not know what was wrong with what she said.most of the time she hurt me was when we were having a playfull debate over who is childish and so that she wouldnt lose she would hurt me.so for 2 days i wasnt talking to her and she sent me this text messages.

 

i dont know what to say to youcuz your so sensitive ..so i guesss i juss wont say snything but dont ask y cuz when u do u askin for it..but i still love you ur my annoyin luv.n ur the only guy i actually have conversations with..da rest just wna jump in realtionship n i dunno dem

 

that day she sent that text we cut school and went to sizzlers.we had a good time until we had another debate that ended up becoming serious bcause she didnt want to lose and it was over whos a kid...god

 

after that we walked out and i was silent she got upset and didnt understand why she though it was cause she didnt let me kiss her but i told her that wasnt the point.then when we got to the bus stop she told me...it just that when i meet new people i act more caring toward them den ppl i care about.when i get to know them i just dont do stuff like that with them anymore..i was sooo confused i said maybe its cause of something that happened when you were young then i started building up tears.for some reason i have high empathy its easy for me to read people like a book.

 

when she started saying when i was 7 i started crying then she finised it with r***d (the word is taboo to me now its hard to see it)she tryed to tell me by who but i yelled out stop.while i was on her shoulder crying i looked at her face and i couldnt see any emotion like she was trying to push out the fact that i was there crying and that she was at a bus stop alone.when i whispered im sorry she said its not your fault you didnt know.when we got back on the bus we acted like what happened didnt and we were cracking jokes and laughing

 

i truly love her and i wish someone would tell me what to do next i know that we can just act like nothing happened but for her sake i think for her to tell me i cant just act like that cause i know her emotions were affected by it.even she doesnt know why.shes done a good job of hiding it just like im able to hide my probelms.but i think that if i love her i need to be someone she can talk to about it.

 

please help me so i can understand her more and some steps i should take

also she wants to go to the same college as me and always talks about the house we will have and the kids she will adopt because she doesnt want to have them.she forgets though that we arent a couple yet or i dont know im to young and inexperienced with women and this is like my first real relationship with someone

 

also sorry for bad grammmer and spelling my hand hurts from typing

[MacGyverRI]

She needs some serious professional help for what happened so someone needs to get her to talk to a counselor. She's just blocking everything out, including you.

[kebesshottamsn.com]

is their anyway i can help her cause the chances of her goin to one is pretty low not until we go to college

[MacGyverRI]

link removed[/i];1297753]is their anyway i can help her cause the chances of her goin to one is pretty low not until we go to college

 

She is in denial or is just covering up/blocking out the rape.

 

You do need to be there for her but after she seeks professional help.

 

A key part of this is "adopt". she probably wants this as an option to lovemaking./sex (in her mind, as of now). She needs to realize that trust and love do exist but unfortunately it's not with any man at this time (but she does trust you now and thats good) which is also why she is distancing herself from you and probably everyone at this time. She needs professional help and nothing positive will happen until it happens.

 

 

key points;

"she said its not your fault you didnt know." = She's sort of is reaching out and may open up more to you or a counselor in time but you both need to be understanding and you just need to LISTEN and not offer ways to solve the problem. She needs to just vent and let it out, she doe's not need to have someone solve her problems.

 

"but dont ask y cuz when u do u askin for it." = see above and add; she's lashing out and you may be the target, she probably hates men in general and this is normal. Be a punching bag if that's what she needs but will need you as that only and not as someone asking for for advice. She was violated at a very young age and sees all men as a threat due to what happened. Rape is the worst thing that can happen to a girl, nothing else (abuse / beating / controlling types etc.) even comes close.

 

 

"she didn't let me kiss her" = She's more than likely very afraid of intimacy at this time because of what happened. This "may" change but I wouldn't get your hopes up. FWIW, You are probably the only male she even trusts at this time since she has a wall up around her.

 

 

This unfortunately will probably be a lose/lose situation for you as she may need a clean start after professional help and then she realizes not every male is the enemy. She may come around after counseling but the chances are slim to none so don't set yourself up to be devastated/hurt etc..

[kebesshottamsn.com]

here aree the text we sent the day i found out i didnt put mine because all isaid was the samething i said above that itt makess no sense that for 7 month we always kissed on the ccheek in the morining until we offically would go out in jan and now u push mee away and act different with out response.

