Classless?

[adideas]

So my best friend of 10 years who works with me told several people on Friday that she thought I was classless.

 

She doesn't go out with the staff for dinner/drinks ever. I did on Thursday night and bought people a drink (shot). She heard about it and made a big deal of it at work on Friday when I wasn't there. A way bigger deal than should have been made. It was one drink to say goodbye to a client we had lost of toast our future. She was invited and chose not to attend.

 

We were supposed to go do something yesterday and I called twice. She didn't answer but finally her BF did. He was nice but weird so I know she told him something. I was letting them know that my son was sick and I couldn't attend. Before I could get anything out, he started talking over me and asking if I was at the hospital. If I needed to go to the hospital. If my husband was home. Weird.

 

We had talked about a late lunch today and I want to call her but everything in me says not to. BUT I WANT TO! Just to see if she'll answer and what she'll say. I know she won't go. I feel so obsessed with her when she treats me like this like I want everything to be right and if I just talk to her I can make it that way. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like I did anything wrong but I feel guilty just the same.

 

She's so opinionated and judgmental with me in my actions. Then she does the thing that she knows hurts me most, she cuts me off. What do I do?

[Helen67]

I'm sorry I'm English, does classless mean without class, tasteless, tacky, cheap, lowdown?

 

Just want to verify. I don't really understand what she has said against you, just that she made a big deal about you buying shots for your workmates. what kind of big deal?

 

Last question, how can this woman have been your best friend for the last 10 years if she does things to hurt you?

 

Helen

[robowarrior]

Are you sure she is an adult? Because she acts like a child. Listen to your gut feeling and don't call her. Why? Because you have a very limited idea of who your true friends are in this world. If you did nothing wrong, would a real friend say you are classless and talk ill about you? Enemies do that, not friends.

 

So what does this say over you? Im going to say some nasty things about you, but these are neccesary for you to understand the 'exterior' factor that has directly totally nothing to do with this case , but what eventually has led to this situation. Your decision making is f ked up. You are having totally wrong ideas about people,what they want, about who they are, what they represent, and what intentions they have for you.

 

I have some urgent advice for you which you should take to your hearts content. You need to act like a 'castle gate' close yourself for bad people/things/events and pull in good people/things/events.

 

Even if you had her 10 years in your life, this person is not a friend of yours. A REAL FRIEND would love you unconditionally, wouldn't care if you didn't have class or not, because that has got nothing to do with friendship.

 

I don't know for what reason she is doing this to you, but this woman's heart has darkness and hatred in it, and directed towards you.

 

You should be infinite more carefull in your decision making, and not involve yourself with people who do nothing but DESTROY YOU!. hear that, destroy you because if you bring the real wrong people into your life, and allow them to do damage? Who do you think will end up at the shrink? You will, and guess who has to fix it? Preventing is better then healing, i know these are nasty remarks but you need to get rid of people who bring you nothing but misery. Do not decide to bring more miserable people or things into your life, it will be your downfall. Honestly i've treated people who went with these kind of people, and they tell me how their 'so called friends' lended money from them and never gave anything back, how they backstabbed them, how when they needed their friends in ill times, and they where no where to be found. Even when they where sick or in the hospital, they only got called with the question 'can i lend money?' yeah that's really showing how you care, not one of these so called friends visited that person during her birthday. Only use and abuse.

 

So please ,please please take my warning in account and ditch people that display nothing but destruction in your life. Its better to be alone and safe, then together and get severly hurt.

[adideas]

I hear you and I want to do that. I really do. But two things: 1. I feel almost like a battered wife. I know I'm going to get beat but at least I know it. And it's hard to move on. I know our friendship. I know there is a good person in her. I know what she is capable of. I just don't understand how she can be mean and spiteful just for the sake of being mean.

 

2. Who am I not to forgive her? Who am I to hold grudges against her? If I hold this hurt and anger in my heart am I not stooping to her level? Jesus would forgve her, am I better than Jesus? I know she hasn't asked for forgiveness and as I write this I get that even Jesus waits for us to ask for forgiveness.

 

Why do I value this relationship so much? She knows me well. But I do think there is a hardness in her heart. I watched ShopGirl Friday night and at the end where Steve Martin was talking about how he tried so hard to keep her at a distance so he wouldn't miss her when she was gone and then he missed her after all. I know that's how she will feel. I know somewhere in her heart she will miss having that unconditional friendship that I have given her all these years. So often over the years, at least 4 or 5 times, she has tried to push me away. She has questioned my motives.

 

This sucks and hurts. And again this year I am at a place where I don't know how to handle something. How to make things right. I'm stronger than this but I feel desperate to hold on. HELP!

[rmpavlock]

Don't call. It seems like she's acting immature. If you call, it will probably just be weird again. Call someone else instead! Do you have other friends or relatives? Maybe you could just call one of them and chat about the situation. At least that would keep you from calling your "friend" who is not being much of a friend right now anyway.

[adideas]

I suck. I'm weak. I called and left a message at 1. At 2:30 she texted me back and said what's up. I replies that I wanted to talk. I have't heard another word. It's 5. Oh well. Should have listened to all of you.