 

today after school we waited for her mom.she would walk with me and when i started a convo with her she would walk up faster which is rude.when i touched her hair she said i was bugging her.she basically ignored me but was walking with me so its like i didnt come to you you came to me.also we talked about the events on friday but the r..... part didnt come up so i didnt say just as if it never happened but i know she does

 

 

Are u still mad? If so, ur going overboard

 

Mad for what? Over a kiss on the cheek? U going overboard.u can't force someone to accept a kiss on the cheek. No means no...theres no why

 

You act like I said stay 30 ft away from me or I'm callin da cops

 

I didn't say anything except don't kiss me on my cheek and then u wna start debatin

 

I don't no wat to say to u cuz ur so sensitive...so I guess I juss won't say anything but don't ask y cuz when u do ,u askin for it....but I still love you....ur my annoyin luv n ur da only guy I actually have conversations with...da rest just wna jump in a relationship n I dunno dem

 

I'm wearin my northface...its freezin.n I had a dream I got my belly pierced n I was holdin ya hand n then when da guy pierced it..ur hand was there.so he pierced my belly stickin to ur hand

 

So u think I don't care about you?

 

Maybe I don't show it but I do..I wouldn't waste my time on u if I didn't....dat means ur special to me

[kebesshottamsn.com]

found out she was a bully in junior highschool by my best friend who she used to bully..also she forged this paper with her mothers name and her mom found it so she blamed me and now i have to make up i lie that it was an accidentt and i likenher signature so i tried it out

 

i love her ...but

[Midori]

You're really young and theres tons of girls out there... do you really want to go through this emotional escapade with her right now?

[kebesshottamsn.com]

thats the thing im not really sure of things now.im not the type to date alot either i only go out with a girl that i think is special ,im picky.it maybe has something to do with me. i only look for unique people that stand outside of the crowd and i must of fell for her cause her personality isnt normal but i really do love her and like i said im not really a dater ive only had 2-3 girlfriends in my life which werent long.so because im young i dont understand anything and i want to be with her.our maybe its that fact that shes always talking about the future we're going to have together that has gotten to me.

[kebesshottamsn.com]

well its been awhile since i replyed on my ordeal i've been check other peoples post to see if they are similiar but i cant find anysite that will give me a description of the symptoms she has so i can help.

 

right now we are really close and she really trust me she explains to me because she showed me her mom and family and let me in to her house.right now she is very angry she says its not me and that she is trying to think about things.this all happened when we had a little fight

 

she doesnt like hearing the truth sometimes she thinks everyones judging her .anyway when said she keeps blocking me out she said yes i do because i dont need listeners any more i need helpers.isaid i want to support her and that i have been researching online.she said no site can tell you what im going threw.so can someone give me some sites and some advice.i've been to a counseler for my probelms and i told her so she doesnt think im just blind to how it feels to have issues i dont know if she has.but its getting a little worst cause shes not used to someone like me who cares well not out of a boy.guess the others just wanted sex

[Fallout]

Tell her to get rape counselling...it's free an she can do it with a counsellor, in a group, over the phone or even online...here's the link for the online one : link removed

 

Other than that...tell her your fights are meaningless and it doesn't change your love for her...and that she can trust you with anything...all I can think off right now!

[kebesshottamsn.com]

thank you for the site now is their any site that explains the sysmtoms of rape like any site that has the affects that it has on a person or people explaining how it affect them.it was a childhood rape

 

thank you for the information

[Fallout]

There are many sites that do that...try googling it or view the "Abuse and Violence Resources" Sub-Forum here...

[kebesshottamsn.com]

well its been a month im still with this girl trying my best i found out a lot more on why she does the things she does thanks to adults that know her.im guessing if i didnt i wouldnt be able to go through this alone.right now i have the courage to tell her to go to counseling know.right now shes going out with this boy that asked her out and still wants to be close with me and that shook me up because that not possibly or right to both of us .in my head since we were always happy i locked out the r@@@ fact (still cant say it) but after to see that she does have a probelm again now i know what i have because i do love her so thank you all for the help.

 

can someone give my resources for help in queens

[blender]

This site has references for you to get help in relationships etc... check it out it has many people in your area:

 

link removed

[kebesshottamsn.com]

those are for paid though and dey get a little pricey is der any free listings in queens